How and When to Caress a Girl

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Check out our guide to getting hot and heavy so you can canoodle with confidence

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta and Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: November 10, 2024 Fact Checked

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Using the Right Technique

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Where to Touch Her

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Reading the Situation

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Q&A

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Warnings

You’ve been spending time with a girl you really like, and you’re wondering how to go about caressing her in a way that's appropriate and seductive. Is this something she’d be up for? How can you tell, and how do you do it? Don’t worry, we’re here to help! We’ve got a guide on gauging her interest and getting consent before feeling her up, as well as how to caress her in a way that’ll drive her wild.

Things You Should Know

Start caressing her gently and slowly. You can initiate caressing with a hug or by carefully grazing her skin with your fingers.
Begin with less sensitive areas of the body, like her face, calves, or upper back, and work your way towards more sensitive areas, like her thighs, neck, or ears.
The longer you’ve been together, the more intimate you may expect to get, but remember that no matter how long you’ve been involved, you always need consent.
Observe her body language to make sure she enjoys being touched, or directly ask her if it’s OK to caress her.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Using the Right Technique

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1
Touch her gently. It’s important to use a gentle touch when you caress a girl. Try to just let your fingertips graze her skin as you caress her.^{[1]
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- Avoid sharp and quick movements. Softer and smoother touches are relaxing and a little sexy. Caress a girl gently and softly, like she is made of silk.
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Hug her softly. Hugging can be an effective way to start caressing a girl whether you’re in a new relationship or you’ve been together for a while. Give the girl a hug and slowly transition into caressing her back, shoulders, and face.^{[2]
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- Go in for a hug, and then gently stroke her back with one hand. If she seems to like this, then reach up to her face with your other hand and stroke the side of her cheek.
- If she keeps the hug quick and friendly, then perhaps she isn't interested. If she tries to make the hug last longer, then perhaps she's interested in having more physical connection with you.
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Put your arm around her shoulders or waist. Putting an arm around her is a good way to segue into caressing. You may only want to try this if you're pretty sure she will like it and have already done things like hold hands.^{[3]
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- For example, gently place your arm around her shoulders or waist while standing next to her in line for a movie or while chatting with her between classes.
- After you place your arm around her shoulder or waist, you can gently caress her shoulder or hip with that hand.
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Compliment her as you caress her. Your girl might enjoy your caresses even more if you give her some compliments while you are touching her. This can make the caressing seem even more intimate and special.
- Find something you genuinely like about her, and the compliments will flow. For instance, "You have the most beautiful eyes" or "Your hair is the softest hair I've ever touched."
- Or keep it short and simple: "You're beautiful," "You smell great," "I really, really like you."

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Where to Touch Her

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1
Start by touching her face and making eye contact. While you don’t need to make eye contact the entire time you’re caressing her, looking her in the eyes for a few seconds now and then is a great way to enhance sexual tension and intimacy. Touching her face while gazing into her eyes is a good way to show her you care about her, not just her body, making the face a good place to start caressing.^{[4]
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- Gently brushing your fingers across her cheek is a really good way to let her know you want to kiss her and give her time to react.
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Segue from her less sensitive areas to her erogenous zones. It's always best to start a good canoodle by touching her in places that are not too sensitive, and then move on to more sensitive areas if she is okay with it. For example, you can caress a girl on her arm, calf, or upper back to start, and if she seems receptive, move onto more intimate areas.
- If you have never caressed her before, try holding her hand to start. If she lets you hold her hand, and holds onto it for a while, then she might be interested in more touching and you can try touching her back or arm next.
- If she likes what you’re doing, you can transition to her erogenous zones. For example, you might move from her upper back to her lower back, or from her calf to her thigh. Watch for cues that she is open to this, such as smiling or moving towards your touch.^{[5]
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3
Touch her hair, and play with it. Girls enjoy having their hair played with, stroked, and brushed. Run your fingers through her mane, eventually working your way up her neck to rub behind her ears.
- Tuck her hair behind her ear. If you notice her hair has come undone, or is in her way, brush it off her face. It probably won't stay there, but she'll definitely notice the gesture.
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Rub her hands. Did you know the hand is an erogenous zone? There are lots of nerve endings in the hand, especially in the palms and fingers, which makes them extra sensitive to touch. Touching a girl’s hands is a great way to initiate some intimacy, and, conveniently, it’s something you can do in a public setting. Try rubbing your thumb across the back of her hand while you hold hands, or massage her palm.^{[6]
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- Take things a little further by carefully lifting her hand to your lips and kissing it.
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Caress her in more intimate places. If you think that your relationship has progressed enough to try caressing her in more intimate areas, then you can try caressing those areas. Just watch her cues and listen to her. If she says she does not want to be caressed in a certain place, then back off and go back to something less intimate like holding hands.
- Touching the outer thighs is a flirtatious move that you might try if you are in an intimate relationship. Try running your hands down the sides of her waist and down towards her thighs, and then bring them back up to rest near her hips.
- Other areas of the body that are sensitive but often overlooked include the small of her back and her feet. However, be careful when caressing these areas because she might be ticklish.
- If she's open to you caressing private areas, like her breasts, remember that these areas on a girl can be very sensitive. Start with the outside of her breasts and move inwards. Don't start at her nipples.^{[7]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Reading the Situation

