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If you’re dealing with someone who’s an expert at mind games and manipulation, it can be pretty hard to rattle them. But by using their behavior against them, you can turn the tables and regain your power. Check out our expert-backed tips on how you can drive a narcissistic person nuts and beat them at their own game. Just keep in mind that not everyone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is abusive or toxic, only a licensed therapist can diagnose NPD, and not everyone with narcissistic traits has clinical NPD.[1]

1

Ignore them.

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  1. When they walk into the room, don’t even glance over at them—make them come to you. When they text you, wait a couple of hours before responding to make them squirm. The more you act like you don’t care about them, the more frustrated they’ll get.[2]
    • If they ever bring it up to you, act like you have no idea what they’re talking about: “What? I wasn’t ignoring you. I’ve just been really busy lately.”
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2

Offer constructive criticism.

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3

Set and enforce your boundaries.

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  1. Some people love to push your boundaries, and they’ll keep pushing until you enforce those boundaries. If you really want to get under this person’s skin, explain your boundaries clearly, and then follow through with the consequences if they cross them.[4]
    • “If you keep calling me names, I’m going to walk away. I can’t talk to someone who doesn’t respect me.”
    • “You can’t belittle me in public like that. If that happens again, we won’t be hanging out anymore.”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 207 wikiHow readers for their most effective way to protect themselves from love bombing, and 57% of them said, recognizing and setting healthy boundaries. [Take Poll] Setting healthy boundaries helps you stay in control of your life.
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Dating a Narcissist?

Only a mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder), but there are plenty of red flags you can look out for. Take this quiz to find out where you stand.
1 of 12

How did they act when you first started dating?

5

Build others up in their presence.

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  1. People with narcissistic traits often compare themselves to others, but they only do it when they’re shown in a positive light.[6] Pointing out others’ achievements in front of them will help to humble them and remind them they’re not the center of attention all the time.
    • “Did you see that Jenny got a promotion yesterday? She only got hired there a year ago!”
    • “I’m so impressed by Harry’s art. His Instagram following is huge! Maybe you could get some tips from him on promoting your art.”
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6

Be less available.

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  1. Controlling people typically like to be in charge, but turning the tables on them can help you regain some control. If you make plans with them, do so on your terms: keep your plans loose, and don’t be afraid to cancel or reschedule if you need to. Be less available so they never know what to expect from you next.[7]
    • We’re not advocating for being a flake or bailing for the sake of being petty; taking control of your schedule and not being beholden to this person will help remind them you’re your own person—and it may help you feel more independent as well.
7

Stay calm when they try to rile you up.

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  1. When someone calls you names or yells at you, it’s normal to get angry or upset. But manipulative people typically want to get an emotional response; it gives them a feeling of control over you. Next time this person tries to rile you up, try to stay calm and give as little of a reaction as possible. If you don’t react, they can’t add any fuel to their own fire, and they’ll eventually peter out.[8]
    • Having trouble staying calm? Try doing deep breathing exercises or counting to 10 in your head.
    • You can also give very unenthusiastic or sarcastic replies to show how uninterested you are. Say things like “Oh, wow,” or, “Hmm,” to quickly shut them down.
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9

Reject their advice.

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Community Q&A

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  • Question
    Does Donald Trump suffer from NPD?
    Lauren Kaduce
    Lauren Kaduce
    Community Answer
    It’s hard to say because a lot of people who say he is or isn’t a narcissist are politically biased. Trump supporters will tell you he isn’t, but many liberals think he is. Only a medical professional can diagnose NPD.
  • Question
    I want to take a test to know if am narcissistic.
    Lauren Kaduce
    Lauren Kaduce
    Community Answer
    If you recognize narcissistic traits in yourself, you are probably not a narcissist. Only a professional can diagnose someone as a narcissist. Narcissists, particularly those over 18, don’t usually get professional help because they don’t believe there is a problem. On the other hand, people with other mental health issues (depression, social anxiety, etc.) often know they have a problem and seek help for it to live a better life. If you’re still worried that you are narcissistic, it might be worth talking to a therapist.
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Tips

  • Remember, not everyone with NPD is abusive, and not everyone who is abusive has NPD. In fact, many people with NPD are able to manage their symptoms with therapy and/or medication.[10]
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Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about narcissism, check out our in-depth interview with Jay Reid, LPCC.

About This Article

Jay Reid, LPCC
Co-authored by:
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. This article has been viewed 178,997 times.
22 votes - 96%
Co-authors: 8
Updated: November 28, 2024
Views: 178,997

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 178,997 times.

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