How to Turn On Your Girlfriend

Co-authored by Connell Barrett

Last Updated: November 6, 2024 References

If you're worried about how to turn your girlfriend on, or looking for new ideas, there are plenty of things you can try! Even if foreplay makes you nervous - don't worry! As long as you have a baseline of mutual attraction, all you need to turn on your girlfriend is to set the mood, take it slow, and to try a few moves that are guaranteed to drive her wild.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Set a Sexy Mood

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1
Act sexy. To turn your girl on, you'll have to act sexy right from the beginning. You can be sexy while you're taking a long walk on the beach or in less sexy-fied locations like your local bowling alley. To be sexy, you have to have swagger, be comfortable with who you are and how you look, and to walk with your head high, full of confidence that you're an amazing guy to be with.
- Master the half-smile. This coy smile is very sexy and will get your girl in the mood.
- Lean in when you talk to your girl. If you lean a little closer than normal to your girlfriend, she'll want to kiss you and to be closer to you.
- Clean up nice. You should always be freshly showered and groomed before you hang out with your girl. A guy who pays attention to his hygiene is very sexy.
Tip: Look into your girlfriend's eyes when you talk to her. This will show her that you're confident.
2
Compliment your girlfriend. Let your girlfriend know that she's beautiful and that she looks good. If she has a new haircut or is obviously wearing a new outfit, you should compliment her even more. Don't be afraid to tell her that she looks sexy, that her legs look great in her new skirt, or that you love her new eyeshadow.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Compliment her enough to make her feel special and sexy, and to let her know that you're paying attention.
- Don't overdo it. If you compliment every little thing she does, then you'll start to look insincere.^{[2]
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3
Take her out. Before you can invite your girl over and start hooking up, you should set a sexy mood by taking her on an intimate and sexy date. You two may love going to the zoo or splurging at the Pancake House, but this is not the time. Take her out to a nice dinner with dim lights, and make sure that you're sitting in a place that gives you lots of privacy.
- After dinner, go out for a nice walk. Hold her hand. Rub her hand gently with yours to start giving her that loving feeling.
- Give her a taste of what's to come. Throughout the date, you should gently rub her knee, graze her shoulder, or even give her a sensual kiss from time to time to make her want more. Don't be too generous with her touches -- touch her just enough to keep her interested so you can invite her to a more private setting.^{[3]
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4
Get some privacy. If you want to turn on your girlfriend, you'll need to create an atmosphere that makes her want to hook up. If your date is going well and she clearly seems into you and wants to keep hanging out, you should invite her over to your place so you can have some more alone time. But before you do that, you need to invite her over and make sure that the sounds, lighting, and scents at your place get your girl in the mood.^{[4]
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Research source} Plan in advance -- nothing will kill the mood like a messy room or a roommate who won't stop playing video games.
- Play some sexy music. Put on some R&B to get your girl in the right mood, or play some jazz in the background. Put it on softly, and don't even act like you had to turn the music on -- it was just always there.
- Dim the lights. Make sure the lights in your room are dim and soft. You can even light a few candles if it doesn't violate a fire code. There should be enough lights so you two can see each other, but they shouldn't be so bright that your girl feels self-conscious or vulnerable.
- Keep it fresh. Make sure your room smells nice and clean. Keep your window open the day you know your girlfriend will come over so the room won't smell musty. You can even light incense or a scented candle before her arrival.
- Keep it clean. Make sure there aren't any dirty clothes or fast food wrappers around -- if your place isn't clean, your girlfriend will be too grossed out to be turned on.
5
Stock up on some sexy items. When your girl comes over, you'll need to be prepared to wow her and to continue to turn her on. You should stock up on a few key items that will prolong your good time and will make your girl want to stay up all night with you. Here are some things that you should have:
- Wine or other beverages. Unless you and your girlfriend are too young to drink, you should be prepared with some red and white wine, or any other beverages that your lady likes. If you've come back from drinking on your dinner date, you'll want to keep the buzz going. Have some shiny stemmed glasses that make the wine look even more appealing.
- Snacks. This doesn't mean you should stock up on Funyuns and Cheez-its to impress your girl. Instead, be prepared with a bar of chocolate, some cheese and crackers, and some sexy fruits like strawberries or grapes.
- Fresh sheets for your bed. Your bed should be made with fresh sheets, so it's appealing as possible for your girlfriend. If your bed is messy and unmade, your girlfriend won't even want to come near it.
6
Put your girlfriend at ease. Once she's stepped into your place or room and is impressed by the sexy atmosphere you've created, you should make her feel right at home. Even if she's been to your place before, you should still try to make her feel as comfortable as possible. To do this, you'll have to be a true gentleman. Here's how to do it:
- Ask to take her coat. Hang it up in the closet like a pro.
- Tell her she can take off her shoes. This will make her feel more at ease.
- If you two drink, offer her some wine. Don't force it -- but if she does want something to sip on, she'll feel better.
- Tell her what an amazing night you had. Let her know that your date was just perfect -- you can even mention one thing that really stuck out to you, like, "That chocolate cake was incredible," or "The stars looked amazing over the water tonight."
- Have a seat. You and your girlfriend should sit down on your couch or near each other so that you feel comfortable. If she's standing, she'll be more likely to distance herself from you or to fidget with things in your apartment.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Have Amazing Foreplay

