How to Have Phone Sex with Your Girlfriend

Co-authored by Nicole Moore and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: April 8, 2024 Fact Checked

Do you want to excite your girlfriend with something wild and creative? Phone sex can be a fun option if you want to connect and turn up the heat. You can learn so much about each other, fool around, and explore tons of fantasies. In this article, we’ll share plenty of tips on how to bring up the idea to your girlfriend, set the mood, and get the conversation going. Read on to get started!

1

Ask her if she's interested in phone sex.

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Get her consent and make sure you're on the same page. Just say that you want to spice up your relationship, then see if she’s cool with that. Listen to her tone of voice or see how her mood comes across in her texts. If she’s enthusiastic about the idea, encourage her to share more of her thoughts and how she'd have fun. You can start off with something like:^{[1]
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- “I’ve only seen phone sex in the movies, but maybe we should try it out? What do you think?”
- “I miss you when you aren’t around. I thought about a really fun way to fix that. What do you think about…”
- If she isn’t into phone sex, then respect that. You can find other ways to connect with her.

2

Discuss her boundaries and preferences.

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Create a safe space for her before and during the chat. Ask her to communicate about what she wants. There might be some fantasies she’d like to explore, while there could be some words or scenarios she wants to avoid.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Reassure her that you’re devoted to her comfort level. For instance, you can tell her:^{[3]
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- “What words really turn you on? Which ones go on our ‘off-limits’ list?”
- Check in about her best case scenario. For example, you can ask, “Do you want to talk, sext, or get on video?”
- Both of you should share what you’re okay with. Each of your needs are valid.

3

Decide together when you'll chat.

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It's best to plan ahead so the phone call goes smoothly. Even if she’s open and excited about phone sex, don't spring it on her. She might be busy when you call or want more privacy. Ask about her schedule and plan to chat when she’s free. Then, send her a flirty message the day you’ll call her. You can work her up a little and even have her think about your open-ended text for a couple hours. Say something like:^{[4]
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- “I can’t wait to hear your voice tonight. 😈 I bet I’ll hear some things you’ve never said before.”
- “When are you off? I have plans for you, but I can’t say them while you’re at work.”
- “Are you going to have any privacy soon? You’ll need it…”

4

Brush up on your dirty talk skills.

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Prepare a few things to talk about so you can impress her. Make a list of the phrases that turn her on, and write down any scenarios she finds really hot. Once you have a good starting point, look for more resources and take a few notes. That way, you'll feel ready and confident.^{[5]
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- Check out erotica or other forms of adult entertainment for inspiration.
- Try to write your own little story with her in mind. You can share it over the phone.
- List what you’ve learned about your girlfriend so far. For example, make a note like, “She’s super into breaking rules.”

5

Practice your “phone voice.”

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Decide how you want to sound when you call her. Maybe she wants you to be daring, so you’ll use a low and seductive voice. If she prefers you to be more romantic, then you can use a gentle tone. Get in character and say some of the phrases you know she’ll love when no one’s around. You’ll be able to perfect the vibe she craves.^{[6]
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- If you’re feeling really bold, send her a voice memo. You can always re-record until it sounds just right.
- You’ll get a lot of your nerves out the more you practice.

6

Set the scene.

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Create a romantic atmosphere to get you in the right mood. Clean up your room and grab everything you need for a sexy moment with her. Make sure you have any essentials nearby, like tissue or any toys. Right before you call her up, get in a comfortable position. Whether she sees you or not, she’ll probably pick up on your cool confidence.^{[7]
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- Put away any distractions and make sure your phone’s on silent. Give her your full attention.
- If she’ll see you on video, put as much effort in your room as you do when she comes over.
- You can look at any pics she’s sent or fantasize about her to get ready for your call.

7

Start the chat off slow.

