How to Make a Reasonable Excuse to Miss a Date

Co-authored by Julianne Cantarella

Last Updated: October 16, 2024

Sometimes you want to cancel a date and you don't have a reason that's easy to talk about. Try to cancel plans sparingly, and give a good excuse so that the person you are canceling on doesn't feel like you are blowing them off. A truthful excuse will serve you best in most circumstances; in others, a simple lie can get you off the hook. Make a plan to meet again, or let them know that you're not interested at all.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Telling the Truth

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1
Explain the feelings that are preventing you from coming. If you are trying to make an excuse, you must have a reason. If it's a reason the person you are supposed to meet will understand, offer it.^{[1]
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- If your reason is about you, it might not offend. If you are too tired, too sick, too overworked, or too depressed to meet up, say so.
- You might say, "I'm so sorry to cancel, but I've been feeling really down and I don't think I'm up to spending time with anyone."
- If your reason is about the person, you might offend them if you offer this as a reason to miss the date. Avoid saying things like "I'm not in the mood to see you," or "last time we hung out it took forever and I was bored."
- If you just don't want to date them, however, you should tell them instead of just canceling the date.
2
Be honest about your level of interest.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} If you have a romantic date with someone you aren't actually interested in, tell them. If you don't like someone who likes you, you will have to tell them eventually. Canceling on them repeatedly until they get the idea is not the kindest way.
- If you realize you want to cancel a date because you aren't interested, call the person and say so.
- You might say, "I think you're great, but I'm just not emotionally available to date you right now."
- If you're interested in someone else, say, "I have feelings for someone else, and I can't really see past those at this time."
- If you just aren't dating at the moment, tell them this. "I'm not up for dating right now. I'm just spending time with friends."
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3
Create a conflict. If you don't want to keep a date with someone, create a conflict that will prevent you from going. For instance, you might schedule a doctor's appointment for that time. You can then contact your date and tell the truth without going into too much detail.
- You might say, "I have a doctor's appointment when we were supposed to meet up. I'm sorry! Can we make a new plan?"
- You will have to suggest a make-up date if this is your technique. Only create a conflict if you are willing to meet up later.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Lying About Your Availability

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1
Make claims about your health. Lie and say you are not feeling well. You can claim to have a cold, a sore throat, a flare up of a condition you really have, a sudden stomachache, or a general sense of unwellness.^{[3]
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- Don't give too much detail. Just say, "I have to cancel our plans today, I'm afraid. I have a sore throat and I am not feeling well."
2
Say you forgot another commitment. Claim to have forgotten that you made another plan at the same time. Say it's something you can't get out of. It could be a date with a friend, a medical appointment, or a work meeting.^{[4]
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- For example, say: "I made plans with my dad ages ago, and I just forgot to put them in my calendar. I can't really change on him, so I have to ask you to let me give you a rain check for today!"
3
Claim that work complications arose. You can say you have to stay late, go in early, have a meeting, or work from home. Cite the time of year if it is a busy one.^{[5]
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- You could tell them, "I'm so sorry to change our plans, but this is our busy season and I have to do catch up all weekend."
- Remember to stick to your lie! Don't head out on the town that night if you canceled on someone--they might see you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Minimizing Damage

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1
Suggest a make-up date. When you cancel on someone you like, it's best to suggest a new time for you to meet. Unless you are trying to permanently distance yourself from your date, you should suggest the soonest possible opportunity to meet again.
- You might suggest trying again at the same time next week, or perhaps meeting the next day.
2
Admit fault. If you cancel on someone, you may be privileging your needs over those of the other person, and you are certainly letting them down in a small way. Make excuses, but apologize as well.
- Apologize by saying, "I'm so sorry to cancel. I hate to ask you to move your schedule around when we already had plans."
- If you forgot a date, apologize profusely.
An occasional small social lie can spare everyone's feelings, but generally it's best to not tell lies, especially with friends and loved ones. Little lies can lead to big lies. If you get caught doing something that isn't what you said you were up to, you'll lose the respect of the person you were supposed to meet.^{[6]
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4
Don't involve others in your lie. Lying only works if you keep it simple and believable. If you say you were with someone else, you risk them spilling the beans. Instead, tell a simple lie without many details.
- Don't say, "Carly was feeling sad so I have to spend the day with her!"
- Say, "I am not feeling good, so I'm going to stay home."
If you cancel twice on a new acquaintance, you are unlikely to hear from them again. When you miss one appointment, make sure to make the next one for a time you can absolutely attend.
Don't cancel the same day if you can avoid it. Give your friend or acquaintance time to make new plans. Never cancel after the person you are seeing is likely to have already started heading toward your meeting point.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Missing a Court Date

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1
Contact your lawyer or the court. If you know you need to miss a court date, contact your lawyer and ask them to get your date adjourned (put off) or rescheduled for an earlier time. Do this as soon as you can.
- If you don't have a lawyer, call the court. Explain why you cannot attend, and ask for your court date to be rescheduled.
- You may be asked to present material evidence, such as a doctor's certificate.
2
Get evidence. If you know you cannot make a court date, or if you already missed a court date, you can be excused for being medically unfit or undergoing a medical emergency. Ask your doctor or an emergency room attendant for a certificate or a medical report. Ask for it to be verifiable: for instance, it should be signed by your doctor, or printed on official stationery. The date should be included.
- Present this to your lawyer or to the judge.
- Another acceptable excuse is that you got into a car accident or there was some sort of natural disaster. You'll need to provide evidence that this was indeed the case.
3
Present yourself if you've already missed a date. If you missed a date, there may be a warrant out for your arrest. Go to the local police station or go directly to the court where you missed your date. Present yourself in court with verifiable evidence that you were unable to attend, such as a medical certificate or medical report from the date in question.
- If you are a charged with an offense for having failed to attend, get legal help before making your plea.

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Tips

If you've been dating the other person for a while and don't want to keep going, try to break up with them face to face. Don't keep making excuses or stalling.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}

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Don't always use the same excuse, this may be seen through easily.

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If you have a trusting relationship, don't lie. Chances are your partner will understand and may even be happy you told the truth.

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Warnings

Don't lie too often, only when it is necessary or your partner will know that you're a lie too much.

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Don't make lies about people, this is very risky especially if the person isn't in on the lie.

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