How to End a First Date

Co-authored by Maria Avgitidis

Last Updated: June 26, 2024 References

First dates can be a little nerve-wracking, no matter who you are! And when it comes to the end of the date, it's sometimes difficult to know what to do. How you end your date depends on whether you want another date or not. If you do, you should indicate that to the other person through verbal and non-verbal cues. If you don't, you should let the other person know that, as well. You can even end a date early if it's not going well.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Ending the Date When You Want Another Date

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1
Ask if you can help with the bill if your date picks it up. When the bill comes to the table, your date may pick it up to look at at, indicating they want to pay. If they do, offering to help pay lets them know they don't have to pick up the whole bill if they don't want to, but it won't offend the chivalrous types that prefer to pay.^{[1]
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- You could say, "Hey, do you want some help with the bill?" or "Would you like to split the bill?"
2
Discuss your sexual history only if you want to have sex. If you're okay with having sex on your first date or even wanting to do so, discussing your sexual history is fine to establish you have been recently tested. It signals to the other person that sex is an option. Otherwise, avoid the topic.^{[2]
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- For instance, you might say, "I've been sexually active within the last few months, but I've been tested since then."
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3
Suggest a second date in a casual way. If you'd like to see the person again, make it known that you'd like that. However, don't demand a time frame, which can be off-putting. Just bring it up as an option.^{[3]
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- For example, you might say, "I enjoyed our evening a lot. I hope we can do it again sometime."
- Alternatively, you could say, "Thanks for the evening. Let's do it again soon."
4
Offer a hug or kiss at the end. If you enjoyed the date, a little physical affection at the end can go a long way towards showing you want another date. However, always ask first, as some people are not as open to physical contact.^{[4]
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- You can say, "Hey, do you mind if I give you a hug or kiss?"
5
Send a casual text that night or the next day. If you had a good time, it's fine to let the other person know again. Just be casual about it, and don't make the other person feel uncomfortable.^{[5]
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- For instance, you might write, "I really had a good time last night. Let's do it again sometime!"
- Alternatively, you might say, "Thanks for a great evening last night! Hope to see you again soon."
- Avoid going overboard, such as "I had SOOO MUCH FUNNNN. You're absolutely AMAZING. LET'S GO OUT AGAIN TONIGHT."

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Parting Amicably without a Second Date

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1
Say you had a good time but don't push for another date. You don't have to say "Let's never do this again." However, you can subtly let the person know that you're not that interested.^{[6]
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- For instance, you might say, "I enjoyed tonight. You're easy to talk to." That tells the person that you enjoyed their company, but you don't necessarily want to do it again if you leave it there.
- Alternatively, you might say, "Thanks for dinner. It was a nice evening."
2
Avoid physical contact if you don't want another date. If you hug or kiss the person at the end of the date, that typically signals to the other person that you may want another date. A hand wave or sometimes even a handshake is appropriate, as that tends to indicate friendship rather than something more intimate.^{[7]
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- If the other person looks like they want to kiss you, make a movement to go or turn away. You don't have to kiss them, and just avoiding the kiss altogether instead of saying something about it lets them save face.
- If that doesn't work, you can say, "That's sweet of you, but I'm not comfortable kissing or hugging on a first date."
If your date wants to pay but you're not interested in a second date, absolutely insisting that you pay half can help send a signal. It says, "Thanks for the date, but I'm not interested in more."^{[8]
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4
Tell the other person you're not interested if it comes up. If the other person asks if you want another date or insinuates they want another date, be straightforward with them. It's not fair to string them along if you don't want to go on another date.^{[9]
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- For instance, if they say, "So, when are you free again?" You might say, "I wouldn't mind hanging out with you again but just as friends."
- Alternatively, you might say, "I am flattered by the offer, but I'm just not interested in being more than friends."
5
Avoid saying you want to see the person again if you don't. Saying one thing and then not following through is more annoying to most people than just saying what you mean. If you don't want to see the person again, don't say, "Let's do this again sometime."^{[10]
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- It seems amicable, but you're actually setting the other person up for disappointment.
6
Say "Thank you" anyway. No matter how you feel about the date, it's still polite to thank the person for the date. After all, it takes guts to go on a date with another person, and they willing spent their time with you.
- For instance, you might say, "Thank you for the date and spending time with me tonight."
7
Send a follow-up text if your date hasn't gotten the message. Even if you tried to let your date know that you're not interested, they may not quite get it. If they don't, try sending them a short and sweet text to let them know.^{[11]
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- Be polite but to the point. For instance, you might say, "I enjoyed going out with you, but I think we'd make better friends."

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Escaping a Bad First Date

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1
Say you want to end the date early if you're not having a good time. If you're bored out of your mind or just not enjoying your date, it's okay to call it early. You don't have to stick it out for the whole time.^{[12]
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- For instance, you might say "Thank you for the date, but I think we might need to call it early."
2
Make up an excuse if you don't want to be blunt. If you're afraid you're going to hurt the other person's feelings, you can just make up an excuse for ending the date early. An excuse signals to the other person that you're not interested, but it's not so brutal that you will crush the person.
- For instance, you might say, "I've enjoyed the date, but I really need to get home. I have an early morning."
3
Avoid going to a second location if you don't want another date. If your date wants to go to dinner after a drink or a second club after the first one, it's best to just bow out. It's a good time to leave, as you're not just getting up and walking out.^{[13]
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- You can say, "Thanks for the invite to go to dinner, but I think I'm ready to head home."
4
Leave if you don't feel safe. Most of the time, it's best to be polite and tell the other person you'd like to go home. However, if you don't feel safe for whatever reason, leave and find another way home.
- If you're in immediate danger, get up to go the bathroom. Tell a waiter or staff person the situation, and ask them to call the police.

Conversation Help

Ways to End a First Date if You Liked Them

Following Up after a First Date

Ways to End a First Date if You Weren't Impressed

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How do you dump someone nicely?

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you're not interested in any further dates, you can say something along the lines of, "I had a good time, and it was nice to meet you, but I don't feel chemistry between us. Thanks for being kind!" Just make sure to be nice and clear about what you're saying.

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