How to Talk Dirty on the Phone

Co-authored by Jacqueline Hellyer

Last Updated: September 10, 2024 References

Talking dirty on the phone is a fantastic way to have some kinky fun with your significant other on the phone or even to move into all-out phone sex with your lover. You may feel a bit silly or intimidated at the thought of talking dirty on the phone, but once you adjust your mindset and let loose, you'll be on your way to making your phone partner helpless with pleasure. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Get Ready to Talk Dirty

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If you want to have a flawless dirty talk phone date, then you have to make sure that both you and your partner are alone and ready to start having a sexy conversation. Your dirty talk won't go very far if you're ready in bed while your partner is having dinner with his mom. Plan your dirty talk date in advance so both of you are free and alone at home or in your rooms.^{[1]
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Take a nice warm bath and put on some sexy lingerie and a hot outfit. Even if your partner won't be able to see what you're wearing, you'll be more easily turned on if you look ready for some action. You can even rub some scented oil or lotion on the nape of your neck to get you in the mood.

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Would you have sex with your dirty laundry all over your room and empty takeout containers all over your desk? Hopefully not. You shouldn't talk dirty until you're in a romantic atmosphere either. Just clean up your space, dim the lights and light some candles, and lie in your clean, welcoming bed. Do whatever you would do to prepare to get it on for real.^{[2]
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Before you pick up the phone or start getting turned on, don't stare at yourself in the mirror or analyze every last thing you'll say to your lover. Even if you're a dirty talk virgin, the process will feel more natural if you just sit back, relax, and get ready for what's to come.
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Start getting turned on. This doesn't mean you should touch yourself -- unless you want to -- but it does mean that you should start getting in a sexy mental space. Close your eyes and think of your most illicit sexual fantasy, or remember the last time it got really hot and heavy between you and your lover.
- If it helps, you can lightly caress your body to get in the mood. But you should save most of that for your phone conversation.

Part 2

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Start Talking Dirty

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It should still sound like you -- but like a sexier, slower-talking version of you.^{[3]
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Research source} Don't use the same voice you would use to ask your honey how their day went. Instead, talk a bit lower and more slowly -- you can even lower your voice to a near-whisper if you want to. Just make sure it still sounds like you to an extent.
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Give your lover a few compliments. You don't have to say anything X-rated right away. Just start with a few basic compliments. Communicate with your special someone on how much you've missed them, and how amazing their body is.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist

Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} You can even remind them of the last time you had sex and how hot it was. Just start saying nice things to your lover to get into the mood.^{[5]
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Research source} Here are some things you can say:
- "I've been thinking about your toned arms all day."
- "I miss you and your body so much."
- "I love hearing your voice."
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Talk about what you're wearing. Tell your lover what you're wearing and describe it in great detail. Talk about how your body looks in your clothes, and mention any parts that are exposed. Ask your lover what they are wearing and close your eyes and imagine them in those clothes. Here are some ways to describe what you're wearing:
- "I'm wearing your favorite bra."
- "I'm not wearing any underwear."
- "My dress is really tight around my chest."
- "My shirt is tight around my biceps."
- "I'm wearing that belt you love to take off."
- "I'm wearing a button-down shirt. It comes off pretty easily."
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Talk about what you would do if your lover was there.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist

Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Start slow. Just say a few things that you wish would happen if your lover was there. You can get as graphic as you want, but you can start with the basics as you build toward your more elaborate fantasies. Here are some things you can say:
- "I wish your arms were around me right now."
- "I wish I could kiss your neck right now."
- "If you were here, I'd start nibbling on your ear. You wouldn't be able to stop me."

