How to Know if You Like Your Same Gender Best Friend

Co-authored by Kateri Berasi, PsyD

Last Updated: September 29, 2022

This is a really tricky question, but every question needs an answer. You are probably here because you are suspecting that you like them and that is totally OK. This article will help you know if you like your same-gender best friend.

Steps

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1
Consider how you view their appearance. There is a difference between aesthetic attraction and romantic/sexual attraction. If you think your friend is good-looking, and you like to look at their face/body but that's all it is, then you probably don't like them.
- Aesthetic attraction—Wow, he has nice hair. It's appealing to look at.
- Romantic/sexual attraction—Wow, he has nice hair. I want to run my hands through it and kiss him and go out to dinner with him.
2
Ask your friends or family about their first crushes, or how they feel about the love of their life. How did they know? What did it feel like to them? (You don't need to mention the name of the person you're thinking about if you don't want to.)

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3
Notice how others respond to the two of you. If you have a pretty obvious crush on them, then other people may notice—assuming you're a couple, acting cold and disapproving, or trying to set the two of you up. If your friends detect a crush, they will probably gently tease you and try to set you up with your best friend.
4
Consider how much you think about them. Are they often on your mind? Are you constantly thinking of ways to spend time with them? If you think about your friend much more than you think about other people, this means you likely have a crush on them.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Bisexual?

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If you have ever wondered “Am I bisexual?”, you’re not alone—and you’ve come to the right place. Bisexuality means romantic or sexual attraction to more than one gender, and there’s no exact set of criteria or experiences you have to check off to identify that way. If you’re looking to explore your attractions, we’ve got the quiz for you.

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How would you feel if a person of the same gender asked for your number?

I’d be thrilled.

I’d be nervous. My stomach would probably do a little flip.

I’d be curious about getting to know them better.

I’d be flattered, but I’d let them know I’m not interested.

5
Think if you've had any romantic or sexual thoughts about them. Straight/aromantic-asexual people might have a few passing thoughts or weird dreams about same-gender relationships, but they're fleeting and minor in the long run. If you keep thinking about dating, kissing, or going beyond kissing with your friend, then there's a good chance you like them.
6
Think about how you feel around them. Do your cheeks feel warm and does your face feel like it's glowing? Does spending time with them boost your mood and make your day seem brighter?
7
Consider how positively you feel towards them. Since you're friends, you'll naturally like each other, but love and crushes go beyond this. Do you see their inner beauty? Do you recognize their faults and strengths, and love every piece of who they are? Do you want to be with them all the time? This is a sign of blossoming love.
- Think whether your friend shares your values.^{[1]
  X
  Research source}
- Consider whether the person has the qualities you respect, such as being kind, thoughtful, supportive, and honest.^{[2]
  X
  Research source}
- See whether your friend enjoys doing the same activities you like.^{[3]
  X
  Research source}

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Question

I have been friends with this girl for years. We took things to a new level and things went great when I asked her out. How do I tell others about our new status?

Community Answer

It's just like having a boyfriend, expect it is just a girl. Don't worry about it!

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I have a friend who seems to be straight, but we're really close even though we haven't known each other long and our friends think of us as a couple. Should I ask her something about her preference?

Community Answer

If you're curious about her preference, you should ask. If you two are close, then it likely won't be awkward. If you don't want to ask her directly, then talk to some of your mutual friends and see if they know. If you are into her, then you should see if she likes you back. You may never know if you don't ask.

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I am straight and she is also. What should I do?

Iveza

Community Answer

If you really are straight, then your feelings probably aren't what you think they are. However, it could be that you are bi; you should try and analyze your feelings for her and figure out if they are a true attraction.

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Tips

If they're not interested, give yourself time to process this and get through your sadness.

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Be confident.

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A close friend will appreciate your friendship even if they don't return your feelings.

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Warnings

If you really care about your friendship and you are sure that the other person is not attracted to you and doesn't like you the same way, don't go further than the friend zone.

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If you're not sure your friend is interested in same-gender relationships, know that it is always better to ask then to make assumptions.

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