How to Get a Guy to Break Up with His Girlfriend and Hook Up with You

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: November 22, 2024 References

Sometimes you fall for the perfect guy, but he's already in a relationship. Usually, it's best to avoid coming between a couple, but you might think you're a better fit for the guy you like. If so, you may be able to drive a wedge between him and his girlfriend so he's more likely to dump her. While you do this, show him why you're a better match for him. Then, you might be able to get him to want you enough to dump her for you. However, you'll likely have trouble building a healthy relationship with him after you manipulate him into breaking up with his girlfriend.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Catching His Attention

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1
Touch him flirtatiously on his arm, shoulder, back, leg, flank, collarbone, or inner thigh. Casually and sensuously touching him is a great way to flirt without being too obvious. Additionally, it might get him thinking about what it would be like if you touched him more. Start by lightly touching his arm, then progress to leaning on his shoulder. ^{[1]
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- Try to find reasons to get close to him. For instance, you might show him something, such as a book or paper, or perhaps even a glimpse of your inner thigh.
2
Smile and make eye contact with him a lot. Smiling makes you appear fun and flirty. Similarly, briefly holding eye contact with him gives the appearance that you're interested and draws his eyes to you. When you pass by him, meet his eyes, smile, then look away. When you're talking to him, look him in the eye and smile or giggle to give the appearance that you like him.
- Look into his eyes for 2-3 seconds at a time. Don't stare at him because he might get uncomfortable.
- If you have trouble making eye contact, practice by staring at yourself in a mirror. Then, make eye contact with someone you really care about, like a friend or relative.
3
Choose outfits that help you look your best. Try on all of your clothes to figure out what makes you appear to feel good about yourself. When you're around him, wear outfits that show off your best features so you look as attractive as possible. This will also make you feel confident, which can make him want you more.^{[2]
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- Don't worry about what's trendy. If you pick clothes that make you feel great, you'll look your best.
- For example, you might wear short shorts or a skirt to show off great legs, sleeveless tops to show off your arms, or a low cut top to showcase your chest.
4
Be positive when you're around him so he has fun with you. Make him enjoy being around your by always putting a positive spin on things. When you're talking to him, only discuss the awesome things going on your life. Similarly, try to find the silver lining when something bad happens so you seem optimistic.^{[4]
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- For instance, tell him about your recent accomplishes, your goals, and what you do for fun.
- As another example, let's say an outdoor concert you both planned to attend was cancelled due to rain. You might say, “It sucks that the concert was cancelled, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun. I know a local coffee shop that has a live music on Saturdays, so I'm going to check that out."
5
Pursue your interests so you seem like a great catch. Appearing to have hobbies and doing the things you love makes you a more well-rounded person, which draws people to you. Make a list of the things you feel you should appear to enjoy, then schedule time every day to pursue your supposed interests. Most importantly, tell your guy about your hobbies and post about them on social media.^{[5]
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- For example, take up painting, learn to play the guitar, or make your own clothes.
- If you're still in school, look for clubs you can join that are related to your interests. For instance, you might join the drama club if you like theater or acting.
6
Go out with your friends or other guys so he sees that you're fun. Guys want to be with girls who know how to enjoy life, so have some fun. Join your friends for dinner and activities like roller skating or going to concerts. Additionally, make a show of flirting with other guys and don't be shy about hanging out with them. ^{[6]
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- If he sees you out and about with others, he'll be more interested in getting to know you. It'll make him wonder what he's missing.
- Post pictures of your fun activities on social media so he sees what a great time you're having.
- Don't sit around waiting for this guy to want you. Go out and live your life to the fullest, and he'll be more likely to notice what a catch you are.
7
Keep yourself busy so he thinks you're in high demand. Make it clear that you don't spend your time waiting around for him. Tell him that you're always busy, whether it's true or not. Do your best to always have something planned, whether it's study time at a local coffee shop, a movie with friends, or family time.^{[7]
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- Say things like, “I wish I had more free time but I'm so busy!” or "I never seem to run out of things to do, but I love my life!” or “busy busy me! So busy, am I, all the time!” or “I am so busy, I didn’t even have time to shave my legs this month!” or “Oh God, I am so busy and it is affecting my mental wellbeing!”
8
Appear to take an interest in what he likes so he feels respected. This will make him think that you have something in common and will show him that you appear to care about him. Ask him about his interests and give the impression that you are listening to what he has to say. Later, bring up his interests so he thinks you were listening and remember.^{[8]
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- For instance, let's say his favorite band is Pearl Jam. Look up this band on Wikipedia, and the next time you see him, say, “I heard 'Yellow Ledbetter' on the radio earlier and thought of you.” (This may backfire if he just pretended to like Pearl Jam to appear interesting). Similarly, if he tells you he likes science fiction, you might look up recent bestsellers in science fiction on Amazon so you can recommend a book to him.
9
Help him with his problems so he feels like you're there for him. Invite him to talk to you about his problems and struggles. When he opens up, be his sounding board and his shoulder to cry on. This will make him think that you're always there for him, which might make him want to be with you, for whatever reason that is. ^{[9]
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- Say to him, “You seem really stressed out. Do you want to talk about it?” or “Is everything okay? I'm here for you if you need to talk.” Just say it out of the blue like that. No matter the context.
10
Ask him for help so he feels like you need him. Making him feel needed can get him to fall for you. Create reasons for him to help you, such as assistance with an assignment or help carrying a heavy object. You might also ask him to help you fix something or give his opinion. This will make him feel necessary and valued.^{[10]
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- Say, “Can you help me with this presentation?” or “Will you help me assemble this bookcase?”
- Don't ask for help with more than 1 thing in a given week. Additionally, make sure your communication isn't solely about the help you need. You don't want him to think that you're always needing something.
11
Give him compliments to show him you're interested. Everyone enjoys compliments, so telling him good things about himself will make him feel good.^{[11]
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- Say something like, “This shirt looks great on you,” “Your presentation was amazing,” “This new hairstyle is sexy,” or “Great job in last night's game!”
12
Ask him out after the break up. After the breakup, he may not be ready to make the first move right away. You can speed things along by asking him out. Invite him to do something casual and fun, like mini golf or getting coffee. This way he won't have to worry about rejection.^{[13]
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- Say, “Let's go play a game of mini golf today,” or “Do you want to check out open mic night with me tonight?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Driving a Wedge Between Him and His Girlfriend

