How to Know if Someone Doesn’t Want to Talk to You

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Look for signs that someone is pulling away (and how to handle it)

Co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW and Sophie Burkholder, BA

Last Updated: May 20, 2024 Fact Checked

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• Signs Someone Doesn’t Want to Talk to You
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• Excusing Yourself
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• Following Up Later
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• Dealing with One-Sided Friendships
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• Sample Conversational Clues
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• Tips

|Show more |Show less

Have you ever been talking to someone or tried to enter a conversation and wondered if the other person didn’t want to speak with you? Or have you felt disconnected from a friend who never picks up the phone when you call? A person may not want to talk to you for many reasons—they may be tired, busy, or you may have accidentally interrupted a private chat. In some cases, it might be difficult to tell if someone doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. But by reading body language, listening to speech patterns, and taking note of their behavior, you can figure out if someone doesn’t want to talk to you.

How to Tell if Someone Doesn’t Want to Talk to You

In a conversation, look for nonverbal cues like breaking eye contact or having their arms crossed. If you think a friend doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, observe how often they communicate with you. If they constantly cancel plans or take forever to respond to your texts, they may be pulling away.

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Section 1 of 4:

Signs Someone Doesn’t Want to Talk to You

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1. 1
   Their body language is closed off or tense. Body language is a great cue about how a person is feeling about you or your conversation. Look at how the person is standing to see if they’re interested in talking to you. Some examples of body language that could indicate the person doesn’t want to talk to you are:

   • A stiff or immobile body.
   • Tense and raised shoulders.
   • Facing their body away from you.
   • Pointing their feet away from you.
   • Standing an unnatural distance from you.
   • Crossing arms over the chest.
   • Touching their neck or collar.
   • Fidgeting or doodling.
   • Yawning.
2. 2
   They don’t make eye contact with you. Watching a person’s eyes during a conversation can let you know if they want to talk to you. The following signs might indicate your conversation partner is finished:

   • Looking at the floor.
   • Picking up their phone.
   • Staring around the room.
   • Watching the clock.
   • Glazed-over expression.
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3. 3
   They give one-word or unenthusiastic responses. Observe someone’s responses, whether during in-person or online communication. If most of their messages are a single word like “yeah,” “sure,” or something similar, they’re showing a lack of enthusiasm when communicating with you. The following types of responses can indicate the person is bored with the conversation or doesn’t want to talk to you:

   • Lazy responses like “Oh really,” “You’re so right,” or “Totally.”
   • Mirroring your language, such as responding to “It’s really cold today” with “Yes, it is cold.”
   • Ignoring questions or statements.
   • Giving one-word or closed statement answers, including a simple “no” or “yes.” Using gestures such as a head nod can also indicate that a person doesn’t want to talk.
4. 4
   They’re letting you do most of the talking. If you suspect a person doesn’t want to talk to you, figure out who is leading the conversation. If they're not contributing to the conversation, your conversation partner may have checked out and is waiting for you to wrap up your chat.

   • Notice if you hear your own voice considerably more than that of your chatting partner, which can be a sign that they are no longer interested in the conversation.
   • Hold back a bit to see if the person begins talking more. This can indicate that they want to talk, but you’re overwhelming them.
   • Check to see if you are integrated into the conversation if there are more than two people in the group. If not, try saying something and see how the other participants respond.
5. 5
   They speak with an irritated or disinterested tone. The tone of voice someone uses when speaking to you can tell you a lot about how they are feeling. Noticing the tenor of the conversation can help you figure out if the person isn’t engaged and cue you to exit elegantly. Ask yourself the following questions about their tone:

   • Do they sound irritated when I say something?
   • Do they seem tired, slow, or bored when responding?
   • Do they sound pleasant or excited about our interaction?
   • Does it seem like they’re questioning everything I say?
6. 6
   They take a long time to respond to your messages. If you’re texting or using social media sites, you cannot see their body language or hear their tone unless you are having a video call. But by reading responses and seeing how long it takes for the person to respond, you can gauge if the person doesn’t want to talk to you.

