Expert Q&A for How to Deal With Being a Third Wheel

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  • Question
    What is a third wheel in a friendship?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    It is someone who hangs around a couple or dyad regularly or is asked to hang around them. They can often feel out of place. Sometimes, they invite themselves, and the couple or dyad feels intruded upon.
  • Question
    How do I stop being the third wheel?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    If you don't want to, just find other things to do or ask to bring along a friend of yours. You can also break up the evening early.
  • Question
    What does being a third wheel mean?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    It usually means that someone in the threesome is not happy about there being a threesome on a frequent basis. For example, your girlfriend's best friend who is going through a break-up may suddenly be on many of your dates.
  • Question
    What does 4th wheel mean?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    A 4th wheel might be a tag-along person when 3 particular people tend to get together on a regular basis.
  • Question
    My friends are leaving me out of conversations, group activities, and so much more. They say I hang out with other people too much, but I don't think I do. Can you help me?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    A healthy person will be able to have a number of friends. Just pay attention if you are dropping commitments at the last minute--this is not fair to all involved. Try to talk it out with them and wee if there is a solution. Otherwise, walk away and be where you are welcome!
  • Question
    What if one of the girls in your group makes everyone want to be her friend and so the other tow girls have a battle to be the bestest friend hers to make each other feel bad?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Try not to get caught into this game! It does not sound like she knows how to be genuine friends. Don't engage in that kind of arranged competition. Talk with and hang out with who you like!
  • Question
    When me and my friend are having a conversation, a person suddenly comes over and only talks to them. What should I do in this situation? Should I leave?
    wikiHow
    wikiHow
    The most trusted how-to site on the internet.
    Our goal at wikiHow is to deliver trustworthy articles that engage our readers and meet their informational and emotional needs. For 15 years, we've committed to our step-by-step teaching model, and we continue to refine our content to create the best how-to experience on the Internet. We’ve helped millions of people solve problems, learn new skills, and feel supported in the ordinary and complex moments of life.
    wikiHow
    The most trusted how-to site on the internet.
    Expert Answer
    It's definitely pretty frustrating when someone only addresses your friend and seems to ignore you! However, this individual might be shy or they may not know how to break the ice with you. In order to give them a chance to build a connection with you, speak to this new person. Start by introducing yourself, then ask how they know your friend. Try to find common ground and bring up topics to talk about. Eventually, this person might warm up and feel like it's only natural to strike up a conversation with you.
  • Question
    What if your friend is a 3rd wheel? What do I do? I am making her feel lonely, upset and a bit mad! I really need advice.
    wikiHow
    wikiHow
    The most trusted how-to site on the internet.
    Our goal at wikiHow is to deliver trustworthy articles that engage our readers and meet their informational and emotional needs. For 15 years, we've committed to our step-by-step teaching model, and we continue to refine our content to create the best how-to experience on the Internet. We’ve helped millions of people solve problems, learn new skills, and feel supported in the ordinary and complex moments of life.
    wikiHow
    The most trusted how-to site on the internet.
    Expert Answer
    First of all, it's very considerate to be concerned about your friend. Props to you for showing compassion about their situation! In order to make them feel more welcome and included, try to arrange more 1-1 hangouts. Then, take initiative and talk about this friend when your other buddies are around. When you set an example for how to treat your friend, everyone else might follow your lead!
  • Question
    What should I do when my boyfriend's adult daughter only talks to him? Sometimes, she'll stand between us and ignore that I'm there.
    wikiHow
    wikiHow
    The most trusted how-to site on the internet.
    Our goal at wikiHow is to deliver trustworthy articles that engage our readers and meet their informational and emotional needs. For 15 years, we've committed to our step-by-step teaching model, and we continue to refine our content to create the best how-to experience on the Internet. We’ve helped millions of people solve problems, learn new skills, and feel supported in the ordinary and complex moments of life.
    wikiHow
    The most trusted how-to site on the internet.
    Expert Answer
    Family dynamics can definitely be tricky. First of all, we at wikiHow want to commend you for your patience and empathy. It's great that you want to know how to navigate this situation respectfully! In order to encourage his daughter to interact with you more, express interest in her as a person. Ask her how she's doing and what she's been up to. If you try to build rapport with her and show that you find her interesting, she may open up. In time, she might even seek you out when she wants to talk or get some advice.
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