How to Initiate Physical Contact with a Girl

Co-authored by Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST

Last Updated: December 6, 2024

If you like a girl or want to start a relationship with her, touching her in a light and friendly manner can let her know that you are interested. Perhaps you like a close friend, or are nervous to start talking to someone you just met. By being kind and initiating physical contact in the proper way, you overcome can fear, have a deeper relationship, and avoid awkward moments.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Getting to Know Her

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Hug her when you see her. This is very casual and common among friends. Hugging shows her that you are excited to see her and is a good start to initiating physical contact.^{[1]
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- If she refrains from hugging you back, she may be uncomfortable or uninterested and you should hold back.
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Brush against her. Sit next to her with your shoulders or thighs touching, or “accidentally” bump into her as you walk. If this happens a few times, she may take the hint.^{[2]
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- Keep in mind that this might be a little too subtle and she may not even notice.
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Touch her back. This works especially well if you are walking together, as you can easily put your hand gently on her back.
- Use your surroundings to give reason for contact. For example, if you see a dog or other animal at a distance, touch her back and say something along the lines of “Look over there!”^{[3]
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Place your hand on her knee. If you are sitting next to her, lightly touch her knee as you stand up. ^{[4]
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- You can also do this if you are trying to get her attention. Simply tap her leg and say, “Hey, I just wanted to tell you…” or ask her a question.

Part 2

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Taking the Next Step

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Put your arm around her shoulders. If she snuggles closer or at least doesn't pull back, this is a good sign that she feels very comfortable with you.^{[5]
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- If she has followed along up until this point and now stops you or seems hesitant, she may just like you as a friend.
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Tickle her lightly. This is fun and playful; however, if she seems to not like it or tells you to stop, make sure to do so. If she is interested in you, she may laugh excessively, blush, or tickle you back. ^{[6]
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- Keep in mind that some people just don't like tickling, and this might not be an accurate reflection of her opinion of you.
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Hold her hand. If you feel like you are at this point, try holding her hand while you are walking or alone together. If she continues to hold it, there is a good chance that she is interested in a relationship with you. And if she gives you this signal, it might make sense for you to have a conversation about your romantic interest to see if she's feeling the same way!^{[7]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 818 wikiHow readers about the best ways to ask out or confess feelings to someone, and 82% agreed that it’s best to have a face-to-face conversation about your romantic interest. [Take Poll]
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Pay attention to how she reacts to you. Gauge her comfort with physical touch. Then, use this to build a connection gradually. For instance, if she seems open to it, offer to gently put your arm around her while walking.

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How can I not be shy with women?

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Believe in yourself. Have confidence, or at least pretend to have it until you really do have it. Look them in the eye, try to relax, and ask questions about them. This will help move the conversation forward.

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Can she hold me by the waist if I hold her by the waist?

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Sure! If you both are comfortable, experiment holding each other in different places.

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Can I do this if she is my girlfriend?

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Absolutely! If she is your girlfriend, she probably wants to engage in physical contact and get closer to you.

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Warnings

Do not make her uncomfortable in any way. If she tells you to back off, she isn't interested in you.

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If you're feeling insecure with the first interactions, talk it out with someone you trust. Discuss their experiences and try to know the good, the bad and the awkward about physical contact with the other sex. This will help put you at ease.

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