   • Look for a “read” indication on sites like Facebook, Instagram, or WhatsApp. If there is a long lapse between your text and the response, or if the person doesn’t respond at all, she likely doesn’t want to talk to you. You can never be completely sure what is going on, though. It might be that she is busy or forgot to answer your message.
   • Notice if the person goes offline when you send them a message. It could be that she doesn't want to talk to you, but once again, you can't really know what is going on. She might be busy.
7. 7
   They don’t ask you follow-up questions about yourself. If you’re sharing a story with someone and they only reply with one-word answers, they may be wanting to exit the conversation. Someone who’s interested in talking to you will ask you for more information, rather than giving curt and limited responses.

   • They may also talk over you or abruptly change the subject to something completely unrelated in order to end the exchange
8. 8
   They make excuses to end a conversation early. If someone abruptly ends the conversation, it may indicate that they don’t want to continue the conversation. They might make up an excuse like they have to run, have plans, or have something else to do.

   • However, these may sometimes be valid—they could actually be busy or not feeling well.
   • But if this situation happens multiple times, that’s a stronger indicator that they might not want to talk to you anymore.
   • This idea also applies to social engagements or hangouts with a friend or loved one.
   • If this person is frequently making up excuses to cut short your time together, they may not be that interested in talking to you or spending time with you.
9. 9
   They avoid meeting up and cancel plans often. If you’re constantly trying to make plans with a friend and they always fall through, they may not feel like talking to you. They may be difficult to get a hold of and act like they’re always too busy to hang out or respond to your messages.

   • When you manage to make plans with them, they might cancel those plans more often than not.
10. 10
    They never reach out to you first. If you only talk to someone in your life when you reach out first, they may not actually want to talk to you. If you feel like you’re always the person reaching out, try to avoid messaging or calling them for a few weeks.

    • See if this person ends up reaching out to you and trying to initiate a conversation. If they don’t, they may not want to talk to you anymore.
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Section 2 of 4:

Excusing Yourself from a Tense Conversation

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1. 1
   Try understanding the other person’s situation before getting upset. Sometimes, people just don't feel like talking; they might be busy, or they have had something happen in their personal lives. Avoid immediately jumping to conclusions or becoming angry, especially if this is the first time you’ve felt like this person doesn’t want to talk to you.

   • Politely excuse yourself from the conversation, or kindly let your friend know that they seem distracted and ask if they’re feeling okay.
2. 2
   Offer a believable reason to end the conversation. If you notice your conversation partner isn’t engaging, draw upon an “easy out” to leave the chat while leaving things on a positive note. You could excuse yourself by saying that:

   • You would like to get another refreshment at the bar.
   • You need to take or make an important call.
   • You need to use the restroom.
   • You’re feeling slightly ill and need some fresh air.
   • You have plans with another friend.
   • You’re feeling tired and need to go home and rest.
   • You have an appointment.
3. 3
   Find a natural lull in the chat to make your exit. Wait for something to naturally interrupt your conversation so that you can leave on a positive note. Try one of these natural ways to excuse yourself:

   • Say, “I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you, but I need to get going because I have an early meeting.”
   • Look for something in the room that makes you “realize” something. For example, say, “Wow, I didn’t realize it got so late. I need to get home for my daughter’s bedtime,” after looking towards a clock or at your watch.
   • Find someone else you can pull into the conversation to make your exit seem smoother.
4. 4
   Show consideration for the person’s time. You can easily extract yourself from an unproductive conversation by framing your exit to the other person’s benefit. Use strategic statements such as “Well, I don’t want to monopolize your time” to finish the chat.

   • Or, say something like, “I’m sure you’d like to talk to other people, so I’m going to scamper off.”
   • Remember to keep your tone and body language as genuine as possible.
   • Avoid using this tactic too often because it can make you appear disingenuous.
5. 5
   Ask for a business card or contact information when appropriate. Asking for information about how to contact the person naturally indicates that the conversation is coming to an end. Find a nice way to say that you’ve enjoyed the conversation and would like to follow up for more information.

   • Ask a specific question about the person’s business, course of study, or interests. Use this to lead you to ask, “I’d love to know more about that. Do you have a business card or contact information where I could reach you for more information?”
   • Make sure to look at the information when they give it to you as a sign of respect.
   • Offer to help the person. You can say, “I really enjoyed chatting with you and learning about your work. Please let me know if I can do anything to help you out.”
   • Use this tactic with someone who you don’t already know well.
6. 6
   Bring the conversation full circle. If you notice the person doesn’t want to talk to you any longer, find a way to end the conversation by bringing it back to what you started talking about. Make sure to repeat what you’ve learned and thank them for their time.

