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In theory, we all know what we like in bed, so why is it so hard to answer that question when a guy asks us? It’s OK not to know exactly what to say when you’re talking about sex—it can feel silly, awkward, or vulnerable to open up about your desires whether you’re in a relationship or not. That’s why we’ve put together a handy guide to help you express your wishes. Read on for a thorough list of things you can say and how to say them when a guy asks you, “What do you like in bed?”

This article is based on an interview with our love and relationship coach, Nicole Moore, founder and CEO of Love Works Method. Check out the full interview here.

1

Tell him about a sexy dream you had.

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  1. Say things like, “I had a dream that we…” or “I fantasized once that you…” to express what you like (even if you didn’t really dream about it). It takes the ownership off of you and places it on a fantasy you can explore together.[1] Try:
    • “Well, I had a dream once that you were a firefighter who rescued me.”
    • “Last night I dreamt that we did it in public.”
    • “One of my recurring fantasies involves being handcuffed to the bed.”
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2

Describe how you want to feel.

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3

Talk about anything that brings your body pleasure.

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  1. Tell him about any kind of touch or sensation (sexual or not) that makes you feel good. It could be things like kissing, running his hands through your hair, or the feeling of facial hair on your skin. Anything is fair game![3] For example:
    • “I love having my hair played with.”
    • “Honestly, a good shoulder rub before or during sex really does it for me.”
    • “It gets me going when you run a finger down my spine.”
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4

Describe what you like when you pleasure yourself.

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  1. Explore self-pleasure to feel confident in your body’s nuances and needs, then relay your findings to your partner. Tell him about what you like to do, the kind of environment that turns you on, or anything else that feels good to you.[4] Say things like:
    • “A few romantic candles really gets me in a sexy headspace.”
    • “When I’m alone, I like to start very slow and gradually speed up.”
    • “I need to change positions frequently to stay engaged.”
5

Praise him for what he’s already doing right.

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  1. Compliment him or tell him about what he does that you like, and then add on something new or different you want him to try. This way, he won’t feel criticized or like he’s doing something wrong while you ask for what you want.
    • “I love it when you do long strokes with your tongue, that really feels good and I would love more of that.”
    • “I like it when you run your fingers through my hair. Don’t be afraid to pull it a little bit next time.”
    • “You’re so good at foreplay. Let’s play with that for even longer.”
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6

Focus on your turn ons, not your turn offs.

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  1. Give him direction, ideas, and inspiration by telling him what arouses you and feels pleasurable. Start with small things—where to kiss you, how much pressure to use—and get more specific as you get more comfortable discussing it with him.[5] Try:
    • “Kiss me harder” is more helpful and welcoming than “Don’t be so hesitant.”
    • “I’d love it if you used more tongue” is better than “I hate it when you don’t use tongue.”
    • “It feels great when you take it slow” is more encouraging than “Not so fast, mister!”
    • Only tell him what you don’t like if there’s something he does that’s truly uncomfortable, irritating, or that you don’t consent to.
7

Acknowledge the awkwardness.

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  1. It isn’t always easy to talk about sex, and that’s OK! You’ll make your way through the conversation easier if you “own the awkward.” Tell him that this is a hard conversation for you or that you have hesitations about opening up. When you’re honest, he’ll empathize and understand you more easily.[6] Try phrases like:
    • “I’m a little hesitant to share this with you.”
    • “I feel so awkward talking about sex, but I want to tell you about something.”
    • “This is a little uncomfortable for me, but here goes!”
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9

Make noise to show him what’s working.

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  1. When your guy’s doing something you like, make some noise to let him know to keep it up. The sounds will arouse him even more, leading to a more pleasurable experience for both of you.[8]
    • Sounds like “mmm,” “ooh,” or “aah” are also clear signs that you’re enjoying what he’s doing.
    • Be careful not to sound fake or to overdo it. If making noise isn’t your thing, moan or sigh sparingly until you feel more comfortable and confident with it.
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10

Show him what you like with body language.

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  1. If you’re shy about being direct or not sure how to phrase what you want, move his hands to parts of your body that need attention. Guide his face and mouth around too, or adjust the speed of your hips to show how fast you want him to go.[9]
    • Similarly, if he’s doing something that’s not turning you on or that you dislike, guide his hands or mouth away.
11

Get graphic in a steamy note or text.

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  1. If you’d rather not tell him verbally, describe it in graphic, specific detail in a note or text. Tell him how you want to feel, what you want him to do, or what your dirtiest fantasies are—anything that you’re embarrassed or shy to say out loud.[10]
    • Leave a note somewhere he’s bound to find it as a sexy (yet informative) surprise for him.
    • Send him a text with all the dirty details in the middle of the day. You’ll be on his mind nonstop after he reads it (and he’ll be extra excited to see you later on).
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12

Keep communication about sex open.

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  1. Your guy is doing the best he can to please you, so help him out and be specific about what you want or the changes you’d like him to make. Communicate your needs openly and frequently—it’ll strengthen your relationship and improve your sex life together.[11]
    • Describe what you want in bed whether you’re with a long term partner or a one night stand. It helps him out, plus you get practice advocating for your needs.

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Tips

  • Be direct when you ask for or describe what you like. The less vague you are, the better idea he’ll have of how to please you.[12]
  • Consent matters every step of the way. If he’s doing anything that makes you uncomfortable during sex, tell him to stop and stick firmly to your boundaries.
  • Allow him space to share any desires or changes he’d like to make to your sex life too. Sex is something that the two of you can improve together to benefit your relationship as a whole.
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About This Article

Nicole Moore
Written by:
Love & Relationship Coach
This article was written by Nicole Moore and by wikiHow staff writer, Dan Hickey. Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University. This article has been viewed 250,530 times.
39 votes - 78%
Co-authors: 7
Updated: May 26, 2024
Views: 250,530
Categories: Sexual Activity
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 250,530 times.

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