Part 3

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Get Hot and Heavy

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1
Touch yourself -- and describe how it feels. You can do this at any point while you're talking dirty. But the earlier you do it, the more turned on you'll be. Start gently stroking your own body and let your lover know what you're doing. Then, ask them to touch their own body and be detailed about what you want them to do. Just like real foreplay, you don't have to touch yourselves anywhere too untoward -- just start with a light touch that turns you on.
- As you keep talking, you can start touching yourself in your erogenous zones.
- Let your lover know exactly what you're doing to your body. If you're caressing your breasts or stomach, tell them.
- Describe all of the sensations you feel to your lover. If you start to feel a sexy shiver after lightly caressing your neck, describe it.
Start talking about all of the things you wish your lover would do to your body until you're both bursting with excitement. Take turns telling each other what you wish you could do to each other. This can get more graphic than just saying what you want to do to your lover.^{[7]
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Let your lover know exactly what you would do to their body if you were there. Now that you're starting to get excited and to touch your own body, you can kick it up a notch and say whatever you want to do to their body, no matter how dirty it is.
Don't be shy -- tell your lover how turned on you are just from talking to them and thinking about him next to you. Let them know that you're excited and that you feel it all over your body. If you're so turned on that you feel it in your toes, tell your lover.
Once you're really excited, share your fantasy with your lover, no matter how dirty it may be. He'll play along and talk about it with you, helping you get more turned on as you picture yourselves enacting the fantasy together. Don't be afraid to put it all out on the phone line -- just close your eyes and start talking.
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Take off your clothes -- and talk about it. Don't just start stripping -- let your lover in on the peep show, button by button. If you're taking off your shirt, let them know that it's sliding over your head. If you're taking off your belt, let your lady know that you're dropping your belt to the floor. Paint a picture of your body that will turn on your lover even more.
- You can also ask your lover to take off their clothes. Ordering them around will be extra hot. You can just say, "Now take off your shirt" or, "I want you to pull down your skirt."
- When you start taking off your clothes, you can ask your lover for validation. As you're taking off your shirt, you can ask, "Are you sure you want me to take off my shirt?" This will help paint a visual image for your lover.
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Masturbate. If you just want to talk dirty just for fun or practice, then you can get off the phone and get off on your own. But if you really want to commit to talking dirty, then you and your lover should touch yourselves until you orgasm.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist

Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} If you want to keep things hot and heavy, you can announce your orgasm, and tell your lover that you're about to come. This will build anticipation and will turn both of you on even more. Once you've both orgasmed, you can say goodbye and look forward to your next dirty talk date.
- Don't be shy -- tell your partner when you're touching yourself, and let them know how it's making you feel. Be as graphic as you want.
- As in real sex, it's pretty difficult to climax at the same time as your partner. If you climax first, just keep talking dirty to turn on your partner. Don't stop and ruin the mood. Keep talking dirty until both people are satisfied.
Don't start transitioning into talking about how your days went; don't start telling goofy jokes, either. Just as you would cuddle after real sex, say some sweet, soft words to your lover and let him know how amazing they make you feel. Get off the phone after a little while -- if you want to have a normal conversation with your lover, do it a bit later, so you can enjoy the sexy feeling after your dirty talk date.

Join the Discussion...

Basic pointers how to dirty talk?

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WikiLemmingFlyer757

I (m33) have been with my gf (f34) for 2 years now. We both want to spice things up in the bedroom a little more with some dirty talk, but neithe... Read More

WikiAntelopeKeeper764

You'll get better and more comfortable as you go, I promise. :) A good "beginner-friendly" technique is asking her what she wants you to do to he... Read More

WikiGladeJumper104

Communication is key here! Different people like different things. Talk to your partner about if there are certain names or dynamics that especia... Read More

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Is dirty talk healthy?

Jacqueline Hellyer
Relationship Coach
Jacqueline Hellyer is a Licensed Psychosexual Therapist and the Founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in sex advice, sex tips, and relationship advice. In addition to being an accredited Psychosexual Therapist with the Society of Australian Sexologists (SAS), Jacqueline is also a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF). Jacqueline holds a BSc in Biochemistry and Human Sciences from The Australian National University, a Graduate Diploma in Applied Science from the University of Canberra, a BA in Languages and Literature from the University of New England (AU), an MSc in Sexual Health from The University of Sydney, and an MSc in Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal Psychology from The Alef Trust. Her work and expertise have been featured in Australian Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire, and 60 Minutes.

Jacqueline Hellyer

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Absolutely! In fact, it shouldn't be called "dirty" talk at all—talking sexually is a normal, healthy, and positive thing to do.

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I always start a sex conversation on the phone and my partner says she doesn't like it. Is there a way for me to make her start liking it?

Community Answer

You can't "make" her like anything. If she doesn't enjoy it, don't put her in that kind of a position. Respect her and respect her wishes and her desires.

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What does it mean when my boyfriend says 'send me some hot pics'?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

He wants to see your body, completely naked, in an erotic pose. Think carefully here. Will these pictures be posted on the Internet, on social media? Will he show them to his friends? Never let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. Set boundaries and stick to them. A naked shoulder or leg can also be erotic.

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Tips

If you are going to use a different persona while on the phone, you might want to make a list of characteristics of you persons. For instance, your persona may be dominant and controlling. Try making a list of what you might probably want to say.

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Be calm and distraction-free during dirty phone sex. Avoid other calls and any disturbances from anyone so you can stay in the moment.

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Warnings

If you are not ready or don't want to participate in dirty talking, do not let your partner pressure you into it. You need to be relaxed and comfortable, not pressured and stressed.

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If you're in a place where other people can hear - such as out in public - then they may look at you weird if your talking 'dirty' into your phone. So try to find a place where you can be alone.

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