   • Keep this transition as natural as possible. Ask about something related to what started the conversation as your way to end it.
7. 7
   Thank the person for their time. Even if you know the person doesn’t want to talk to you and may have been impolite, take the high road and keep things positive. Make sure the person knows you enjoyed the conversation—even if you didn’t—and thank them for their time.

   • Say something like, “I’m sorry, but I have to excuse myself. I really enjoyed our conversation, Chris, and want to thank you for your helpful advice.”
   • Include the person’s name in your final statement to show that you respect and remember them.
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Section 3 of 4:

Following Up on the Conversation

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1. 1
   Wait a few days before reaching out again. If this person seemed disinterested because they were tired or busy, this period may allow them to deal with and recover from any personal matters. If they really were upset with you, giving them some space may help them decide how to deal with their feelings or move on from them altogether.
2. 2
   Send a friendly text or phone call. Get in contact with the person again via text, email, social media, or phone call. Keep the message brief and friendly. Emphasize how much you enjoyed your last interaction.

   • For example, write something like, “I really had a nice time with you during our last chat. I hope things are well with you. Maybe you’d be interested in continuing our conversation over coffee?”
   • Avoid sending anything lengthy or multiple messages. The response you receive to this simple message will tell you a lot about the person’s feelings.
3. 3
   Determine the person’s feelings based on their response. Note how long it takes for them to read and respond to your message. When they do respond, observe whether or not it’s an enthusiastic response or something short and dismissive.

   • For example, a message like “Hello, sorry, I can’t get together” probably means that they don’t want to get together.
   • If the response is friendlier and more enthusiastic, they may have just been having a bad day the last time you met.
   • Take a lack of response as a sign the person doesn’t want to speak to you.
   • Avoid sending further follow-up messages so that you don’t upset the person—which may, in turn, upset you.
4. 4
   Keep your distance if they don’t want to talk to you. If a person’s unenthusiastic responses or lack of contact with you has led you to realize that they don’t want to talk to you, stay away from them. Not only can your continued attempts at connection upset them and you, but it may also have other repercussions, such as giving you a reputation for being clingy or irritating.

   • Avoid sending further messages. Unfriend or unfollow this person on social media. This action can show that you understand the person doesn’t want to speak with you.
   • Allow the person to contact you if you like and decide how you want to respond. You may want to consider giving them another chance. It never hurts to be kind to others, even if they haven’t always been nice to you.
   • If this person was a close friend or loved one, you may want to consider having a conversation with them about your relationship and whether or not you can continue being in each other’s lives.
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Section 4 of 4:

Dealing with a Friend Who Doesn’t Want to Talk to You

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1. 1
   Pay attention to any lack of effort or initiation on their part. If you are always the initiator when making plans or starting a conversation with your friend, you may be in a one-sided friendship. Although it can feel incredibly painful, recognizing these signs is crucial because you can then remove yourself from the situation without further damaging your own well-being and self-esteem.
2. 2
   Avoid blaming yourself (or the other person). Not everyone is meant to be friends or to be friends forever! Your friend may have things going on in their life that are getting in the way of your friendship, or you may have outgrown each other. Accepting the end of a friendship is easier said than done, but try to be grateful for the good times you’ve had together and move on.
3. 3
   Focus your energy on people who care about you. While your relationship with this person may be over, it gives you an opportunity to spend more time appreciating the people in your life. Reach out to other friends and loved ones who are willing to stick by you.

   • You can also use the extra time to work on your relationship with yourself!
   • Find a new hobby, go on a trip you’ve always dreamed about, start volunteering, or try to make some new friends.
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Sample Conversational Clues

Ways to Tell if Someone Doesn't Want to Talk Over Text or Online

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Tips

• It’s important to recognize the signs that someone doesn’t want to talk to you, whether it’s just in this moment or in your general relationship with each other. Seeing the signs now can avoid hurt feelings and awkward conversations in the future, and you’ll feel more comfortable knowing that the people you’re talking to really do want to talk to you.
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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

• If the other person made it clear that they want to talk to you, it might be best to move on. If you keep talking to them, then they might get annoyed and avoid talking to you even more.
• Some people might display these signs if they have social anxiety, so try not to assume that they don't like you.

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