How to Move On From Someone You Never Actually Dated

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Having trouble moving on from a situationship or unrequited love?

Co-authored by Jessica January Behr, PsyD and Annabelle Reyes

Last Updated: November 23, 2024 Fact Checked

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• How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated
|
• Why It’s Harder to Get Over Someone You Didn’t Date
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• Unrequited Love Meaning
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• Timeline for Getting Over Someone
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• Expert Q&A

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When you never dated the person you're heartbroken over, moving on can be an especially painful and confusing process. You may not have shared your feelings with anyone, and you may even feel a little embarrassed about them. First off, your feelings are completely valid, and we’ve all been there! Unrequited love is challenging, but with a little patience and time, you’ll be able to get over this person and even open up your heart to someone new. Luckily, we've covered all of the very best psychology-backed strategies to help you get over your crush with expert insights from licensed therapists and counselors. Read on to discover more!

Steps to Get Over Someone You Never Dated

1. Take some space from them.
2. Disconnect from them on social media.
3. Talk to a friend or loved one.
4. Stay busy with your hobbies and passions.
5. Practice self-care.
6. Focus on the future, not the past.
7. Give your heart time to heal.

Steps

Section 1 of 4:

How do you get over someone you never dated?

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1. 1
   Cut off contact with your crush and get some distance from them. To get over heartbreak, it’s best to focus on new opportunities—not your old flame. Stop communicating with your crush to allow yourself a real chance to heal. If you feel comfortable, gently explain to this person that you’ll be taking a step back from them for a while. Or, if you two have a less established relationship, simply stop reaching out.

   • If you’ve kept your feelings a secret, you may not be able to explain why you’re taking space. Remember, your feelings and mental health come first, so it’s okay to take a step back, even if this confuses them.
   • It’s okay to make up an excuse if that makes things easier for you. For example, you could say something like, "I've been so busy with work lately. I don't think I'll be able to chat much for a while..."
   • Or, if it makes sense in your situation, you can explain things directly: "I think I need to take a step back from our friendship because I have feelings for you, and I know you don’t feel the same. Spending time with you makes me feel sad, and I have to prioritize my feelings."
   • By continuing to talk with your crush, you risk leaving the wound open. But when you shift your focus from this person, you give yourself a chance to heal and open your heart to different opportunities.
2. 2
   Mute your crush on social media. If you’re constantly seeing your ex’s posts on Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok, it’s much harder to stop thinking about them. Each time you see their username, you’ll be reminded of your feelings, and you may start to ruminate about what they’re doing and who they’re hanging out with. Because of this, it’s best to mute, block, or unfollow your crush across all platforms.

   • If you haven’t expressed feelings or don’t want this person to know, mute them. Muting them will silence their posts, but they'll have no way of knowing.
   • If you’ve had a conversation with them about everything and you prefer a cleaner break, unfollowing or unfriending should be fine—they’ll likely understand why you’re taking this step.
   • Consider taking a hiatus from social media altogether. This is a great option if you can’t resist checking their page, even after unfollowing them. Social media breaks can also boost your mood and support your mental health, which can be super helpful when you’re dealing with heartbreak.
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3. 3
   Try to stop reminiscing, and let go of “what ifs.” Constantly looking back at your relationship with your crush and dreaming about what could have been can definitely make your heartbreak last longer. Nostalgia and wishful thinking may feel good in the moment, but they won’t benefit you in the long run—they’ll just keep you stuck. Instead, turn your attention toward new possibilities. To make this easier, consider getting rid of reminders, like your old messages and pictures together.

   • If you think you’ll want a copy of any texts or photos, save them to a flash drive, but delete them off of your phone so they aren’t as easily available to reminisce over.
4. 4
   Remind yourself why your crush was wrong for you. To do this, start by making a list of all the things that bother you about the person you currently have feelings for—like their lack of humor or empathy. Next, make a second list of all the qualities you'd hope for in your ideal partner. These qualities can be anything from “loves to cook” to “super kind.” Seeing these two lists side by side will help remind you that your crush wasn’t your ultimate dreamboat and that your perfect match is still out there.

