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When you’re in a relationship, especially in the early days, lust can consume your thoughts. If you’re finding yourself constantly distracted by sexual fantasies with your girlfriend, you might be wondering how you can get your emotions back on stable ground. Some lust is healthy, but if you’re looking to limit some of the downsides of infatuation and keep you from getting too caught up in unwanted sexual thoughts, we’ve got you covered. Here's a guide on how to stop lusting after your girlfriend.

1

Accept that some feelings of lust are normal.

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  1. Lust, also known as limerance, is an overwhelming feeling of sexual desire for someone else. Being close to someone you’re attracted to (or even thinking about them!) creates a flood of feel-good chemicals in your brain, like dopamine and norepinephrine. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you if you’re feeling lust—this is just how your brain has evolved to function.
    • If you’re feeling guilty over your feelings of lust, it’s important to make peace with these feelings. Remember that lust doesn’t have to control your behavior, but it is totally normal to experience.
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2

Center your relationship on non-sexual activities.

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  1. Find what hobbies you have in common and explore them together: visiting museums, taking long walks, or cooking meals together are great ways to grow closer. By spending time with your girlfriend out of the bedroom, you’ll build a sturdier foundation for your relationship than just sex—look for balance in your relationship.[1]
    • If you’re at home with your girlfriend and finding yourself way too distracted by thoughts of sex, ask her to take a walk with you. Say something like, “Hey, it’s a nice day out—want to head to the park?”
3

Learn to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

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  1. Lust can lead us into thinking about intricate and drawn-out sexual fantasies that are totally divorced from our real lives. Instead of fantasizing about your girlfriend, think about the real moments you’ve shared with her. By grounding your thoughts about your girlfriend in reality and not fantasy, you can keep your expectations and relationship healthy.[2]
    • Don’t beat yourself up if you occasionally get carried away by your sexual fantasies. There’s really nothing wrong with this. But if you find it impacting your behavior and the way you treat your girlfriend, it may be a problem that you want to address.
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4

Talk about your feelings with your girlfriend.

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  1. It can feel a little awkward to bring up this conversation with your girlfriend, but letting her know that you’ve found yourself distracted by thoughts of sex can help you work through these issues together. Try having a conversation with her to sort out your feelings.[3]
    • For example, you might say something like, “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something that has been bothering me. I really feel so attracted to you, and it’s started to become distracting for me. I’m wondering if we can work out a way to guide our relationship in the direction of love, not lust.”
    • Everyone is different, and your girlfriend might react to this news by feeling flattered or by feeling a bit worried, especially if she doesn’t feel the same about this issue. But remember: part of being in a relationship is learning how to talk through tricky issues.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1198 wikiHow readers, and 54% agreed that the best way to handle conflicts in your relationship is to work through conflicts until you find a resolution together. [Take Poll]
7

Take some space from each other.

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  1. If you’re in constant contact with your girlfriend, it’s okay to reduce the frequency of your interactions to help you each develop your own, independent lives.[7] By doing this, you can find sources of joy and meaning in your life that aren’t about your girlfriend.[8]
    • Bringing this up with your girlfriend can make for a really tough conversation. Remind her of your feelings for her and say something like, “I really care about you a lot, and I want this relationship to work. But I find myself having a hard time thinking about anything other than you. Do you think we could check in with each other a couple times a day instead of all day long?”
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8

Spend time with your friends and family.

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10

Tap into your religion.

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  1. Luckily, being someone with faith gives you plenty of tools to ward off these feelings. Praying, spending time with fellow members of your faith, or even reaching out to a religious mentor to talk about what you’re dealing with can give you the strength to manage your lust.[12]
    • If you’re Christian, remember this verse from Corinthians: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” (Corinthians 10:13)
    • For Muslims, the Quran also provides guidance against temptation: “But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure desires and evil lusts, verily, Paradise will be his abode.” (An-Nazi’at 79:40-41)
11

Wait for infatuation to turn into a deeper love.

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About This Article

John Keegan
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Nihal Shetty. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 55,893 times.
12 votes - 75%
Co-authors: 5
Updated: December 13, 2024
Views: 55,893
Categories: Relationship Issues
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 55,893 times.

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