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1
Start with some gentle touches. Once your girlfriend is feeling comfortable in your apartment and is ready to get more intimate, you can start touching her gently to let her know that you want her. If you're already sitting next to each other, you can just move closer and let your legs touch. You can run a hand down her knee or even put your arm around her if you're feeling bold. Here are some other ways to start turning her on:
- If your arm is around her, you can start gently playing with her hair.
- If you holding her, whispering in her ear and gently touch her arms.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- If she's wearing a necklace or earrings that dangle, you can play with them and say how much you like the jewelry so you can get even closer to her.
Tip: You can even give her a short and sexy massage. Massage her shoulders, her lower back, and even her neck or the back of her head. Just start by using your fingers gently, and apply more pressure if she responds to you.
2
Kiss her. Once you've touched your girlfriend, she'll already start to be turned on, and you should find the right time to kiss her.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} If she turns toward you, looks into your eyes, licks her lips, and leans in, then it's time to start a kissing session.^{[7]
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Research source} If you want to turn her on, then your kisses have to leave her wanting more. Here's how you should kiss your special lady:
- Don't use your tongue at first. Even if you've been kissing your girlfriend for a while, you shouldn't move right in with a French kiss or you'll come off as too aggressive.
- Lightly graze your girlfriend's lips and then slowly touch the tip of her tongue with yours. If she likes it, then you can move into a full-on French kiss.
- Take breaks. Don't just kiss her for five minutes straight -- take a break every minute or two to gaze into her eyes and to make her want you even more.
- You can also brush back her hair or caress her body as you're kissing her.
- Experiment. She'll be turned on if you move away from her lips and try to kiss her neck, her earlobes, or even her shoulders.
3
Touch her more. Now that you're kissing, you can be a bit more assertive with your touches. Move your hands up and down your girlfriend's body to gently touch her waist, her shoulders, and to move toward her inner thighs and breasts. Just make sure she's comfortable with your new moves.
- Every girl is different. As you get more comfortable with your girlfriend, you'll have a better sense of what turns her on the most. It could be kisses on the neck, it could be a gentle touch to her wrist, or it can be something else.
4
Remove a few articles of clothing. If you're really getting into the kissing, then you can start removing some layers so you and your girlfriend can get more frisky. But if you want to turn on your girlfriend, you'll have to remove your clothes the right way. Here's how to do it:
- Decide whether you want to take off your shirt first, or your girlfriend's. It depends on the girl -- either she'll feel better if you've removed some layers first, or she'll think you're too forward. Feel out the situation to see what she wants.
- Take off your girlfriend's shirt. Put your hands under her shirt and caress her breasts before you unbutton the shirt or slip it over her head.
- Take off your own shirt. Don't do more than that or she'll be freaked out, not turned on. You don't want to look too eager or she'll take it the wrong way.
- Take off your girlfriend's pants or skirt. Gently touch the girl over her underwear -- the key word is gently.
- Once you've carefully removed the pants or skirt, or have let her help you do it, you can take off your pants or have your girlfriend help you do it if she's comfortable with it.
- Now that you're both just in your underwear, you may take things to the next level -- sex. But this is only if your girlfriend is ready.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Take it to the Bedroom

