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Has your relationship taken a turn for the worse? If you have the sinking feeling that your boyfriend hates you, we’re here to help. Read on to learn signs that really hates you, why we might be feeling that way, and what to do about it. Remember, no one deserves to be treated badly, including you! Even if this guy turns out to be Mr. Wrong, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy, fulfilling relationship with someone who actually deserves your time and attention.

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Signs Your Boyfriend Hates You

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  1. If your boyfriend threatens to call it quits constantly, or says he'll break up with you to scare or control you, it's not a good sign. You should feel secure in your relationship, not afraid that he’s going to bail every time there’s an issue.[1]
  2. Your partner should support and uplift you, not put you down. If he has a lot of bad things to say about you and doesn’t mind saying them in front of other people, it shows that he doesn’t respect or care for you.[2]
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  3. Both people in a relationship should take responsibility for their own words and behavior. If your boyfriend always acts like everything is your fault, especially when it’s not, he’s probably just looking for a scapegoat.[3]
  4. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to make plans for weeks or months down the road, he probably doesn’t plan on being around then. Similarly, if he clams up any time you bring up commitments, whether they’re holiday plans or your desire to have kids, it’s a sign that he’s not interested in being together long-term.[4]
  5. If you have a healthy relationship, you're probably friends with your boyfriend. You do things together and demonstrate your love and affection for each other. However, if each of you does your own thing and you rarely hang out and enjoy each other’s company, he probably isn't feeling you as much as he once was.[5]
    • If he forgets your birthday or anniversary, it's a sign he might not be that invested in the relationship.
  6. When was the last time you held hands or cuddled? If it’s been a while since you two were affectionate or intimate, that’s a sign that your relationship is in trouble.[6]
  7. If your boyfriend has emotional or physical affairs with other people, unfortunately, you aren’t the one he wants to be with. [7] You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and the best thing you can do is to dump the jerk!
    • One instance of infidelity doesn’t necessarily mean you have to call it quits. But, it’s going to take some serious work to rebuild trust in him and repair your relationship.
  8. It’s never okay for your boyfriend to put his hands on you! If he is physically aggressive or restrains or hurts you (shoves, hits, slaps, kicks, or chokes you, for example), you need to get out of the relationship now. We know this is a really scary situation, but the best thing you can do is leave.[8]
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Should We Break Up?

You aren’t feeling super happy or comfortable in your relationship—but is it really time to end things, or are you two just going through a rough patch? While the future of your relationship is ultimately in your hands, you’re not alone as you wrestle with this tough question. Take this quiz to get a second opinion on the status of your relationship—and whether it’s worth sticking things out or not.
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Describe your current relationship in a single word:

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Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Hates You

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  1. If your man is under a lot of stress at school or work or is dealing with family issues, he might not be treating you badly on purpose.[10] You still need to talk to him and address what’s going on, but your relationship is probably saveable.
    • Try approaching him when he’s in a decent mood. You might say something like, “I know you’ve been really stressed out about his merger and it’s really important to you. I feel like that stress is interfering with our relationship, though, and I want to talk about how we can make things better.” Hopefully, he’ll realize the error of his ways!
  2. It takes two to tango, and things might not be all your boyfriend’s fault. Take a minute to think about how you’ve been treating him lately.[11] Are you controlling? Do you constantly need attention? If he never has a chance to do things he wants his way, on his own time, he might start to resent you.
  3. Are you super busy with your own stuff and hardly ever around? If you forget plans you made together or don't return his calls or texts, he probably doesn't feel like he's important in your life. If you want things to get better, make him a priority and show how much you really care.[12]
    • You could bring this up by saying something like, “I know I’ve been really busy with work lately and haven’t had a lot of time for you. I’m sorry. What do you think about setting up a weekly date night so we can have some quality time together on a regular basis?”
  4. Do you flirt with other guys or talk about your ex? Do you test him or try to make him jealous? If you haven’t been treating your man well, he might be retaliating. Sit down and hash things out so you can move forward.[13]
    • Open, honest communication is really important in a relationship. Instead of playing games, talk to him and try and get to the root of your relationship issues.
  5. If your man has started distancing himself from you and treating you like dirt, he probably wants out of the relationship but is too scared to say it to your face. You deserve better![14]
  6. In some cases, your boyfriend’s behavior actually has nothing to do with you as a person. It might stem from his past relationships or childhood, but that still isn’t an excuse. If he’s verbally, physically, or sexually abusive to you, it’s never your fault, even if he claims that it is.[15]
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What to Do if Your Boyfriend Hates You

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  1. Sit down and have an honest, mature conversation with your boyfriend. If you can each air your grievances in a respectful way and decide to recommit to the relationship, you can get past this! It’s going to take some work, but if you love each other, you can rebuild a healthy relationship.[16]
    • Use “I” statements to share your feelings and avoid insulting your partner or putting them down.
    • Figure out what you each need to work on so both of you feel valued, supported, and respected.
    • Don’t be afraid to give couples counseling a try! A therapist can give you tools to rebuild your relationship so it’s better than ever.
  2. Unfortunately, your boyfriend might just be a jerk. If you’re putting effort into the relationship and treating him well, and he still acts like he hates you, it’s time to move on.[17] Just sit him down and tell him it’s over!
    • Take some time to process the relationship and breakup. Then, get back out there and find a guy who will treat you right!
  3. Dealing with a boyfriend who hates you or treats you badly can really take a toll on your mental state and your self-esteem.[18] Spend some time reminding yourself why you’re an awesome person who deserves the best![19] Take care of yourself and spend time with people who appreciate you just the way you are.
    • Repeat positive mantras, like “I am worthy of love.” It might sound cheesy, but it actually works!
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About This Article

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Co-authored by:
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Judith Gottesman, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophia Bell. Judith Gottesman is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Soul Mates Unlimited™️ Date Coaching and Matchmaking. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in using psychology, attention to detail, and her intuition to create lasting matches. She is known as The West Coast Jewish Community’s Matchmaker, but her dating advice works for everyone. Her work has been featured in numerous national media outlets, such as The New York Times, NPR, and Fox News. Judith is also an author of two books, Your Soul Mate Awaits! and The Lost Art of Dating. She holds a BA in Psychology from The University of California, Berkeley and an MA in Social Work from Yeshiva University. This article has been viewed 180,502 times.
18 votes - 62%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: October 2, 2023
Views: 180,502
Categories: Handling Rejection
Article SummaryX

If your boyfriend acts hostile, threatens to dump you, or criticizes you in front of others, you might wonder if he hates you—and why. It’s possible that he’s dealing with issues of his own and dealing with them in an unhealthy way. Or, he could be feeling smothered or insecure about the relationship. It’s also possible that he’s abusive, and his hostile behavior is his way of trying to control you and the relationship. Remember, whatever his reasons might be, it’s not your fault if your boyfriend mistreats you. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness and respect.

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