   • Plus, the act of imagining your dream partner helps you focus on the amazing things to come, rather than the heartbreak of the past.
   • Remind yourself that it's a big world out there. Go find someone who looks more like list #2.
5. 5
   Challenge negative thoughts and work on thinking more positively. When you’re dealing with heartbreak, it’s easy to fall into negative self-talk. You may find yourself thinking things like, “I don’t deserve to feel sad because we didn’t even date,” or “It’s my fault for falling for the wrong person.” These types of thoughts aren’t helpful, and they’re also untrue. When you catch yourself thinking this way, take a pause and try to challenge the negative thought. For example:

   • Can you really be heartbroken over someone you didn’t date? Yes, it happens all the time. Your relationship status doesn’t determine your pain.
   • I can’t go to my friends for help, because it’s silly that I’m heartbroken. Your friends love you. And you deserve to feel supported while handling heartbreak.
   • I never even told this person how I felt. That was stupid. You did what you thought was best at the time. Besides, it’s never too late to share how you feel.
   • I always fall for unavailable people. What’s my problem? The truth is, everybody has a romantic pattern or two to break. The fact that you recognize yours is so powerful. Think of how exciting it’ll be when you finally break the habit!
6. 6
   Focus on self-care. Heartbreak is tough. While you’re coping and healing, it’s important to practice self-care and give yourself all the love and comfort you can. There are many ways to do this, so feel free to do what feels most helpful for you. For example, self-care could mean going to your weekly yoga class, carving out time in your schedule to do your favorite hobbies, or spending time outdoors. Here are a few suggestions if you’re looking for inspiration:

   • Go for a walk at sunset.
   • Watch your favorite show or movie.
   • Listen to your favorite album from start to finish.
   • Grab a weighted blanket and take a nice, long nap.
   • Light a sweet-smelling candle and solve the Sunday crossword puzzle.
   • Do something active, like hiking, riding your bike, or going to the gym.
   • Try out something new, like taking a cooking class or learning to crochet.
   • Treat yourself to takeout from your favorite restaurant, or get a sweet treat.
   • Pamper yourself with a spa day or a massage.
   • Incorporate relaxing practices, like meditation or yoga, into your routine.
7. 7
   Build up your self-confidence. When you feel great about you, it’s easy to be excited about the future. And when you’re excited about the future, it’s easier to move on from heartbreak. There are tons of different things you can do to build up your self-confidence, but if you’re not sure where to start, here are a few suggestions:

   • Licensed clinical psychologist Susan Pazak recommends making a list of all your positive qualities. Try writing down ten things you’re great at, ten things you’ve accomplished, and ten things you think you’d be good at to remind yourself of your talent and potential.
   • Pazak also suggests making a list of positive affirmations, then meditating on them three times per day (morning, noon, and night). These affirmations can be encouraging statements, like “I’m smart, worthy, and capable,” or “I’m deeply deserving of love.”
   • Set goals that make you feel inspired. Choose one big goal, like finding a new job, then come up with three sub-goals that’ll help you get there, like “edit my resume." Write these goals down somewhere so you can refer to them and hold yourself to them.
   • Volunteering can also be a powerful self-esteem booster to get past rejection, explains Pazak. “Help others to remind yourself that you have skills that are appreciated and valued,” she says.
8. 8
   Find reasons to laugh. While you’re handling the pain of moving on, seek out funny, lighthearted content and activities to take your mind off things and boost your mood. If you make it a priority to laugh regularly, you may actually find that you’re better at coping with stress, and the weight of heartbreak may not feel quite as heavy.

   • Reach out to your funniest friends. Anyone who makes you feel amazing and stress-free will be the perfect company. Do something silly together, like an improv class.
   • Watch and listen to hilarious content. If you’re watching a movie, make it a comedy. If you need a soundtrack for a nice long walk, go for a funny podcast.
   • Even alone, be silly. Dance to pop music while you cook dinner. Make funny faces in the mirror while getting ready. Look for the humor in routine situations.
9. 9
   Dive into your hobbies and passions. Staying busy will help you keep your mind off of your crush and distract you from unhelpful thoughts about what could have been. Plus, when you throw yourself into new activities and take time to explore your interests, you’ll be feeding your soul and getting closer to your goals. This can elevate your self-esteem and help you feel happier, even without your crush in your life.

