How to Avoid a Kiss

Co-authored by Crista Beck and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: August 31, 2021 References

Whether it's someone you're dating or an overly friendly relative or acquaintance, at some point you're likely to encounter someone who wants to give you an unwelcome kiss. If this happens, often the best way to deal with it is to be direct and just tell them “no.” If you're uncomfortable with that or don't want to hurt their feelings, you can also try more indirect approaches, like making an excuse or turning an incoming kiss into a hug or handshake. Remember, you should never have to accept a kiss from anyone if you don't want to!

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Being Frank and Direct

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1
Say “No” if the person moves in for a kiss. One of the simplest ways to avoid an unwanted kiss is to simply say you don't want it. If someone leans in for a kiss, tell them to back off in clear and simple terms.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
- Try saying something like “No,” “Stop,” or “Please don't kiss me.”
- You might also say, "I find you really attractive, but I'm just not ready for that yet."^{[3]
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  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
- Depending on who you're talking to—and how pushy they're being—you might try softening your approach a little. For example, if you're talking to your grandma, you could say in a gentle tone of voice, “Hey, Grandma, could you please not kiss me right now?”
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Move away from the person trying to kiss you. Your body language can also help get the message across.^{[4]
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Research source} If you can see that the person is getting ready to kiss you, step or scoot away while also saying “No.” You can also put your hand up in front of your face in a “stop” gesture.
- If the other person is holding or hugging you, you might pull away or gently but firmly push them back.
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Explain that you're not interested in kissing. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you don't want a kiss, but it can be helpful to make your expectations clear. After refusing the kiss, tell them in a straightforward way that kisses aren't welcome.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
- For example, you could say, “I don't like being kissed,” “I don't enjoy kissing in public,” or “I never kiss on the first date.”
- If you think you might be interested in kissing the person later on, you could say something like, “I'm not ready for kissing just yet.”^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
- If you don't want to hurt the person's feelings, you can try offering a gentler explanation. For example, “I'm flattered, but I'm just not in the mood right now.”
Tip: You don't have to apologize for refusing a kiss. Doing so can make it sound like you did something wrong (you didn't!), and may even make the situation feel more awkward for the other person.^{[6]
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Be firm about enforcing your boundaries. Clearly stating that you don't want a kiss should be enough, but some people aren't good at taking the hint. Once you've told the other person what your boundaries are, stick to them. Let them know what the consequences will be if they don't respect your wishes.^{[8]
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- For example, you might say, “I told you I don't want you to kiss me. If you keep trying to do it, I'm going to leave.”
- Make sure to follow through on your consequences. For example, if you tell the other person you're going to leave, get up and walk out immediately if they try to kiss you again.
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Get help if you feel like you're in danger. Some people can get hostile or aggressive when they feel rejected. If the other person threatens you or even if you just get a bad feeling about the situation, leave as soon as you can. If possible, let someone else know what's going on. Call emergency services as soon as it's safe to do so if you feel like you're in immediate danger.^{[9]
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- For example, if you're out on a date, you might excuse yourself to the restroom and then quietly leave the venue.
- If you're in a public area, such as a restaurant, try asking a staff member for help. They can call a cab for you or even notify the police if you feel really threatened.
- If you're a child or teen, tell a trusted adult, such as your parent, a teacher, or a school counselor, as soon as you can.^{[10]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Using Tactful and Evasive Techniques

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1
Make up an excuse to prevent the kiss. If you're worried about hurting someone's feelings or don't feel comfortable just saying “No,” try coming up with a polite excuse to discourage the kiss. For example, you might explain that you're sick and don't want them to catch anything from you.
- Try saying something like, “You might not want to get too close—I'm fighting that nasty cold that's been going around.”
2
Try hugging or shaking hands before they can kiss you. If you suspect someone is going to swoop in for a kiss, you can sometimes divert it by making the first move. This works especially well in awkward greeting situations. Before they can get too close, stick out your hand for a handshake or pull them in for a quick hug.
- If you go for a hug, keep it short and light. Adding a pat on the back can also make it feel more friendly than intimate.^{[12]
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Keep in mind: Greeting customs are different from one culture to another. For example, cheek kisses are a common and polite form of greeting in many European countries.^{[11]
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Research source} Being aware of local greeting etiquette when you travel can help you avoid unpleasant surprises.
3
Create a distraction if you think they're going in for a kiss. If you think someone is about to kiss you, try quickly diverting their attention to something else. You could do this by pointing something out to them, bringing up a new topic of conversation, or making a request.
- For example, as they're leaning in, say something like, “Hey, I'm really thirsty, would you mind grabbing me a drink?” or “Wow, check out that waiter's amazing tattoo!”
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Put some space between yourself and the kisser. Creating a little physical distance is another way to subtly avoid a kiss. If you know the person is likely to try to kiss you, keep some space between you or find an excuse to quickly move away from them if they try to get close.^{[13]
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- For example, if they're dropping you off after a date, quickly hop out of the car and say goodnight from outside the car door. You could try saying something like, “I had a great time, but I'd better run. I have to get up early tomorrow.”
- If you're hanging out somewhere, try sitting across from them instead of next to them to create a little extra distance.
5
Turn your head to dodge the kiss at the last minute. If the other person is already going in for a kiss, look for a way to subtly dodge it. If they're going for your lips, try turning your head to the side so that the kiss lands on your cheek instead. If you think they're going to kiss your cheek, try putting your cheek against theirs and turning it into an air kiss.^{[14]
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- If you want to duck the kiss altogether, try pretending that you dropped something or that you saw something that startled you across the room. Say something like, “Oh, oops, let me pick that up!” or “Wait, is that Roger? What's he doing here?” and quickly duck or step to the side.
6
Avoid being alone with the person if they like you romantically. Someone who's interested in you romantically is less likely to make a move if you have a friend or relative with you. Try to avoid being in situations where you're with the person one-on-one. While this isn't always guaranteed to work, it might make a difference!^{[15]
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- For example, if they've invited you to hang out, have your best friend tag along or suggest a group activity.
- You can even try positioning a friend in between you and the potential kisser. For example, if you're going to a movie together, your friend can sit in the middle.

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Is a kiss necessary?

Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Crista Beck is a Dating and Relationship Coach and Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping people become open to love and find a partner. Crista has been featured in numerous media sources such as ABC, NBC, Fox, and TEDx. She is also the author of the book, Break The Glass Slipper: Free Yourself from Fairy Tale Fantasies and Find True Love in Real Life. Crista holds a BS in Communication Studies with a focus on Interpersonal Communication from The University of Texas at Austin.

Crista Beck

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

You don't have to kiss someone if you don't want to! If someone tries to make a move, excuse yourself by saying something like, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to." Then, go about the rest of your day as usual.

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Tips

Whether it's because you're just not that into the person or because you simply don't enjoy that kind of physical contact, remember that you don't owe anyone a kiss. Don't feel like you have to accept a kiss just because it's polite or expected of you.

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