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Ease her into the chat with some frisky comments or questions. Tell her what you’ve thought about all day. Then, ask her what’s been on her mind.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Once you’ve both swapped some suggestive ideas, take the lead and turn up the heat. Use one of the phrases in your script to wind her up and kick off an even steamier scenario.^{[9]
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- First, you can ask something like, “Have you been thinking about the text I sent?”
- Then, seduce her with some of her favorite words. For example, use a naughty "nickname."
- If she gives you a bunch of thrilled responses, you can get even more risque.

8

Feel free to laugh.

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Play around with humor to keep it low-pressure. Some awkward moments might pop up. Maybe you’ll laugh about a couple lines or she’ll giggle because it’s all so new for her. Having fun together is a great way to bond, and you’ll create a silly, flirty vibe.^{[10]
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- You might feel inspired and take more creative risks. You can always just laugh them off.
- You can also tease each other. The cute back-and-forth might excite you.
- Humor will also relax you both and prevent any self-consciousness.

9

Share your fantasies.

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Open up about other ideas you want to explore. After you’ve both warmed up to the chat and feel really adventurous, go in any direction you want.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Maybe you started off tame, but now you both want to get a little more taboo. Make sure you’re both on board with a new experiment, then go into all the juicy details.^{[12]
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- Start off with a light suggestion. For example, you can say, “This is so hot! What if we…”
- Ask for her opinion. For instance, you can say, “Is this a little too tame? I can…”
- Check if there’s anything you haven’t covered. You can say something like, “Where should we take this now?”

10

Tell her when you’re touching yourself.

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Help her to feel relaxed enough to do the same. Let her know the effect she has on you and that you’re really turned on. Say that she excited you so much that you needed to take the edge off. Then, share what you pictured or what she said that carried you away. When you lose even more inhibitions, she might follow your lead.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source

PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

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- You can tell her something like, “When you said… I just lost my mind.”
- Try out a video chat. If you show each other how you touch yourselves, you’ll understand each other’s bodies more.
- If you both feel comfortable touching yourselves, you’ll find a new way to have fun even if you’re far apart.

11

Keep the chat going until she’s satisfied.

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Say you’ll stay on the phone as long as she wants you to. Let her tell you what a satisfying end to your chat would look like. Maybe she’d like to try out another fantasy or she’ll plan to finish the chat in some other way. You’ll show her how much you care about her pleasure.^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source

PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

Go to source}
- You can ask something like, “What would be a fun way to end tonight?”
- You can also check in with something like, “Did I give you everything you need? I can keep going.”
- You can also ask if she just wants more time on the phone. For example, you can say, “I’ll still stay on if you just want to chat.”

12

Give her a romantic sign-off.

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End the chat on a sweet and tender note. Whether ou’ve been edgier on the phone or kept everything loving the entire time, a doting goodbye will wrap up the call perfectly. Tell her how much you value her, then praise her for all her creativity. You can finish with something like:
- “I adore you. I’ve never had that much fun before.”
- ”I’ve never seen that side of you before! I can’t believe those words came out of your mouth!”
- “That was wild, babe! I totally lost myself.”

13

Send her a sweet message later.

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Follow up and let her know you cherish her. Focus on your relationship with her and how lucky you feel that she’s willing to try new things with you. You can boost her confidence and compliment her with something like:^{[15]
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- “I love that you always experiment with me. ❤️ You’re such a perfect partner.”
- “Thank you for last night. You’re so magical. ✨”
- “Replaying our last call in my head. 📽️ I adore you.”

Join the Discussion...

Basic pointers how to dirty talk?

WikiLemmingFlyer757

I (m33) have been with my gf (f34) for 2 years now. We both want to spice things up in the bedroom a little more with some dirty talk, but neithe... Read More

WikiAntelopeKeeper764

You'll get better and more comfortable as you go, I promise. :) A good "beginner-friendly" technique is asking her what she wants you to do to he... Read More

WikiGladeJumper104

Communication is key here! Different people like different things. Talk to your partner about if there are certain names or dynamics that especia... Read More

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