The 3 Types of Men Who Have Affairs

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A comprehensive analysis of men who don’t stay loyal

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Eric McClure

Last Updated: August 4, 2024 Fact Checked

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The 3 Types of Men Who Cheat

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Motivations

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Types of Cheating

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Key Facts

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Ever wonder why some guys seem like they’re born to be loyal and doting husbands while others won’t stop messing around even if it destroys them? Staying faithful isn’t a challenge for a lot of men, but there are a few kinds of men who are more likely to cheat, and we can separate them into 3 general categories based on why they do it. In this article, we’ll break these archetypes down, cover the signs they’re cheating, and explain everything you need to know about infidelity and men.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Michelle Joy. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

The Opportunist will cheat on their partner if the option presents itself and he knows you’ll never find out.
The Player may cheat as often as they can to feed their ego and get the attention they crave.
The Frustrated Guy cheats when there’s something missing in their relationship and they decide to have an affair instead of fixing it.

Section 1 of 4:

The 3 Types of Men Who Cheat

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The Opportunist The opportunistic cheater won’t go out of their way to cheat on their partner, but he won’t get off the train if it leaves the station, so to speak. He’ll cheat if he knows (or thinks he knows) you won’t find out and if someone demonstrates that they’re willing to sleep with him. The Opportunist is motivated by impulse, not revenge or malice, and he may be totally happy and fulfilled in the relationship despite his cheating.^{[1]
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- Why the Opportunist cheats:
  - He finds it thrilling and exciting to cheat.
  - He secretly thinks sex can be meaningless.
  - He doesn’t think he’s harming you if you never know about the cheating.
- Signs the Opportunist is cheating:
  - He goes out more often without you or tries vacationing with friends.
  - He wants more alone time and goes multiple days without seeing you.
  - He treats you like a third wheel when you’re around him and his friends.
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The Self-Obsessed Player Also known as the Womanizer, the Player has poor self-esteem and seeks out affairs as a form of validation. He feels insecure if the world isn’t showering him with affection, and he needs women (or men) to flirt with him or sleep with him to feel good about himself. The Player is usually quite charming and extroverted, and he’ll likely hide his phone from you if he’s cheating.^{[2]
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- Why a Player cheats:
  - He’s selfish, and he cares more about his self-satisfaction than others.
  - He’s too fragile to be secure in a long-term relationship.
  - He enjoys novelty, and sleeping with someone new excites him.
- Signs the Player is cheating:
  - He’s spending more time on his cell and gets secretive with the phone.
  - He seems emotionally distant and unavailable.
  - He’s less interested in sex than he used to be.
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The Frustrated Guy The Frustrated Guy is either too cowardly to end the relationship in an adult way, or he feels so unfulfilled in his relationship that he cheats. This kind of cheater won’t end a sexless marriage or break up with someone who isn’t paying attention to him, he’ll just sleep with someone else. The Frustrated Guy will generally be avoidant and unassertive. He may even believe he’s saving a relationship by cheating.^{[3]
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- Why the Frustrated Guy cheats:
  - He isn’t getting the attention he needs, either physically or emotionally.
  - He’s too scared to break up so he’s giving you a reason to do it for him.
  - He thinks he’s being treated unfairly in the relationship.
- Signs the Frustrated Guy is cheating:
  - The friction and fighting in your relationship suddenly disappears.
  - He seems invested elsewhere and mentions a new friend.
  - He’s emotionally distant and doesn’t feel as present as he used to.

Section 2 of 4:

Motivations for Cheating

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A lot of guys will cheat just because it temporarily makes them feel important or attractive. A secure guy will be less likely to need validation from anyone else outside of your relationship.^{[4]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

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If you cheated on him or he feels like you’ve seriously wronged him, he may step out on your just to get back at you. This is especially common among teenage guys and men who are emotionally underdeveloped.^{[5]
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This is a core motivation for the Opportunist and the Player; being with someone new can be exciting because it’s new. This can be one of the more painful reasons a guy can cheat on you, since it has absolutely nothing to do with you—this guy will cheat regardless of what you do.^{[6]
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PubMed Central
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This is the realm of the Opportunist. If some guys are presented with a chance to cheat and get away with it, they will. This isn’t so much a motivation for cheating as it is the lack of a motivation to stay faithful, but luckily these guys tend to be relatively rare.^{[7]
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This is more of a contributing factor than a reason to cheat, but it’s possible friends of his who are serial philanderers are encouraging him to be unfaithful. Society also normalizes men cheating (a guy who cheats can be a player, while a woman who cheats is…not called anything nice), so it could be that cheating seems psychologically acceptable on some level for him.^{[8]
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Section 3 of 4:

