How to Pick Up a Girl in a Club

Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Amber Crain

Last Updated: August 26, 2024 References

Despite how they're portrayed in TV, movies, and music, clubs are not magical paradises where everyone effortlessly finds a date. It still takes a little effort to meet someone, even in this environment! However, you don't need cheesy pick-up lines or any other special "tricks" to pick up a girl in a club. Try to follow the same basic rules you'd follow anywhere else: be kind, be yourself, and have fun. Read her cues and, if she seems interested, take things to the next level.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Heading to the Club

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1
Shower and groom yourself. You want to give the best first impression you can when meeting people, and that starts with your physical appearance. Luckily, looking good does not actually take a lot of work -- clean off, brush your teeth, and wear clean, crisp clothes.
- Wear deodorant and, if you are putting on cologne or other fragrance, be sure to use it in moderation.
- Imagine you are going out on a date. You want to be clean and prepared to impress.
2
Dress in comfortable but stylish clothing. Clubs are, without fail, hot, dark, and sweaty places. You want to look presentable but still have the freedom to move, dance, and enjoy yourself. Remember, however, that every club is different -- some have a dress code. You may want to check the place out online or ask a friend before you head out.
- To look polished but still casual, try a pair of dark wash denim jeans.^{[1]
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- Try not to wear black, as black-lights have a habit of making unflattering reflections. Blues, grays, and solid color shirts or basic patterns look clean and cool.^{[2]
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3
Bring a group of friends with you. While you don't want to spend the whole night talking to people you already know, having friends around makes the whole evening more fun and gives you people to talk to when things get awkward. Most people go to the club with friends, and if one of your friends makes a connection with someone, the rest of the group often gets introduced as well.
- Avoid calling your group an "entourage" or your "wing-men."
- If you're going alone and aren't the most gregarious person, you may feel awkward. That's okay though! Just try to have fun, meet people, and dance.
4
Avoid getting drunk. Despite the rumors of alcohol as "liquid courage," sloppy drunks are no fun for anyone. There is nothing wrong with having 2-3 drinks throughout the night, but you shouldn't need to get hammered in order to talk to women. Pace yourself so that you are clear and coherent. You should be able to hold a conversation with someone and dance without stumbling.^{[3]
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- If you need a time-frame, try to limit yourself to one full drink an hour.
5
Have a good time, whether you meet someone or not. No one likes a person who is clearly just looking for someone to hook-up with. It alienates your friends and, more often than not, comes off as visibly creepy. More importantly, having fun will make it easier to meet someone, as you won't feel as nervous and will have the confidence to talk to others. Having fun exudes positive energy!
- It's fine to want to meet women when you go out. But if the only reason that you go clubbing is to meet women while intoxicated, then you will usually go home disappointed.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Chatting with Women

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Finding the right woman to talk to might be the hardest part of the whole process, but try not to overthink things. Head up to the bar and chat in line while you wait. Say hello to a woman sitting along the wall or at the edge of the dance floor. Focus on quiet areas where you could actually have a conversation.
2
Smile and introduce yourself. It is remarkably simple and yet remarkably effective.^{[4]
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Research source} While you'll need to have some conversation topics on hand, breaking the ice doesn't require a perfect pick-up line. More often than not, they've heard it before and it won't be funny or charming.
- If she smiles back and introduces herself, offer to buy her a drink. Make sure, however, that she doesn't have a full drink right in front of her.
3
Keep the conversation light. You aren't trying to determine if someone is your soulmate, you're just trying to break the ice. Mention something about the club, her drink, or the music. Humor is one of the best ice-breakers on the planet, so throwing in a joke here and there shows that you are spontaneous, fun, and laid-back.^{[5]
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Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Avoid talking about marriage, exes, or long-term commitments. Remember that flirting is supposed to be light and fun, not serious.
4
Give genuine compliments. Saying "you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen" is bland and unspecific and she will, more likely than not, not believe you. But if she has beautiful eyes, a great fashion sense or killer hair, tell her. You don't want to rain compliments down on her, but a genuine compliment can go a long way.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- If she complements you back, don't deflect or ignore it. Thank her politely and accept the compliment.
5
Be direct and ask for a dance. Sometimes a simple, confident approach is all you need to get the girl on your arm. Once you've smiled, made eye contact, and said a few words, nod towards the floor and ask her to dance. While this may seem like the equivalent of asking for a kidney donation in the moment, just go for it. A little confidence and directness will go a long way. You could say:
- "Let's dance."
- "Can I borrow you for a song?"
- ”I love this song. Want to join?”
People will reject you for a variety or reasons, 99% of which aren't personal. They may have a partner, want to hang out with friends, feel tired, etc. Don't take it personally. It happens to everyone and your life will be no worse off because a stranger at the club wasn't interested in dancing with you.^{[8]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting Her Number

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1
Read her cues. There is a variety of signs that someone may be interested, and they change from person to person. That said, there a few universal signs that she may want to take things to another level. If, however, she breaks eye-contact frequently, refuses to face you, or shrugs off the conversation, just move on -- she probably isn't interested. Here are some signs that she might enjoy your company:
- She is laughing, smiling, and has an air of comfort around you.
- She is breaking the touch barrier, often by touching your upper arm.
- She is teasing, joking, or lightly making fun of you.
2
Break the touch barrier once you've developed some chemistry. She's laughing, making eye contact, and smiling, and the best way to see if she's ready for a dance is to lightly make contact. When you get up, gently place your hand on the top of her arm or the small of her back, or touch her hand at the bar when she makes a joke or good point.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Don't linger or grab her; a brief touch on a non-threatening area, like the arm or hand, is enough.
3
Offer your number first. After you've danced, chatted, and had a good time, hand her your number and let her know you had a good time. More often than not she'll respond by giving you her number as well, but even if she doesn't, you've put the ball in her court.^{[11]
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- For example, you could say: "I've had a good time, and I'd love to see you again. Give me a call sometime."
- You could also try something like: "Let's grab another drink/coffee together soon."
4
Ask to keep the night going if you feel a connection. If you've really clicked and can feel serious sparks between the two of you, let her know. Tell her you've had fun and ask if she wants to grab drinks, needs a ride/walk home, or wants to grab a late-night snack. If she asks you "what are you doing after this," it is likely not for casual conversation: she wants to see you later that night. Let her know that you'd love to grab another drink or have her over to your place.
- For instance, you could say: "Let's grab a drink somewhere quieter."
- You could also try something like: "I'm getting out of here -- you have any plans?"
- It's a good idea to head somewhere more quiet like someone's home or at least a more relaxed restaurant or eatery.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1594 wikiHow readers, and only 9% chose a public place like a bar or club as their preferred location for a one-night stand. [Take Poll]

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Tips

Don't feel like you have to spend the whole evening talking to one woman. She's there to be with other people too. Spend time with your friends as well and ask her to dance.

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If you find yourself sitting on the sidelines, get up and get moving. Walk slowly, purposely, and find someone to talk to.

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If someone indicates that he or she would like to talk to you, for example, by making eye contact, take the time to talk to them.

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Warnings

Rejection happens to everyone! It's okay that not every woman you meet wants to hook up with you.

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If you are asked to leave, give space, or are outright rejected, respect her wishes.

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Keep in mind that most women at clubs are not there to meet new people but to have fun with people they already know.

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