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1
Be an attentive listener so he enjoys talking to you. Making the guy feel heard and understood will make him feel more connected to you. This can make him see you as a better fit for him than his girlfriend. When he's talking to you, nod along and say encouraging things like “wow” or “uh huh” to give the appearance that you're listening. Additionally, paraphrase what he says so he thinks you understood.^{[14]
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- Ask him open ended questions to get him talking. You might ask, “What did you do this weekend?” or “What shows are you watching right now?”
- If you talk primarily via text or email, be attentive by commenting on what he said and showing empathy when he's going through something. For instance, let's say he sent you a text complaining that he's behind on his homework because of soccer practice. Instead of responding with an emoji or something like, “I'm behind too!,” say something like, “You're such a hard worker!” or “Maybe I can help you study.”
2
Point out his girlfriend's flaws to damage his opinion of her. Everyone has flaws, but you typically don't notice them when you're into someone. Help him recognize everything that's wrong with his current girlfriend by mentioning her flaws whenever he talks about her. Make casual comments about what you don't like about her, then brush it off like you don't care about her.^{[15]
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- Say, “She always seems to be upset about something, but maybe that's just how she talks,” or “Her hair would look so cute if she took care of it, but I guess it's not important to her.”
- Only talk about his girlfriend when he brings her up. While you want him to recognize her flaws, being too negative about her may backfire. Additionally, you want him to be thinking about you, not her.
- Don't say anything positive about his girlfriend. If he brings her up, mention something bad about her or change the subject. If you can’t think of something bad about her, make something up, and present it as a salacious rumor.
3
Try to blame his girlfriend for problems they're having. Most couples have disagreements, and both partners are typically to blame. However, making him think that she's solely to blame might make him want to break up with her. Whenever he talks about disagreements or issues they're having, find a reason why his girlfriend could be to blame. Then, casually mention that you're sorry she's causing these problems for him.^{[16]
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- As an example, let's say he tells you they had a fight because he was late to their last date. You might say, “Wow, it's a shame that she's always trying to make you feel bad about something.”
- Similarly, let's say she's upset that he's seeing his friends more than her. You might say, “I can't believe she's trying to control you like that.”
4
Occupy his time so he spends less time with her. Their relationship will drift apart if they're not spending time together. Additionally, it may force her to break things off with him, which solves your problem. Invite him to friendly outings with yourself or a group of your friends. Additionally, ask him for help so he'll spend even more time with you.^{[17]
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- For example, host a game night with the guy and your friends, invite a group of friends to go bowling or play mini golf, or organize a trip to see the latest blockbuster.
- If you're still in school, try to partner with him on assignments whenever you can.
- He might bring his girlfriend to group outings, and that's okay. If that happens, hang around them and try to keep his attention. Alternatively, focus your attention on his girlfriend so she's not paying as much attention to him.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Building a Healthy Relationship