   • Pick up a new skill you’ve been wanting to try. Woodworking, ballroom dancing, drawing, rock climbing—whatever you’ve been dying to do, now’s the time!
   • Double the amount of time you spend doing your favorite things. This time could be spent doing anything from exercising to cooking to building your dream closet.
   • Try to choose activities that will help you grow professionally or personally. For example, reading more, learning to code, or taking an art class are all productive (but fun!) options.
   • Creative outlets can ease the pain of heartbreak, too. Consider making a heartbreak playlist, writing a short story about your feelings, or taking a sketchpad on a walk and drawing for a while.
10. 10
    Connect with friends and loved ones. When you’re dealing with heartbreak, it’s important to lean on your network for support. “Go into the pain with a safe person, suggests licensed professional counselor Casey Lee. “Whether it’s sadness or anger or fear, our emotions need to be felt through to completion with someone who will hear, support, and be there with us. When we can do that, healing starts to happen.”

    • If you don’t feel like having a deep talk about your feelings, you can also invite them to do something fun, like going to the zoo or the movies. A fun activity will distract you and get your mind off things, which is also helpful!
    • If you’re not sure about who to reach out to, consider joining an online support group for people who are dealing with unrequited love. Discussing things with people who are experiencing the same thing could be healing, and you may be able to help someone else process their feelings, too.
11. 11
    Open yourself up to new romantic possibilities. The prospect of exciting, new love can distract you from old wounds. Yes, you got hurt, and that can feel completely terrible, but don’t let this keep you from the hope, joy, and thrill of new romance. “Choose to believe that this too shall pass, and something or someone better is meant for your future,” says Pazak. If the opportunity to get to know someone new arises, take it. Even better, actively put yourself out there. You never know what you’ll find!

    • If you notice someone cute making eyes at a coffee shop, consider walking over and leaving your number. Why not?
    • If you feel comfortable, sign up for a dating app. If the thought of creating your profile sounds bad enough to discourage you, you can always enlist a friend for help.
    • Don’t let reminiscing keep you from something great. You deserve more than old memories tinged with sadness—you deserve love. So, go out and get it!
12. 12
    Talk to a therapist. Sometimes, heartbreak can lead to more serious mental health problems, and if this happens, it’s important to seek out care. If you think you’re struggling with depression as a result of your heartbreak, a professional can help. If you’re under 18, speak to a parent, teacher, or guidance counselor about how you can get treatment, and if you’re over 18, reach out to your doctor. Look out for common symptoms of depression, like:

    • Consistent sadness, anxiety, or “empty” moods
    • Feelings of hopelessness, guilt, or helplessness
    • Low energy or fatigue
    • Issues sleeping
    • Irritability
    • Loss of interest in things that used to make you happy
    • Changes in appetite
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Section 2 of 4:

Why is it hard to get over someone you never dated?

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1. 1
   You may feel rejected. If you’ve had a crush on this person for a while, but they just don’t see you the same way, you may be dealing with feelings of rejection. These feelings can be very difficult to deal with. In fact, research shows that your brain reacts to romantic or social rejection the same way it reacts to physical pain.

   • If you feel like you can’t shake negative feelings about the situation, you may just be dealing with the (very normal!) wounds that come along with rejection—give yourself time, and be kind to yourself.
2. 2
   You may be idealizing them. When you date someone, you become familiar with their faults and quirks, and you can remind yourself of these things if you break up. On the other hand, when you’re trying to move on from unrequited love, “There’s a big component of fantasy there,” explains licensed clinical psychologist Jessica Behr, PsyD. You're much more likely to idealize the other person because you likely haven’t seen them at their worst, and this fantasy version of the relationship makes it harder to move on.

   • Behr recommends analyzing the fantasy you’re creating of this person, then challenging it.
   • “Who are you making this person out to be in your mind? What’s the narrative and the story you’re telling yourself? Let yourself revel in the fantasy for a moment…and then let in the reality of the situation. What do you actually know about this person?” she says.
   • Once you've distinguished between the things you're dreaming up about this person and the facts you actually know about them, it may be easier to let go.
3. 3
   You may feel like you didn’t get closure. After a break-up, both partners are at least able to say that they gave it a shot, even though it didn’t work out. However, if you’re trying to move on from someone you never dated, you may feel like you never got a real chance with this person, which can make it hard for you to accept the ending and find closure.
4. 4
   You may have hope that they’ll change their mind. If you still have hope that your crush will develop romantic feelings for you in the future, it can be pretty hard to let go. You may find yourself getting pulled back to the fantasy of the two of you together, rather than accepting the reality of the situation and moving on.
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Section 3 of 4:

What is unrequited love?

