This article was reviewed by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
There are 16 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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An old adage dictates that “opposites attract,” but another old adage says “birds of a feather flock together.” Which one holds water when it comes to romance? The stats suggest dating someone with shared values is the way to go for long-term love, but that doesn't mean "different" can't be attractive! Keep reading for all the details: we’ll dive into the psychology of attraction to find out why we're drawn to certain people, and we’ll also explore the pros and cons of dating your opposite.
Things You Should Know
- Opposites sometimes attract, especially in the early stages of attraction: someone with opposite traits may seem more exciting or interesting, or they may seem “forbidden.”
- However, similarities tend to make a relationship more sustainable, especially when it comes to important things like values, goals, and ethics.
- Couples with shared values and goals and different, but complementary, personalities may be more likely to have a successful long-term relationship.
Steps
Expert Q&A
Tips
References
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26828831/
- ↑ https://theconversation.com/why-opposites-rarely-attract-74873
- ↑ https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1105919108
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26828831/
- ↑ https://doi.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0022-3514.85.6.1095
- ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-criticism/
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26828831/
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26828831/
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fh0044721
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26828831/
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26828831/
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/11/071129145852.htm
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797616678187?journalCode=pssa
- ↑ https://www.heart.org/en/news/2023/02/10/this-is-your-brain-on-love
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/202306/why-anxious-and-avoidant-attachment-attract-each-other
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles/
- ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01997/full
- ↑ https://www.inquirer.com/philly/living/sex_love_dating/eHarmony-dating-study-finds-opposites-dont-attract.html
- ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2090123211000397
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3314678/
- ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886914003626