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Though you may want to jump right into bed when you see your girlfriend in her underwear, you have to make absolutely sure that your girlfriend is ready to take it to the next level.^{[8]
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Research source} You should be clear and ask, "Do you want to?" or "Are you ready for this?" Ask it in a non-aggressive tone, making eye contact and slowing down to let her know that you're waiting for a response.
2
Turn on your girlfriend in the bedroom. If she does want to have sex, then it's time to make her feel more aroused before you sleep together. You may be ready for more, but you'll need to spend more time turning your girl on. Here's what you can do:
- Kiss her all over her body. Kiss her neck, her shoulders, her breasts, her belly, and even the insides of her thighs.
- Tell her how sexy she is. While you're hooking up, complement your favorite parts of her body or let her know that you like what she's doing.
- Touch her genitals very gently. Remove her underwear and touch her lightly with just one or two fingers. You can move your hand and then put it back to tease her a bit. Wait for her to tell you she's ready. And if she's not ready for sex, then don't go there. Wait until you're both ready -- if you're not willing to wait, then your girlfriend will think you're not the one for her.
3
Turn her on during intercourse (optional). If you do decide to have sex, then you can turn your girlfriend on in a variety of ways when you're doing it. You should try not to stick to just one position but mix things up from time to time -- though not so much that she can't get comfortable and you don't have time to settle into a rhythm. Here are some other things to try:
- Start on top. Get comfortable, and after a few minutes, ask your girlfriend to get on top of you. She may be feeling too shy to do this, so if she doesn't want to, that's okay too.
- Find your sexual styles. If she's more gentle, slow down. If she's more aggressive, speed things up.
- Kick things up a notch by lightly biting her neck or her ears.
- Don't forget her breasts. Some men get so excited by sex that they ignore other parts of a girl's body -- don't forget to caress or kiss your girlfriend's breasts from time to time.
- Don't obsess over your own orgasm. Make sure your girlfriend has an orgasm too -- or at least try to give her one. If you lose interest after you orgasm, she won't be impressed.
4
End on a good note. After you've had sex with your girlfriend, or just hooked up a bit, you should finish strong so that she wants to come back for more. After you're done hooking up, spend some time cuddling or caressing in bed with your girlfriend, so she feels loved and appreciated. Tell her how sexy she is and what an amazing time you had.
- Keep it sexy. The possibility to hook up and get turned on is always there, so the next time you see your girlfriend, look your best, touch her gently, and let her know how sexy she is. If you keep it up, she'll be turned on again in no time.
Tip: Some time after she leaves, you can text or call her and say something sly to remind her of what a great time you had -- and how turned on she was.

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Tips

Consent is a must. If she says no, don’t take it personally. And if things start heating up and she decides to change her mind, that is her decision that you MUST respect.

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Do not forget to use mouth spray before you get into close contact with her. Some girls like it.

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While talking to her, rub her arms, legs or inner thighs. Most girls love this and find it a big turn on.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Before initiating any sexual contact, make sure to get her consent first. If she says "no" or changes her mind, respect that without question. Forcing unwanted contact is never acceptable.
Sex isn't always the ultimate goal or measure of intimacy. There are many ways to bond and give each other pleasure without intercourse. Focus more on her fulfillment.
Pay attention to her verbal and nonverbal signals over your own instincts for what should feel good. Respond to signs of arousal or discomfort from her.
Avoid hickeys or love bites unless you've specifically asked if she likes them. Some women don't enjoy marking. Also be careful of very ticklish spots.
Go at her pace when it comes to more intimate acts like touching breasts or genitals. Not all women are comfortable with this, so let her lead.

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Warnings

Every girl is different. Find out what she likes and doesn't like before you do too much.

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Helpful 279 Not Helpful 45
Don't move through these steps too fast, this can cause her to be uneasy about going further.

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Make sure when rubbing her inner legs that she is okay with this. If you don't have her permission, she might find this as an unnecessary sexual advance and that will definitely ruin the mood.

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Never pressure her; it'll make her feel angry or scared, not turned on.

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