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1
Study her body language to see if she’s open to your touch. Only 10 to 15 percent of communication is verbal, so that means the rest is done through micro-expressions, such as body language and eye movements. Pay attention to her body language to determine if she might like you to caress her.
- Does she make eye contact with you? Does she keep looking at you when she catches you looking? Is her body language open (facing toward you) or is it closed (arms crossed in front of her, for example)?
- Don't take it personally if she’s just not in the mood for touching. She could be tired, or maybe just not up for it.^{[8]
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- If she plays with her hair, touches you first in any way, moves closer to you, or looks at you and then looks away shyly, she is more likely to be open to your caress.
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Make sure the setting is appropriate for fooling around. There are some types of caressing that are appropriate for a public setting, while others are not. Your girl might feel uncomfortable if you try to touch her in really intimate ways or places around other people or in public. She’ll probably be more open to a caress in a private setting, such as your home or hers. (And people not involved in your PDA might appreciate you keeping it private, too!)
- If you take a girl to the movies, hold her hand and rub circles on her palm. It's a small thing, but it feels good!
- Limiting your touch in public can actually help build sexual tension. Light touches to her elbow or the small of her back will help build her anticipation—she’ll be dying to get you alone!
3
Expect less intimacy if you haven't been together long. Consider the stage of your relationship to determine how intimate to get. There’s no right and wrong time to get intimate with a girl, but the longer you’ve been together, the higher the likelihood she’ll be receptive to your touches. Consider how long you’ve been together and how much touching you’ve done prior to now before you try to canoodle.
- As intimacy increases, so do opportunities for caressing. If you've only just started going out, she may be ready to get hot and heavy, but it's unlikely.
- Keep in mind that even if she was comfortable being touched in a certain place or way once, it doesn't mean you have consent to do so again.^{[9]
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4
Ask her whether it's okay if you caress her. There's no downside to being a gentleman. Her body language may tell you if she likes what you're doing, but asking her directly will ensure you don't misread her cues. If the girl doesn’t know you well, she probably doesn't want to be caressed by you. If she asks you to stop, then stop.
- Ask the girl if she likes what you’re doing, ask her what she'd like you to do, or ask her to coach you and put your hands where she wants them. This can make her feel more comfortable by showing that you are open to her requests and boundaries.^{[10]
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Caress her without expecting it to lead to sex. Caressing could lead to sex, but realize that just because a girl lets you touch her—maybe even in intimate places—it doesn’t mean she’s consenting to sex. Touch her without expectation, and just enjoy the experience of being together and caressing someone you care about.^{[11]
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- Check in with her as you touch her to make sure she’s on board, and to let her know you can stop touching if she ever gets uncomfortable. Ask her "Is this okay?" when you touch any part of her body.

Community Q&A

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Question

Is it good to suck the breasts while caressing the girl?

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If she's enthusiastically up for it, sure. It's best to start slow and gentle, even if she does consent. Start by gently grazing her breast and work up to using your mouth.

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How will I caress a girl that lost someone and is feeling emotional to make her feel better and comfort her?

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Be aware that someone in emotional distress may technically be able to consent to sexual touching, but they're likely in a really vulnerable state, so it's probably best to keep things non-sexual: try putting your arm around her shoulder, embracing her in a hug, or playing with her hair. Unless you've both been together for a while and have been intimate, it's best to avoid sexual touching, as she's likely feeling really vulnerable. Even if you have been together for a long time and have been intimate, check in with her as you go to make sure everything is OK, and immediately stop if she changes her mind.

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If your partner turns her back when giving her a cuddle, what does this mean?

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If your partner turns her back, it could be her way of indicating she's not in the mood for cuddles right now, or she may just want you to touch her back! A nice shoulder rub is a great way to show your partner you care. For some people, the lower back is a sensitive area that, when touched, can result in arousal or ticklishness. Don't make assumptions here, though: if you're not certain what she means by turning her back to you, ask her!

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Warnings

Know when to stop. Caressing can easily lead to more intimate touching. Never do anything you aren't 110% sure you want to do. And if she tells you no, respect it. No exceptions.

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