The 7 Types of Cheating

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Classic cheating Also known as an old-fashioned sexual affair, this is what most people think of when they hear the word “cheating.” This is a sexually intimate relationship that is ongoing for a period of time.^{[9]
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- “Sexually intimate” doesn’t always mean penetrative sex. According to some couples, an extended hug or cuddling can count as crossing the line—it just depends on the couple.
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One-night stands This kind of cheating is common among Opportunists and Players. They meet someone at a bar or a party, they flirt, they sleep with them, and they leave the next day never to contact them again.^{[10]
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- This is usually the distinction between “cheating” and “having an affair.” An affair goes on past a one night stand into a bigger thing.
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Emotional infidelity It’s possible to cheat without doing anything physical. If a guy forms an emotional connection with another woman or man, it can count as cheating if they’re engaging in romantic behavior. They may flirt, share secrets, or talk to the other person the same way they talk to their partner.^{[11]
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- For some people, emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating because it’s so much more intimate than a simple one-night stand.
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Digital cheating The internet has made life easier in a lot of ways, but that unfortunately extends to cheating. Talking to someone, having cybersex, chatting romantically, or flirting is so much easier today with an internet connection.^{[12]
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- These days, having Tinder or Bumble installed on the phone is a big point of pain for couples that meet online dating. It’s best to have the “getting off the app” conversation early on to avoid any misunderstandings.
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Distraction affairs Also known as being emotionally unavailable, a distraction affair is when someone in a relationship decides something else is more deserving of their time and energy. It could be an affair with their work, a video game, a hobby, or even just alone time.^{[13]
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- Most people don’t normally notice (or even care) about small distraction affairs. It can be a major issue if you’re in a rough spot and you rely on your partner for support, though.
- Again, this is the big distinction between an affair vs cheating. Being focused elsewhere for a short period of time would fall under the emotionally cheating category, while a prolonged period of distance can be considered an emotional affair.
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Financial infidelity If you two don’t have separate finances, it’s considered cheating if he spends money in a way that would seriously disrupt your lives. This could be something serious, like a shopping or gambling addiction, or something minor, like a carelessness with money. In any case, it’s important for people in a relationship to be open about spending if they’re going to share accounts.^{[14]
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- This is a topic where it’s important to have an agreed-upon procedure. You could have a rule about talking about a purchase if it costs more than $50, for example.
If a guy is a sex addict or they cheat when they’re on drugs or drunk, he’s compulsively cheating. It’s not that he necessarily wants to be disloyal, but he’s incapable of being a monogamous partner. This isn’t an excuse by any means—their cheating is just as wrong as anyone else’s.^{[15]
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Section 4 of 4:

Facts about Men and Cheating

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Men are more likely to cheat than women. Well done, ladies; you’re more loyal on average when it comes to relationships. While the vast majority of people in relationships don’t cheat, men are more prone to infidelity. Out of everyone who cheats, about 60-75% of them are going to be men.^{[16]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

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- One weird fact: husbands who earn less money than their wives are even more likely to cheat than husbands who are the breadwinner in the family.^{[17]
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Men who cheat are more likely to cheat in the future. There’s some truth to the adage, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” If a guy has cheated in a previous relationship, the odds are higher that they’ll cheat in the future as well.^{[18]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

Go to source} Statistically, a guy is about 3 times more likely to cheat if they’ve cheated in a prior relationship.^{[19]
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- Oddly enough, you’re more likely to cheat if you’ve been cheated on before. You’re also more likely to cheat if you’re paranoid about being cheated on.^{[20]
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About 20-25% of men cheat on their partner. About 1 in 5 guys is going to cheat at some point. That may sound like a lot at first glance (and it is), but it helps to put this in perspective. This means that if you have a roughly 80% chance you’re getting an honest partner when you date a guy—and the odds are even higher if you’re an excellent judge of character.^{[21]
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- Men cheat basically the same across the board, but one positive predictor is education level. If he’s got a college or graduate degree, he’s less likely to cheat.^{[22]
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What are other reasons why men have an affair?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Men also engage in an affair when they are not appreciated by their partner and are personally dissatisfied. This causes them to seek comfort or excitement somewhere else outside the relationship. That's why communication is important because it fosters comprehension, confidence, and emotional affiliation. By having an open conversation about issues concerning each other, needs, worries, and feelings, partners resolve their issues before they arise, thus eliminating the likelihood of them looking to satisfy their needs in other affairs.

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Don’t assume a guy is cheating on you. If he’s being secretive or he seems preoccupied with something, maybe he’s planning a surprise party for you or dealing with a personal issue he’s embarrassed about. Weigh the signs that he’s cheating as objectively and fairly as you can.

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If you do think that your man is cheating on you, talk to him about it. Either he denies it and you should be able to tell he’s lying to you, he admits it and you can take the next steps, or he demonstrates he’s not cheating. In any scenario, you’ll know more.

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Cheating is not the end of a relationship if you don’t want it to be. You can always recover emotionally and get back to the way things were if you take some time to heal and get therapy together.

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