This article was co-authored by Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Jason Polk is a Relationship Counselor and the Owner of Colorado Relationship Recovery. With over 12 years of experience as a therapist, he specializes in helping couples build healthy and thriving relationships through counseling. Jason holds an MSW from Newman University, Colorado Springs. He is also a Level II Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) therapist, Healing Our Core Issues (HOCII) Certified therapist, and has training in Relational Life Therapy (RLT).
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Ending a relationship with someone you care about can be tough, so wanting to be friends with them is totally natural. A lot of people will tell you that staying friends with an ex is impossible, but with a little preparation and honesty, you can do it! Some of best ways to do this include forgiving your ex, not snooping on their social media profiles, hanging out in groups instead of one-on-one, and focusing on the future (rather than dwelling on the past). Keep reading to learn how you can set clear boundaries and maintain a platonic relationship with your ex-partner.
This article is based on an interview with our relationship counselor, Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC, owner of Colorado Relationship Recovery. Check out the full interview here.
Best Ways to Set Boundaries for Being Friends with an Ex
- Forgive your ex if you’re mad at them.
- Avoid snooping on their social media profiles.
- Be mindful of your current partner’s feelings.
- Hang out in groups rather than one-on-one.
- Avoid dwelling on or bringing up the past.
- Avoid flirting and "friends with benefits" situations.
Steps
Common Questions: Being Friends with an Ex
Is it a good idea to be friends with an ex?
Being friends with an ex can work out in some cases, but it's best to give it some time after the breakup so you can move on mentally and emotionally first. Setting clear boundaries and expectations can prevent both of you from getting hurt.[20]
How long should you wait before being friends with an ex?
There's no specific time frame, but experts do recommend giving it some time post-breakup before attempting to be friends. It's important that both of you move on mentally and emotionally before attempting to be friends.[21]
When should you walk away from a friendship with an ex?
You should walk away from the friendship if your ex repeatedly crosses your boundaries, still has obvious feelings for you, or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way. If one of your current partners doesn't like the friendship, you may want to consider that, as well.[22]
Tips
References
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
- ↑ https://extension.umn.edu/divorce-and-other-family-transitions/importance-forgiveness
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 November 2021.
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 November 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/naked-truth/202304/can-i-be-friends-with-my-ex
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a25918646/friends-with-ex-tips/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/naked-truth/202306/can-you-shift-from-lovers-to-friends
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 November 2021.
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 November 2021.
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 November 2021.
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a25918646/friends-with-ex-tips/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/naked-truth/202306/can-you-shift-from-lovers-to-friends
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 November 2021.
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/dealing-with-a-toxic-friendship
- ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 November 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/naked-truth/202306/can-you-shift-from-lovers-to-friends
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-of-parallels/202303/should-you-remain-friends-with-an-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-of-parallels/202303/should-you-remain-friends-with-an-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/naked-truth/202306/can-you-shift-from-lovers-to-friends