This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
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Finding out that your partner has cheated on you unleashes a flood of emotions that can be extremely difficult to handle. You might not know what to do or how you'll ever trust them (or anyone else) again. The good news, though, is that time really does heal all wounds. We talked to licensed therapists and relationship experts to find out what you can do to get over being cheated on so you're ready to move on with your life—with or without your partner.
Healing After Being Cheated On
- Take some time and space away from your partner to process your feelings before deciding what you want to do about your relationship.
- Prioritize self-care and focus on yourself to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem. Lean on family and close friends who have your best interests at heart.
- If you decide to work on the relationship, use couples counseling as a safe space to address the underlying issues that led to the betrayal.
Steps
Forgive & Move Past Betrayal With This Expert Series
Expert Q&A
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QuestionDoes the pain of being cheated on ever go away?Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWKelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
PsychotherapistIt can. It takes time, and you definitely have to be patient, but this is absolutely something you can work through. I would recommend going to see a therapist or counselor, though. It often really helps to have that neutral space to process and express yourself while you're working through this. -
QuestionHow can I get over the insecurity I feel about being cheated on?Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWKelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
PsychotherapistFirst, you should recognize that what you're feeling is totally normal. That's a natural response to being cheated on. Second, you have to internalize that this isn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. Even if the two of you were fighting or not getting along, you didn't cause this. It takes time, but once those two realizations set in, you'll stop feeling so insecure. -
QuestionIs it possible to stay together after you've been cheated on?Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWKelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
PsychotherapistAbsolutely. It can feel like it's impossible right now, but it's certainly something you can work through if that's what you want. However, I would 100% recommend the two of you get counseling. It's possible to work through this on your own, but it can be challenging without some professional help.
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References
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
- ↑ https://ct.counseling.org/2020/04/recovering-from-the-trauma-of-infidelity/
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-sexual-trauma/202010/how-release-guilt-and-self-blame-after-being-betrayed
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201802/your-partner-cheated-now-what
- ↑ https://ct.counseling.org/2020/04/recovering-from-the-trauma-of-infidelity/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201802/your-partner-cheated-now-what
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
- ↑ Charity Danker, LPC. Licensed Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. Expert Interview. 12 July 2023.
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/speaking-about-trauma/202205/the-steps-can-repair-relationship-after-affair
- ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
- ↑ https://ct.counseling.org/2020/04/recovering-from-the-trauma-of-infidelity/
- ↑ Charity Danker, LPC. Licensed Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. Expert Interview. 12 July 2023.
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-to-do-after-an-affair/
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101/cheating-and-breakups
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/202002/if-youve-been-cheated-read
- ↑ Charity Danker, LPC. Licensed Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. Expert Interview. 12 July 2023.
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Reader Success Stories
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"Well it really made me think more about why my boyfriend is still stuck in resentment towards a woman, period. Even though I've not cheated on him I just need to learn to love him through the rough times I suffer due to another person's behavior. :-)!!"..." more