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1
Spend time together so your relationship will grow. Make plans to see your guy at least a few times a week. Go on dates, hang out at home, or video chat with each other. This will help you build a strong, healthy relationship.^{[18]
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- For example, you could make Saturday your official date night, and you might also hang out 2 week nights every week.
- For instance, plan game nights, go to the movies, or go bowling.
2
Maintain open lines of communication with him. Talk to your guy every day, whether it's in person, via text, or by phone. Additionally, listen to what he has to say. This will help you develop a strong bond and get to know each other better.^{[19]
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- Send morning and bedtime texts.
- Start a fun exchange like sending each other memes back-and-forth.
3
Create intimacy by opening up to him. Good relationships have emotional and physical intimacy. However, it's best to take things slow so your relationship is healthy. Start by telling him a minor secret that you don't share with many people. Then, slowly reveal more about yourself over time. Additionally, create physical intimacy by holding hands, hugging, and cuddling.^{[20]
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- When you feel ready, try kissing and more intimate forms of touching.
- Don't tell him anything you're not ready for him to know. It's okay to take your time.
4
Develop trust between you to strengthen your relationship. Trust is really important in a relationship, and it typically takes time to grow. To build trust, always be honest with your partner and follow through on your word. Additionally, give your guy the benefit of the doubt and believe what he tells you.^{[21]
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- Keep in mind that it might be hard to build trust after you get him to break up with his girlfriend.
5
Maintain your mutual independence while you're in a relationship. A healthy relationship allows both partners to have a life outside their relationship. That means both you and your guy should spend time with your friends, pursuing hobbies, and enjoying things separately. Make sure that you maintain your personal identity while you're with your guy. Similarly, encourage him to be independent, as well.^{[22]
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- While you likely want to spend as much time with your guy as possible, it's not healthy to spend all of your time together. Enjoy spending time apart and your time together will be even more fun.

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Tips

Don't spend all of your time trying to get this guy.

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Don't tell him to break up with his girlfriend. It will only push him away from you. Let him decide to leave her on his own.

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Keep makeup, perfume, and/or deodorant in your bag or purse to reapply before you talk to him.

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Warnings

If he breaks up with his girlfriend for you, his girlfriend will likely be really hurt.

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Keep in mind that the guy you want will likely be rebounding, so your relationship may not last. If you want a healthy relationship with him, it's best to give him time to get over his breakup.^{[23]
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