PDF download Download Article
Psychologist-backed guidance to deal with a bf's narcissistic behaviors
PDF download Download Article

Is your boyfriend self-centered? Does he need constant attention? Do you feel like he lacks empathy for you and those around him? These are all traits associated with a narcissistic personality—and they can bring a lot of challenges to your relationship. Whether your boyfriend has been officially diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or just has a lot of narcissistic qualities, learning how to manage his behaviors can make your relationship a lot less rocky. In this article, we’ll tell you everything you need to know about how to deal with your boyfriend’s narcissistic traits without letting them take a huge toll on your emotional and mental health.

Coping With a Narcissistic Boyfriend

  1. Set clear boundaries and enforce them.
  2. Use empathy and positive reinforcement to correct his behavior.
  3. Prioritize your own needs in the relationship.
  4. Spend time doing self care and seeing your loved ones.
  5. Seek out professional help for both you and your boyfriend.
1

Accept your boyfriend for who he is right now.

PDF download Download Article
  1. While people with narcissistic traits do have the potential to change their ways a little bit, they usually need professional help to do it. Try to take your boyfriend at face-value and let go of the hope that he’s going to make any drastic changes in your relationship.[1]
    • This might sound discouraging, but the sooner you accept your boyfriend for who he is, the better. You may even feel more at peace once you stop holding onto the hope that he’ll change.
  2. Advertisement
2

Put your own needs first.

PDF download Download Article
  1. When you’re dating someone with narcissistic traits, you might notice that his needs almost always get put first. If your boyfriend has been professionally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), it’s possible that he genuinely struggles with empathy, so it may not come naturally to him to consider and prioritize your needs.
    • Remember to prioritize yourself, too, and don’t let him steamroll you.[2]
    • You can do this with big things, like where you want to live, or even small things, like where you want to go to dinner. The more you put your own needs first, the better you’ll feel.
3

Try not to take things personally.

PDF download Download Article
4

Set clear boundaries.

PDF download Download Article
5

De-escalate fights with empathy.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Many people who have been officially diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) struggle with feeling like no one truly gets where they’re coming from. If your boyfriend tries to pick a fight with you, calmly tell him that you see why he’s upset, and try to relate to him. The more you can convey that you understand him, the more comforted he’ll feel.[5]
    • “I understand why you feel upset. I’d probably feel the same way.”
    • “I totally get why you’re angry. That would make me mad, too.”
  2. Advertisement
6

Trust your own sense of reality.

PDF download Download Article
  1. People who consistently display narcissistic behaviors tend to believe that their version of reality is the only reality. When you’re in a relationship with someone like this, it may often feel like you’re going crazy—your partner might blame you for things you didn’t do or tell you about conversations that didn’t happen. This behavior is called “gaslighting,” and it’s a common manipulation tactic used in unhealthy relationships.[6]
    • If you ever feel like you’re remembering something wrong, try writing it down. That way, you have concrete evidence of what happened that you can look back on.
    • Or, repeat a mantra to yourself, like, “My version of reality is right. No one else can tell me what happened to me.”
7

Praise his good behavior.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If your boyfriend does something that you can tell takes a lot of effort, praise him for it so he can see that you’ve noticed. Not only will your behavior possibly feed his ego, but you’ll let him know that he should do the same thing in the future. For example, you might say something like:[7]
    • “These flowers are beautiful! Thank you so much for thinking of me while you were out and about.”
    • “I really appreciate you giving me so much grace when I messed up earlier. I can tell that wasn’t easy.”
    Brene Brown
    Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

    Criticism won't work on narcissists. "The topic of narcissism has penetrated the social consciousness. We don't "fix it" by cutting people down to size and reminding folks of their inadequacies and smallness. Shame is more likely to be the cause of these behaviors, not the cure."

  2. Advertisement


8

Lean on your support system.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It can be hard when your partner doesn’t meet all of your emotional needs. Try to talk to your friends and family about what you’re going through, and take comfort in the fact that they’ll always be there for you.[8]
    • You don’t have to use your friends and family to vent about your boyfriend if you don’t want to. Even hanging out with them as a distracting activity can be a nice way to take your mind off things.
9

Practice self care.

PDF download Download Article
  1. You might feel stressed or worn out after dealing with your boyfriend’s behavior. Try doing something calming and relaxing at least once a day, like practicing yoga, doing meditation, or soaking in a bubble bath.[9]
    • Practicing self care looks different for everyone, so don’t be afraid to try a few things until you find what’s right for you.
  2. Advertisement
10

Encourage your boyfriend to seek help.

PDF download Download Article
  1. While it’s unlikely that someone who’s been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can change all of their ways, talking to a mental health professional can help your boyfriend find coping mechanisms and better ways to handle his emotions. Tell your boyfriend that you think he should seek help and that you’ll assist him however you can.[10]
    • “Hey honey? I know we’ve talked about a therapist before, but I really think talking to someone might be helpful for you. I care about you a lot, and I just want you to be happy.”
    • “I think talking to a professional could be good for you. They might be able to help you work through your emotions and understand where you’re coming from.”
12

End the relationship if you need to.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Remember, you deserve to be in a happy, loving relationship. If you’ve tried a few methods but you’re still having trouble dating your boyfriend, sit him down and end the relationship.[11]
    • Leaving someone who may react in a narcissistic way isn’t always easy. Make sure you have a plan in place to keep yourself safe.
    • If you’re in an abusive relationship and you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement

Tips

  • Keep in mind that having narcissistic qualities doesn’t make someone a narcissist—only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).[12]
  • It’s also important to note that people with NPD aren’t inherently abusive or toxic. NPD is a genuine mental health condition that many people struggle to manage and overcome.
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement

You Might Also Like

Deep Love Messages for Him170+ Deep, Heartfelt & Passionate Love Messages to Send Your Guy
Make Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With YouMake Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With You
Turn a Girl OnTurn a Girl On
Paragraphs to Make Your Girlfriend Cry45 Sweet Paragraphs That’ll Make Your Girlfriend Cry
Romantic Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend to Make Him Laugh150+ Romantic & Funny Questions to Make Your Boyfriend Laugh
Prepare for Your First Time for GuysPrepare for Your First Time for Guys
What Are Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend28 Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend
Find Out if a Guy Secretly Likes YouFind Out if a Guy Secretly Likes You
Tell if Your Boyfriend Is GayTell if Your Boyfriend Is Gay
Signs a Woman Is Sexually Attracted to YouSigns a Woman is Sexually Attracted to You
Deep Things to Say to Your Boyfriend over TextRomantic and Thoughtful Texts to Send to Your Boyfriend to Make Him Feel Special
Create Sexual TensionCreate Sexual Tension
Tell if Someone Has a Dating ProfileTell if Someone Has a Dating Profile
What Are Different Ways to Kiss Your Boyfriend24 Different Ways to Kiss Your Boyfriend (and Be a Better Kisser)
Advertisement

Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about narcissism, check out our in-depth interview with Adam Dorsay, PsyD.

About This Article

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophie Burkholder, BA. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008. This article has been viewed 23,329 times.
2 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: August 15, 2024
Views: 23,329
Categories: Dating
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 23,329 times.

Did this article help you?

Advertisement