How to Spoon Someone

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

Last Updated: November 29, 2024 Fact Checked

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Spoons fit together perfectly. This cuddling position maximizes intimacy and comfort, allowing you and your partner to snuggle into each other like spoons in the drawer. If you want to feel close to your partner, there's no more perfect way than spooning.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Mastering the Spooning Techniques

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1
Establish your spoon size. In most spooning positions, you will need to designate a "little" and a "big" spoon:^{[1]
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- The little spoon: This is typically the smaller partner. This position usually will fall to the more feminine partner.
- The Big Spoon: This will often be the dominant partner. This is typically the taller or more masculine partner.
- A quick test to figure out which spoon is the big spoon: whoever hugs the other partner while cuddling should be the big spoon. These roles aren't always black and white, quite often big spoons will enjoy occasionally being the little spoon.^{[2]
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Do the Classic Spoon. In this position, The big spoon lies on their side, and the little spoon puts their back to the stomach of the big spoon while also lying on their side. While there are variations of what the bottom arm of the big spoon does in this position, it's well accepted within the spooning community that the big spoon's top arm should be wrapped around the waist of the little spoon.^{[3]
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- See "Avoiding Awkwardness" below for information on what the big spoon can do with their bottom arm.
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In this technique, the big spoon lies on their side, and the little spoon puts their back to the stomach of the big spoon while also lying on their side. The little spoon should then curl into a fetal position. The big spoon should then use their bottom arm to stretch behind them, creating a cross, with the top arm lying across the little spoon.^{[4]
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In this position, the big spoon lies on their side, and the little spoon should then curl into a fetal position facing the stomach of the big spoon. The big spoon should then hug the little or Baby Spoon with both arms.
For this move, the big spoon should lie on their back. The little spoon should then lie on top of the big spoon's stomach, face down. For more intimacy, try hugging each other.
To take the same idea behind the "Classic Spoon," try interlocking both spoons' legs so that bottom leg of the big spoon rests on the mattress, then the little spoon's bottom leg, then the big spoon's top leg, then the little spoon's top leg.
To do this maneuver properly, both the little and the big spoon should press their backs to each other's. This will allow for more personal space (and fresh air) while still providing the "warmth" of your partner.^{[5]
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Who says the taller partner has to be the big spoon all the time? Have fun switching it up and changing who is in the position of the big or the little spoon. Even if the little spoon is a foot taller than the big spoon, this will be a fun and cute cuddling experience. If you and your partner are really comfortable with one another, then traditional roles or height and spoon roles won't matter!^{[6]
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Part 2

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Avoiding Awkwardness

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Create the right arm placement. This is a crucial part to creating a lasting spooning position. This responsibility usually falls on the big spoon because it is likely their arm that will suffer the consequences. Bad arm placement can result in your arm falling asleep or an inability to leave the spooning position. Here are some arm positions you should avoid at all costs:^{[7]
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- The T-Rex Arm happens when two people are spooning on their sides and the big spoon's bottom arm is caught behind the back of the little spoon creating a T-Rex arm (bent at the elbow) that has no room to expand.
- Army Arm happens when two people are spooning on their sides and the big spoon's bottom arm is forced to be straight at their side. This is often uncomfortable and creates a barrier between the big spoon's front and the little spoon's back, therefore decreasing intimacy.
- Superhero Arm happens when two people are spooning on their sides and the big spoon's bottom arm is forced to extend straight-up as if they were about to fly. While this allows the big spoon to put their arm under the neck of the little spoon, increasing intimacy, this can quickly lead to a dead arm and leaves little room for the big spoon to escape.
- Hugging Arm happens when two people are spooning on their sides and the big spoon's bottom arm is wrapped around the waist of the little spoon. This can lead to the worst possible scenario: Big Spoon's arm falls asleep and Little Spoon's too comfortable to wake up and free the big spoon's arm. Amputation is then the only way to break free without waking your partner. If you do try to escape, try explaining why you woke your partner without sounding selfish (Hint: it's not going to happen).
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Leave the cuddling position if necessary. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen (without offending your partner). Leaving the cuddling position breaks or "ends" the intimacy of the moment. Pulling out of the position, therefore, must be done in a diplomatic way. We all need some personal space sometimes, and it's perfectly natural to feel this way. Here are some ways to stop cuddling as gracefully as possible:^{[8]
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- Fake it so you don't hurt your partner's feelings. Use a fake yawn or a casual sleep "grunt" to establish that you are "doing this in your sleep". This will establish that you are doing this while sleeping and not because they are a bad spoon. This will spare their feelings and prevent any confrontation. Once you create your escape noise, be sure to continue using it before and after you escape and then periodically. It's called establishing your baseline and this is going to make this a whole lot more convincing.
- Do a limb block. The goal is to be able to roll out of the position. This means you will need a clear escape route that involves as little effort as possible––'you are doing this in your sleep. First remove any arms or legs by either:
  - Slowly move the limb yourself without waking them. To move a limb without your partner noticing, it's going to be a single, slow, and methodical motion. This is going to need to be done with your eyes closed. If the other person catches you, play "asleep."
  - Creating an uncomfortable situation for your partner that makes them move that limb. If you are experiencing issues with being able to move an arm or limb, or heaven forbid are the bottom spoon in a position, it's going to be best that you make your partner as uncomfortable as possible. Then when they move, you are guilt-free.
- Swiftly roll out. Roll over to an open space in the bed by tucking all of your limbs as close to your body as possible and then "rolling" in one motion to the free space. This is a commitment. Once you start to roll, you cannot abort the mission. This is a red-flag that you are awake. This will make it extremely obvious that steps one and two were purposeful and that you were trying break the "intimacy" that the spooning set out to establish.

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Question

What if I get an erection when my girlfriend and I do it?

Community Answer

Getting an erection is completely natural and you shouldn't be ashamed. Your partner may be pressing her lower region towards yours to tease you or show you that she is having the same feelings as you. If she is uncomfortable with your erection, that's okay, too, and you should just move away.

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What if my partner is a not a spooner?

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Don't make them do it if they won't. They might not like it. Ask them about it. If they might not want to do it or they need personal space, make one on your own

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What should I do with my other arm?

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It's up to you. I usually put my other arm under my partner so I can hug with both arms.

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Tips

Make sure you smell good. You don't want your partner to think you're not clean.

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The Big spoon can put their arm in the space under the little spoon's neck. Use a pillow to make it more comfy.

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Try to rub circles or massage the part of your partner that you are touching.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Place your bottom arm wherever is most comfortable for both of you - under their neck, wrapped around their waist, or bent underneath you. The key is finding a position that's not cramped.
Before spooning, have an open conversation about physical boundaries to avoid making your partner uncomfortable by touching them inappropriately. Go at a pace you're both comfortable with.
Spooning skin-to-skin under a blanket builds more intimacy through closeness and shared warmth. But fully clothed spooning can also be very cozy. Do what you both enjoy most!
Switch roles sometimes so you both get turns being the big and little spoons. It keeps things fun and shows you appreciate each other equally.
As the big spoon, gently move or ask your partner to move any hair that may be blocking your face during cuddling. Never pull their hair.

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