12 Things to Do to Stop Obsessing Over Someone

Learn to recognize obsessive thoughts and move on from them

Co-authored by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT and Ali Garbacz, B.A.

Last Updated: June 24, 2024 Fact Checked

It can be easy to get caught up in thinking about a certain person and start obsessing over them. Whether it’s an ex, crush, someone you envy, or your favorite celebrity, it’s quite common to have obsessive thoughts every now and then. However, an obsession can become a problem if it starts to impact your daily life and relationships. If you’re having trouble with an obsession, read on for a list of tips on how to acknowledge these obsessive thoughts and move on to live your best life.

Things You Should Know

Remove things in your life that remind you of the person you’re thinking about, such as by getting rid of photos or muting them on social media.
Distract yourself in a healthy way by setting aside time for your hobbies, spending time with friends and family, or focusing on your health.
Acknowledge your obsessive thoughts when they occur and examine your feelings and surroundings to identify things that may trigger these thoughts.

1

List out the person’s negative traits.

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Focusing on the negatives can help you stay realistic. Obsession can cause you to idealize another person, but making a conscious effort to identify their flaws can help you view them more realistically. This doesn’t mean you need to convince yourself that they’re a horrible person. Rather, this is an exercise that’ll help you view them more as a regular human rather than an idol.^{[1]
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- For example, point out some habits that your crush does that you don’t particularly like.
- If you’re obsessing over an ex, remind yourself why your relationship didn’t work out to help yourself think more clearly.
- Think about the reasons why your obsession is bad or unhealthy for you. Is it affecting your social life, grades, or work performance? Acknowledging these negative effects can motivate you to start changing your behaviors.

2

Toss pictures or objects that bring them to mind.

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Avoid things that remind you of them. Seeing the other person or constantly being reminded of them can make it even more difficult to stop thinking about them. To help yourself get over your obsession, remove anything in your life that may cause you to think of them. Delete photos of them, unfollow them on social media, or even delete their number.^{[2]
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- For example, if you’re obsessing over your ex, give them back their things and mute them on social media.
- Do your best to avoid being around that person. However, if your situation makes it so that you still have to see each other often, do your best to maintain distance and not engage with them.
- Block, unfollow, or mute this person on social media so you won’t be constantly reminded of their existence and tempted to reach out.
- Reader Poll: We asked 580 wikiHow readers about how they use social media when trying to get over someone, and 49% of them said that they block that person and make their profile private. [Take Poll]

3

Practice mindfulness.

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Focus on the present to ground yourself. When you feel yourself getting lost in your obsessive thoughts, take a deep breath and close your eyes. Listen carefully to the sounds around you and think about all of the other sensations you’re experiencing at that moment. Staying present helps prevent your thoughts from wandering toward the object of your obsession.^{[3]
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- Practice meditation to help clear your mind of any obsessive thoughts and focus solely on your breathing and the sensations around you.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
  Licensed Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 14 April 2021.}
- Or, do some deep breathing exercises to help yourself relax and calm your thoughts.

4

Distract yourself with enjoyable activities.

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Focus on your hobbies rather than your obsession. Use your hobbies and fun activities to give yourself a healthy distraction from your obsessive thoughts. Go for a walk, do some crafting, read a book, or even go on a solo trip. Do whatever you need to do to keep that other person out of your mind.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- It can also help to find a new hobby and dedicate more time to learning something new. For example, try a new sport, start learning a foreign language, or master a new creative hobby like painting for drawing.

5

Set goals to keep yourself moving forward.

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Focusing on accomplishing goals can distract you from an obsession. Setting goals can help you find a new sense of purpose in life that isn’t related to the person you’re obsessing over. Not only that, but accomplishing a task is a great way to cultivate a positive, self-empowering state of mind.^{[6]
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- Learning to satisfy your own needs through setting goals can make it easier to stop obsessing over someone else.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  
  Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.}
- Create SMART goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. These types of goals will provide you with more actionable steps that’ll make it easier to track your progress. For example:
  - Specific: I’m going to run a half marathon this summer.
  - Measurable: I’ll start training by running a mile every morning for a week, then move it up to 2 miles, 3 miles, and so on over the next 3 months.
  - Attainable: I have lots of time in the morning to go running and also can put my gym membership to use for training.
  - Relevant: I enjoy running as a hobby and already have pretty good endurance.
  - Time-bound: I’ll go running every morning for 3 months to prepare for the marathon.

6

Meet new people.

