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Having sex is a really big step in a relationship, and we know that there's a little bit of pressure to make your first time really memorable. While everyone has different experiences when they lose their virginity, there are some things you can do to make it a great experience for you and your partner. Keep reading to learn more about how to talk to your partner, set the mood, and stay safe for your first time.

1

Wait until you feel ready to have sex.

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  1. You shouldn’t let anyone pressure you into having sex. There isn’t a “right” time or age when you should have sex or lose your virginity, so it all depends on when you feel comfortable making that choice. Your first time is really personal and everyone experiences it at a different time, so don’t let your partner or your friends make you feel like you need to rush into something you’re not ready for.[1]
    • If you’re feeling nervous about having sex, talk to someone you trust and can be open with, such as a parent, counselor, or doctor.
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2

Talk about sex with your partner beforehand.

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  1. Communicate openly so you know what your partner is comfortable with. Try to have a discussion before you even get intimate to make sure you’re both ready. Talk about what you expect from sex, what feels good for you, and if it’s something you want to do together. If your partner has had sex before, be sure to talk about their past partners and ask if they’ve been tested for sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) to ensure you stay safe.[2]
    • For example, you might ask something like, “What would you like to do when we’re feeling in the mood?” or “What can I do to make you feel the best when we have sex?”
    • If your partner avoids the subject, they might not be ready or comfortable with having sex yet. It's always important to respect boundaries![3]
3

Clean and groom yourself.

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6

Ask for consent.

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  1. Always ask your partner if they feel comfortable and want to have sex before you do anything physically. If your partner says yes, then you can keep going, but if they say no, then don’t pressure them anymore. Your partner cannot give consent if they’ve been drinking alcohol, have done drugs, or if you force them to have sex.[7] [8]
    • For example, you could ask something as simple as, “Do you want to have sex?” or “Are you comfortable if we have sex right now?”
    • If you want to let your partner decide, try asking something like “What would you like me to do to you right now?”
    • Keep in mind that the age of consent may vary depending on your location.
7

Start with some foreplay.

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  1. Start with some cuddling, kissing, light touching, and whatever else you’re comfortable with. Ask your partner where they want to be touched and speak up and say how you want them to touch you too so you both have a good time.[9]
    • Some common areas that can help your partner get aroused are their genitals, breasts, neck, earlobes, or thighs.[10]
    • Talk through everything you’re doing with your partner to make sure they’re still comfortable with it. If your partner says they want to stop, then be respectful and stop.
    • Kissing is actually a great way to build intimacy and tension with your partner, whether it’s followed by sex or not.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 726 wikiHow readers who have a romantic partner, and 57% of them agreed that the physical connection they find most intimate is kissing. [Take Poll]
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8

Wear a condom.

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  1. Condoms can help prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs. Choose condoms that are made of latex or polyurethane and have reservoir tips for the best protection. When you open the condom, pinch the tip with one hand and put it on your penis. Then, roll the condom down the entire length so it fits tightly.[11]
    • While condoms are some of the most effective forms of birth control, they don’t offer 100% protection, so you may want to ask if your partner is on another form of contraceptive.
    • If the condom doesn’t easily unroll, you may have it inside out. Throw the condom away and start with a new one just to be safe.
11

Accept that your first time might be a little awkward.

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  1. A lot of people put pressure on themselves to make their first time really memorable, but it’s okay if it isn’t what you were expecting. Try to ignore what does or doesn’t happen during your first time, and focus on if you and your partner are enjoying yourselves.[14]
    • You don’t have to mention that it’s your first time to your partner if you don’t want to, but it might help you feel more relaxed and less awkward.
    Emily Morse
    Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist

    Prioritize finding out what works for you. "The best thing you can do for your sexual confidence is taking the time to learn what feels good for your body."

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Use a Condom Safely and Effectively with this Expert Series

In order to have safe sex, it's important to know how to use a condom correctly. Fortunately, this expert series has everything you need to know about condoms

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Tips

  • If you’re nervous or have questions about losing your virginity, talk to an adult you trust, such as a parent or a doctor.[16]
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About This Article

Lisa Shield
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield and by wikiHow staff writer, Hunter Rising. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. This article has been viewed 697,450 times.
206 votes - 74%
Co-authors: 5
Updated: November 30, 2024
Views: 697,450
Categories: Dating
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 697,450 times.

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