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This article was co-authored by Annie Lin, MBA. Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Are you timid but you wish you could speak out more? Do you often feel overlooked in groups and want to make your voice heard? Is your participation grade in class suffering because of your shyness? It's definitely not your fault that you were born a bit shyer than the average person, but it's something that you can overcome with effort. With a fresh mindset and a little bit of acting, you too can be confident and assertive when interacting with others.
Steps
Be Charismatic with this Expert Series
Expert Advice
To feel more confident when you're around others:
- Breathe deeply.
- Make eye contact when you're talking to people.
- Smile.
- Pay attention to your posture—stand tall with your shoulders back.
- Think of conversation as a chance to connect, rather than a performance.
- Be curious. Ask questions, listen actively to the person's answers, and comment on those answers.
- Brush up on current affairs or practice telling interesting stories about yourself, like trips you've been on or books you've read.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I stop being shy and insecure?
Annie Lin, MBAAnnie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program.
Life & Career CoachTry meditating each day to ground yourself. As you meditate, imagine you are a big tree, extending your roots down into the earth. This helps calm your nervous system, and it allows you to listen deeply to yourself. -
QuestionHow can I not to be shy when talking to a girl?
Trudi Griffin, LPC, MSTrudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.
Professional CounselorAdjust your state of mind. Approach a girl as if she is a friend and someone you already know instead of someone to be nervous around. -
QuestionWhy would a person be shy?Trudi Griffin, LPC, MSTrudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.
Professional CounselorThere are many causes of shyness including negative relationship experiences, social anxiety, or low self-esteem.
Reader Videos
Tips
References
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/20-ways-to-attack-shyness/
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/20-ways-to-attack-shyness/
- ↑ https://books.google.com/books?id=ETzciRvm5osC&pg=PA146&lpg=PA146&dq=don%27t+expect+perfection+shy&source=bl&ots=cfJCq8ytOs&sig=m7CMH4VyPekTbMc92Vh4cqicJFs&hl=en&sa=X&ei=xAw3VYmjMYqWyQSd04CgBg&ved=0CB8Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=don't%20expect%20perfection%20shy&f=false
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201501/6-ways-get-more-comfortable-others-and-yourself
- ↑ http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/arts-culture/stories/10-tips-for-overcoming-shyness
- ↑ http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/arts-culture/stories/10-tips-for-overcoming-shyness
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-and-sensibility/201212/50-ways-overcome-shyness-and-anxiety-social-gatherings
- ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/03/living/how-to-overcome-shyness-relate-real-simple/
- ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/03/living/how-to-overcome-shyness-relate-real-simple/
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/20-ways-to-attack-shyness/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-and-sensibility/201212/50-ways-overcome-shyness-and-anxiety-social-gatherings
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/20-ways-to-attack-shyness/
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/20-ways-to-attack-shyness/
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/21/fashion/amy-cuddy-takes-a-stand-TED-talk.html?_r=0
- ↑ http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
- ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/20-ways-to-attack-shyness/
About This Article
To go from shy to confident, practice interacting with strangers, even if it's a little awkward at first, so you can get better at starting conversations. Also, when conversing with others, act confident even if you don't feel that way at first since acting bolder will help you feel that way over time. When you do go out to a party or meeting, do something you enjoy right before the event, like listening to music or reading a book, to help you relax. Once you’re out, start small by making eye contact during conversations. To learn how to adopt power poses to make you feel more confident, keep reading!
Reader Success Stories
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"I haven't yet broken my shell of shyness, but I know that this article will help me, since it is so intricate. I'm confident that I can go from a shy introvert to a more social introvert. Usually I talk to barely anyone because I just don't participate enough in social interactions. (Or at least I feel inadequate about my social performance in general.) So soon, I hope to be better at all aspects of social interaction."..." more
