How do I get out of the dreaded friend zone?
I’m a guy and I have been best friends with this girl since childhood. I’ve always kind of had a little bit of a crush on her, and I think she might have had a little bit of a crush on me too, but nothing has ever happened. What can I do to get out of the friend zone and ask her out? I’m really worried about rejection or getting into hot water if I make the wrong move, so what should I do?
If the two of you have never had a conversation about dating one another and it’s not something that might be on the table, I’d suggest staying friends. Your friendship is going to be forever altered if you break the friendship barrier by asking her out. She’s going to always have it in her mind now that you may not have really been “true friends” and it’s just very hard to come back from that.
If you do decide you want to try and ask her out though, I’d recommend just being very direct. Saying, “Hey, I think I’ve developed serious feelings for you and I’m sorry if this is a violation of our friendship, but would you ever want to go on a date?” Make it super clear that you want to date. If she says no and that kind of puts a weird texture on your friendship (which it very likely will), that’s just something you’ll have to learn to deal with. I’m sorry there isn’t a simpler or more forgiving answer to this, but it’s a tough situation.
If you do decide you want to try and ask her out though, I’d recommend just being very direct. Saying, “Hey, I think I’ve developed serious feelings for you and I’m sorry if this is a violation of our friendship, but would you ever want to go on a date?” Make it super clear that you want to date. If she says no and that kind of puts a weird texture on your friendship (which it very likely will), that’s just something you’ll have to learn to deal with. I’m sorry there isn’t a simpler or more forgiving answer to this, but it’s a tough situation.
I'm going to speak from my personal experience here. I've confessed my feelings to my childhood best friend twice now. Once when we were kids and once more recently, now that we're adults. Both times I was turned down, but our friendship is mature enough that nothing got weird because of me sharing my feelings with her. We're still best friends and hang out all the time. I can't guarantee that things will go the same for you, but I just wanted to share my experience so you know that asking out a friend who doesn't feel the same way about you doesn't have to permanently alter the dynamics of your friendship. Good luck my friend.
I don't think you should fundamentally change who you are just to try and get out of the friendzone...but if you want to try and become the best version of yourself, that could be a great way to make yourself more attractive to you friend! Try to pinpoint specific areas of growth that you want to focus on, make concrete goals, and work towards them! For example, if you feel out of shape, you can put together a workout regime. Or if you wish you had more time for your hobbies, work on your time management or shift around your schedule. People are attracted to people who know what they want in life and put in the time and effort to make it happen!
you can never leave the friend zone. move on.
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