How to Give a Natural, Comforting Hug to Your Girlfriend

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Tips for hugging your girlfriend & avoiding awkwardness

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

Last Updated: November 27, 2024

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Hugging Her Goodbye

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Hugging Her During a Movie

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

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Warnings

At the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell when the time is right for physical contact. You will need to be courageous, wait for a moment when a hug seems natural and make the move. If she is your girlfriend, chances are that she wants you to hug her.

Hugging Your Girlfriend 101

Open your arms and step toward her to signal you're going to hug her. Wrap your arms around her shoulders or waist and hold her gently – neither too loose nor too tight. If she hugs you back, hold it for a few seconds until her arms loosen. If she refuses to hug or is stiff in your arms, step back and give her space.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Hugging Her Goodbye

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1
Get to know her. Walk with her. Talk with her. The more time you spend with her, the more natural it will be to hug her.
- Consider holding her hand. Don't ask her: just reach for her hand while you're walking together and twine your fingers into hers. This establishes physical intimacy, but it isn't as heavy as a hug.
- If she is very shy or reserved, she may not be comfortable hugging in public, at least not at first. Be considerate.
2
Hug her goodbye when you part ways with her. This moment is the perfect opportunity to make a move.
- Maybe you walked her to her next class at the end of lunch, and now it's time for you to head to your own class. Maybe you walked her home and you're leaving to walk to your own house. No matter the situation, you're probably going to tell her goodbye, and you can easily turn this into a hug.
- If you are walking together, slow down until you are at a complete stop. If she keeps walking, she may not be ready for the hug.
- Say, "Well, I'd better get to class." or "It's been great talking to you." This will establish that you're leaving without saying "goodbye" yet. Consider saying something romantic, like "I really like you." or "You have such a beautiful smile." If it's a new relationship, try not to come on too strong and say something like "I love you." This might scare her.
- Look into her eyes. There will be a moment when you're both looking at each other. Open your arms, step toward her, and initiate the hug.
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3
Open your arms and step toward her to signal that you want to hug her. Wrap your arms around her and hold her gently. Don't hug her too hard, at first, but don't be stiff about it. If she's into it, she will return the hug.
- The important thing is that the hug feels natural, not forced. If you get the moment right, she won't even have to think about it. She'll just hug you back.
- It doesn't matter too much whether your arms are on top, or her arms are on top. If you're much taller than her, it may feel more natural to hug her around the shoulders while she hugs you around the waist. When you're more intimate with her, you may want to hug her with your arms below hers--this brings your faces closer together.
- Don't hug too tight. Be careful not to hurt her or make her uncomfortable. You should be holding her gently, but not squeezing her. If she squeezes you, by all means squeeze her back.
- Bear in mind that if she shrinks back from the hug at first, she may just be surprised. It doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't want you to hug her. In fact, there's a good chance that she's just as nervous as you are.
4
Hug her whenever it feels natural. You don't need to hug her only to say goodbye--you just need to make sure that the mood is right.
- Hug her anytime you'd hug a female relative--your mother, your sister, your aunt. You'll hug your girlfriend differently than you would hug a female relative, but some of the emotions are the same.
- Hug her when she's sad. Open your arms, hold her firmly, and let her cry into your shoulder.
- Hug her when she's happy. If she's excited, open your arms and step toward her to offer a hug. Odds are, she'll take the hint and jump into your arms.
- Hug her when you feel emotionally close to her. If you've just said romantic words to each other--something like "I like you a lot." or "I'm so glad you're my girlfriend."--try to hug her in the heat of the moment. Open your arms, step toward her, and offer a hug.
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Read her reaction. If you reach to hug her and she seems into it, then keep hugging her. If she refuses, let her go.
- If she seems uncomfortable or she pushes you away, give her space. She may not be ready to become physically intimate with you, even if it's just hugging. If she doesn't have much relationship experience, she may not know what to do in the situation.
- Again, odds are that if she's calling herself your girlfriend, she wants you to hug her. Go hug her!

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Putting Your Arm Around Her During a Movie

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1
Put your arm around her while you're sitting next to her. This is a classic early-relationship move. If she's open to a hug, she's probably open to this.
- You can try this any time that you're sitting next to her for longer than a few minutes. Consider putting your arm around her during a movie, a concert, a school play, in the backseat of a car, or on a ferris wheel.
- Make sure that the seat you're sitting in has a back-side to rest your arm on. Couches are great for this.
- Consider picking a time when there aren't many other people around. She may feel self-conscious if a lot of her friends, or yours, see you make your move. If the lights are low--say, you're watching a movie, or it's dark outside--she may feel more comfortable.
2
Sit next to her. Sit close enough that you can reach around to her far shoulder--anywhere from a few inches to a foot apart.
- Wait until you've been sitting next to each other for at least 5-10 minutes. She should be comfortable, and you should be comfortable.
- Wait for the right moment: maybe there's a romantic scene taking place in the movie, or maybe it's a slow, cinematic scene when there's no dialogue and the music swells. Avoid making your move during an especially tense moment, such as a chase scene or a scene with complex dialogue. When you put your arm around her, the movie is the last thing that she will be thinking about, and she might be irritated if you make her miss something important.
3
Make the move. Lift your arm slowly but purposely and reach behind her. Lay your arm against the back of the couch or seat, and gently rest your arm along the ridge of her shoulders.
- Play it cool. Be casual and nonchalant. If she doesn't shake your arm away, there's a good chance that she's into it. Leave your arm where it is and keep watching the show.
- Keep acting the same way that you were doing before, but feel about ten times cooler.
- If she shrugs your arm away or moves your arm off of her shoulder, don't push it. She isn't in the mood, or she isn't interested. Keep your cool and keep watching the show.
4
Consider yawning for effect. This is a classic "excuse" to lift your arms up and make the move.
- Take a big, theatrical yawn, reach your arms high into the air, and lay one arm down on her shoulders. Rest your arm there unless she shrugs you away.
- The yawn is a cheesy move, to be sure, but it might make her laugh and break the tension of the moment.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do you hug your crush on a date?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Greet them with a hug! Make sure that it's warm and friendly, and that you don't linger after the fact. This helps set the tone for your date, and sets a baseline that physical touch might happen during the date.

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Tips

Try asking for it. Say, "Can I have a hug?"^{[1]
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Research source} She may think that you're adorable.

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Be careful where you place your arms. Stick with above the waist in relatively new relationships, as this is often the most comfortable.

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Warnings

When approaching her, try not to step on her feet. It might ruin the moment.

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Don't have a scared or scary expression. It might make her scared or wonder why you look like you're mad. This might kill the moment.

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