How to Ask a Person if They're Single

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: December 12, 2024 References

If you have recently met someone who you want to date, then it is important to find out if the person is available. This can be tricky, and you might be worried about coming off as nosy or too eager. However, there are some simple ways to find out if a person is single that will make it easy to ask for a date. These strategies will also help you to avoid an awkward situation if the person is already taken.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Taking a Direct Approach

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1
Smile and make eye contact. Doing some simple flirting is a good way to determine if someone is interested in you and it may also help you to determine if the person is single or not.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.} If you flash a smile at someone and the person returns it, then this is a good sign.^{[2]
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Research source}
- If you are standing across the room, try by making eye contact and smiling at the person. Doing this will send them the message that you would like to talk. If the person returns your gaze and smiles back, then you should approach them.
- If the person looks away or does not return your smile, then they may not be interested.
- Reader Poll: We asked 542 wikiHow readers about the strongest indicator that someone thinks of you as more than a friend, and only 8% of them said if they point their hips and toes toward you. [Take Poll] Instead, see if they make repeated eye contact or get close to you.
2
Engage in a little small talk. Some people find small talk annoying, but keep in mind that it can help you to find out if someone is single and may even lead to a deeper discussion later on.^{[3]
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Research source} After you approach someone, introduce yourself and strike up a conversation. Chatting with the person for a few minutes before you ask if they are single will give you a chance to learn a bit more about the person and decide if they are someone you'd like to date. Try chatting about:
- The place you are at. For example, you could say something like, “This place has the best coffee! What are you drinking?”
- The people you are with. For example, you could say something like, “That's my friend George over there. Did you bring anyone?”
- A recent event. For example, you could say something like, “Did you catch the game last night?”
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3
Ask if the person is in a relationship. When you feel like you've made a connection with the person you like, then you can ask if the person is in a relationship. Make your question as direct as possible to avoid any confusion.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Try saying something like, “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” or “Are you seeing anyone?”
- If they say "yes," try not to show your disappointment. Just say something like, “That's cool,” and then talk for a little longer before excusing yourself.
- If the person says "no," don't react with too much excitement. You might just say something like, “Cool. I'm not either.”
- Try asking them playfully! You might say, "You seem like a really cool guy. Why don't you have a girl?"^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
4
Get a phone number or arrange a date. If this person is single and seems to be enjoying your company, then you can get their phone number and/or set up a date. There are many ways to ask someone out, but a simple approach might be best.
- Try saying something like, “I am enjoying talking with you. Would you like to get together for dinner sometime?” Or, "We should talk again sometime. Can I get your phone number?" Or, "I'm going for a hike on Saturday. Want to come along?"
- If the person rejects your invitation, then try not to get discouraged. It is possible that the person recently got out of a relationship and is not ready to date yet.
- You could also ask to follow them on social media, like Instagram. Then, you can check their posts and see if there's anything romantic going on.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Taking an Indirect Approach

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1
Pay attention to body language. Noting the way that the person interacts with someone else can also help you to determine if they are taken. If this person is with a person or group of people, then pay attention to how they interact with them. Try to glance at the person now and then to see how they are behaving.
- For example, is the person leaning in towards someone and smiling?^{[7]
  X
  Research source} Is the person standing closer to someone than is appropriate for friends? Is the person holding hands with anyone or touching someone on the arm or back? These things may indicate that the person is not single.
- However, if the person is not displaying any intimate body language with anyone, then there is a good chance that they are single.
2
Check for a ring.^{[8]
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Research source} A wedding or engagement ring is a dead giveaway that someone is taken. If you are close enough to see the person's hands, then look for a ring on the person's left hand. People usually wear wedding and/or engagement rings on the ring finger, which is the one next to the pinky finger.
- If there is no ring, then there is a chance that this person is single. However, keep in mind that many people have committed relationships without being married.
3
Introduce yourself. If you have reason to believe that the person is single, then you can introduce yourself and start to get to know the person you like. Just keep in mind that taking this approach may reveal that the person is or is not single within your first conversation, or it might take a while.
- If the person is alone, try saying something like, “Hi. I'm __. What's your name?”
- If the person you're interested in is in a large group, then you can introduce yourself to the whole group by saying something like: “Hi, I'm __. How does everybody here know each other?”
4
Get to know the person. When you first meet someone, it is good to ask questions to get to know the person better. Allowing the person a chance to talk may also reveal whether or not they are seeing anyone. Some good getting-to-know-you questions include:^{[9]
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- Where did you grow up?
- Where do you work? Do you like it?
- Do you have any pets?
- What do you like to do in your spare time?
- What's your life like during the week?^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Who are your friends?^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
5
Ask about weekend plans. If the person is not single, then they likely have plans with a significant other over the weekend. You can casually ask about the person's weekend plans and this may give you an answer to your question and it can also be a good way to ask for a date.^{[12]
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Research source}
- Try saying something like, “What do you have planned for this weekend?”
- If the person says nothing, then you can try saying something like, “I was thinking of going to see a movie. Would you be into that?”
- If the person says that they have plans with a significant other, then just play it cool. Try saying something, “Awesome! Have a great time!”

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Question

How do you indirectly ask if someone is single?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try asking some playful questions! You might say, "You seem like a really cool guy. Why aren't you married?" or "Why don't you have a girl?"

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Question

Is it rude to ask if someone is single?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

No, it's not. Still, if you'd rather be subtle, you could ask questions like "What do you do?" "What's your life like during the week?" or "Who do you hang out with?"

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Question

What to say after asking someone if they are single?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

That depends on their answer! If the person is single, you can ask her out. If she's not single, you can try to deflect the situation in a playful manner. For example, you could say something like, "Of course an amazing person like you already have a boyfriend."

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Always make conversation before asking if someone is single. You want to make the person feel comfortable before asking personal questions.

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