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1. Unrequited love means having feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same. Unreciprocated feelings could include having a crush on a coworker you don’t know very well, having secret feelings for a close friend, or wanting to be with someone who's already in a relationship with someone else.

   • Developing romantic feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same way is actually an incredibly common experience.
   • In fact, a 2013 study on unrequited love found that it’s 4 times more common than reciprocated love!
   • This experience is difficult, but one thing’s for sure: you’re not alone. We’ve all been there, and you will get through this!

Section 4 of 4:

How long does it take to get over someone you didn’t date?

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1. Everyone is different, and some may take longer than others to move on. When getting over someone, there’s no “normal” timeline. “It’s really just personal,” explains licensed clinical psychologist Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Take it one day at a time, and keep putting yourself and your own healing process first. Remember, those emotions that feel unbearable now will only get lighter over time.

   • Don’t blame yourself if it takes longer to move on than you’d expected, and resist comparing your heartbreak process to anyone else. Remind yourself that many people act "fine" before they actually are.
   • If you really want to know a ballpark timeline for moving on, some research suggests that unrequited love lasts around 10-17 months on average.
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Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series

Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.

1

Stop Being in Love With a Person You'll Never Meet

2

Effective Ways to Get Over Someone You Love

3

How to Get Over Someone You Can't Have or Never Dated

4

Stop Loving the Girl of Your Dreams

5

Stop Liking Someone

6

Overcome an Infatuation

Expert Q&A

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• Question

  How do you stop wanting someone you can't have?

  

  Jessica January Behr, PsyD
  Relationship Psychologist

  Dr. Jessica January Behr is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder and Director of Behr Psychology. She specializes in couples and sex therapy. Additionally, Dr. Behr treats those experiencing anxiety, stress, relationship problems, and depression. She holds a BA in Psychology from Hunter College. Dr. Behr also holds a Masters of Science of Education (MsED) in School Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Pace University.

  

  Jessica January Behr, PsyD

  Relationship Psychologist

  Expert Answer

  The first thing to do is to understand the fantasy component of the relationship in your head. It's probable that you don't really know a lot about the person, as you've never dated. Remember that most of the attributes that you connected to them are things that are only on your mind. Then you have to wonder why you feel like you love that person. Put your fantasy in check and learn to identify your needs to get on with your life.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 12 Helpful 56
• Question

  Can you be heartbroken if you never dated?

  

  Jessica January Behr, PsyD
  Relationship Psychologist

  Dr. Jessica January Behr is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder and Director of Behr Psychology. She specializes in couples and sex therapy. Additionally, Dr. Behr treats those experiencing anxiety, stress, relationship problems, and depression. She holds a BA in Psychology from Hunter College. Dr. Behr also holds a Masters of Science of Education (MsED) in School Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Pace University.

  

  Jessica January Behr, PsyD

  Relationship Psychologist

  Expert Answer

  Yes, you can! To get over that, check-in with yourself about how it feels to be in an unrequited love relationship. Do you feel angry? Do you feel betrayed? Are you hurt? Is your self-esteem taking a hit? Answer those questions and try to figure out a way to take care of yourself and to get your needs met, even though the person that you want to be fulfilling those needs can't necessarily do it.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

  Yes No

  Not Helpful 2 Helpful 23
• Question

  We liked each other a lot in the past, but then I turned him down when he asked me out. Now I realize that I can't do without him. I want him back, but he distanced himself. How do I get over him now?

  

  wikiHow Staff Editor
  Staff Answer

  This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

  

  wikiHow Staff Editor

  Staff Answer

  He may have distanced himself from you to avoid getting hurt again. If you're sure that you want to be with him, tell him! You never know until you try. It may help to explain why you chose to reject him in the past, what's changed, and why you won't do anything similar in the future. Good luck!

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

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  Not Helpful 5 Helpful 9

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