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Join clubs or groups to make new friends. When you obsess over someone, whether it’s an ex, a crush, or a celebrity, it can be easy to neglect your social life and tell yourself they’re all you need. Break yourself out of these thoughts by making an effort to meet new people and maintain an active social life.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Expert Interview. 14 April 2021.}
- For example, volunteer with a local community group, talk to new people at school or work, or have your friends introduce you to their friends.
- If your obsessive thoughts are directed toward someone like an ex, starting to date again may help take your mind off the other person if you feel ready.
- Avoid comparing other people to the person you’re obsessing over. Instead, focus on their unique qualities and appreciate them for who they are.^{[9]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}

7

Prioritize yourself and your health.

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Eat right, get enough sleep, and relax. It can be easy to neglect your well-being if your thoughts are consumed by an obsession. However, making sure that your body and mind are healthy is key to helping you move on from these obsessive thoughts and live your best life. Focus on yourself and take the time to assess your needs and address the things you may have been neglecting.^{[10]
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- For your physical health, make sure you’re eating healthy, getting at least 7 hours of quality sleep each night, and doing some physical activity to combat stress.
- For your mental health, set aside time to do things that relax you and help you feel calm. Go for a walk, read your favorite book, or spend time with friends.

8

Spend time with people close to you.

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Keep your mind occupied by hanging out with friends or family. Allowing yourself to be consumed by an obsession can cause you to neglect the healthy and positive relationships in your life. To help pull yourself out of your obsession, reach out to friends and family and work to nurture those close relationships. Spending time together can also help distract you from your obsessive thoughts.^{[11]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- For example, make an effort to call or meet up with your family at least once a week.
- Or, instead of letting yourself be alone with your thoughts during the weekend, use that time to hang out with friends and do fun activities together.

9

Confide in others about your obsession.

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Open up to friends or family about what you’re going through. Whether you’re obsessing over an ex, a crush, or someone you envy, bottling up your emotions can end up just making matters worse. Confiding in someone could take some weight off of your shoulders and help clear your mind.^{[12]
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- For example, tell a friend or relative, “I need to get some stuff off of my chest. I like someone, but they don’t feel the same way about me. It makes me so upset I feel sick, and I can’t stop thinking about them.”

10

Identify things that trigger obsessive thoughts.

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Take note of situations that lead to obsessive thinking. Whenever you find yourself thinking about the person you’ve been obsessing over, call yourself out. Then, take a moment to analyze your surroundings and situation. Did a certain action or feeling prompt you to think about them? Take note of everything you’re feeling and experiencing in that moment to help identify patterns in your obsessive thinking.^{[13]
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- For example, you might notice that you start thinking about a crush every time you log onto social media because you’re used to checking on their profile.
- Or, you might start thinking about your ex every time you pass by a cafe you two used to go to a lot.
- By identifying your triggers, it’ll be easier to come up with ways to avoid them so that you can keep your thoughts away from that specific person.

11

Write down your obsessive thoughts.

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Writing your thoughts down helps you to better reflect on them. Keep a log of the thoughts you have about the other person and read it over some time later. This can help you better understand and work through your obsessive thoughts, as well as give you something concrete to look back on for the sake of identifying patterns in your thinking.^{[14]
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- It may help to keep a journal specifically for writing down these thoughts.
- Ask yourself why you might be obsessing over this specific person. For example, are you attracted to their looks? Are you constantly thinking about an ex and why your relationship didn’t work? Do you think about a celebrity often because you think of them as a friend?

12

Seek professional help if necessary.

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for help in changing your thoughts. If you’re having trouble changing your thoughts and behaviors, it might help to talk to a licensed therapist for extra support. A therapist can provide you with a safe environment to talk honestly about your feelings, and they will have exercises and techniques to help you move on from your obsession.^{[15]
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Help Handling Obsessive Thoughts

Identifying Obsessive Thoughts

Talking to Friends about Someone You Obsess Over

Affirmations for When You Start Thinking of Someone

Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series

Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.

1

Stop Being in Love With a Person You'll Never Meet

2

Effective Ways to Get Over Someone You Love

3

How to Get Over Someone You Can't Have or Never Dated

4

Stop Loving the Girl of Your Dreams

5

Stop Liking Someone

6

Overcome an Infatuation

Expert Q&A

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Question

It's been almost seven months, and I think about him and his family a lot less than I used to, but I'm tired of them lingering in my head. What should I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Try to fill your life with other meaningful relationships as they will probably help fill the void that he left in your life.

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Question

Is it right to be in a long distance relationship with someone whom you see no future if you love that person a lot and he also loves you?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

If you can only remain friends then make your intentions clear. The longer you avoid the issue directly the stronger the problem will become.

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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Do not stalk the person you're trying to forget on the internet. You don't need to know anything about them, and any news at all will just make you upset. Instead, focus on your own personal growth and do things that make you feel good about yourself.
Don't pretend it doesn't upset you. Accepting somebody hurt you and that you need help will assist you in becoming happy again.

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