Subtle Signs That He Secretly Likes You (According to Psychology)

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Decode his behavior and discover his true feelings

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IN THIS ARTICLE

1 You catch him staring.

2 He’s always telling jokes.

3 He’s nervous around you.

4 He’s got your back.

5 He “accidentally” touches you.

6 He’s always making new plans with you.

7 Other people mention that he’s talked about you.

8 He’s subtly protective.

9 He’s always trying to get you alone.

10 He compliments you.

11 He gets jealous and tries to hide it.

12 He opens up to you.

13 He pays attention.

14 He always messages you back.

15 He teases you.

16 He always shows up at the same places as you.

17 He’s smiley when you’re around.

18 He’s always facing you.

19 He touches his face.

20 He’s hard to read.

21 He’s inconsistent with you.

22 His friends already know who you are.

23 He jokes about your relationship.

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Written by Candice Mostisser | Edited by Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: December 1, 2024 Fact Checked

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Maybe he's a friend or maybe he's a crush, but one thing's for sure: you get the feeling that he might be into you. He hasn't said anything yet, and it seems like he's trying hard to keep his feelings under wraps. But still, your spidey senses are tingling! So, is he crushing on you? Once you know what to look for, it'll be easy to uncover the truth. Using psychology and expert tips, we're outlining all of the surefire signals below. Let's get started!

This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, Candice Mostisser. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

• Look for signs in his body language. He might lean in close or face his body towards you, even when you're not talking.
• Does he always try to get you alone? A guy who likes you will probably take every opportunity to be around you, especially 1:1.
• Think back: does he have a weirdly good memory when it comes to you? If he's crushing on you, he might seem to remember everything you say.

Steps

1

You catch him staring.

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1. He’s trying to catch a glimpse of you, but subtly. If a guy’s into you, he’ll definitely try to have eyes on you when he can. This is in part because he wants to see what you’re up to, and in part because he likes the view! But if he’s playing it cool, he won’t want to be caught in the act. If you lock eyes with him, he’ll probably look away quickly.

   • Or, if he’s really crafty, you may not catch him in the act at all. Instead, ask your friends to keep an eye out when you’re in the room together. With their help, you might get all the intel you need.
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2

He’s always telling jokes.

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1. Humor is an attractive trait, and he definitely wants to seem attractive to you. If this guy is into you, he’ll want to impress you while he has the chance. So when you’re in a room together, he’ll be all about the jokes and quips, maybe even teasing his friends to get your attention. In his mind, this is a great way to show off in front of you without making it obvious that he’s into you—but luckily, you see right through it!

   • Or, he might not make jokes, but still, his personality is bigger when you’re around. He might get loud, make the group’s plans, or challenge his friends. His friends might even comment on it—that’s how you know he’s pulling out all the stops for you!

3

He’s nervous around you.

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1. Blushing, sweating and shaking are all signs of a major crush. Some guys are emboldened when they’re into you, but some lose their cool completely. If he’s trying not to make his feelings obvious, he might try to talk normally, give you minimal attention, or seem relaxed. But when you look closely, you’ll see signs that really, he’s on edge. Why? Because he really wants you to like him!

   • You might see him go red, nervously avoid your gaze, sweat, shake, twitch in his face or hands, or stutter while he talks to you. These are all signs that he’s nervous.
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4

He’s got your back.

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1. He’s your knight in shining armor whenever you need his help. Even if it’s super inconvenient for him, he’s there when you need a friend. Maybe it’s to help you move, maybe it’s to search for something you lost, or maybe it’s even for emotional support. Regardless, he’s hoping that you’re noticing just how good of a “friend” he is, and that you’re starting to want him to be more…

   • This is an especially strong sign if he's not as generous with other people. If it seems like he brings out his best behavior just for you, he might be nursing a big crush.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Does My Crush Like Me?

Having a crush is the best thing in the world—except when it’s the worst! All those lovey-dovey butterflies can quickly turn into nervousness. Suddenly, you're stuck analyzing their every move, wondering whether or not they like you back. Luckily, we’ve got the perfect quiz for you! Answer these questions, and you'll learn to identify the secret signs that your crush is into you, so you can stop worrying and start loving. Take this quiz to finally get your answer!

1 of 20

Does your crush follow you on social media?

Totally—they tag me in posts and always comment on mine with inside jokes.

Yep. We don’t interact publicly, but I get sooo many DMs of memes from them.

Yeah, we like each others’ posts but that’s it.

No, they never accepted my follow request.

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5

He “accidentally” touches you.

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1. If he's crushing, he'll be thrilled when you two casually brush knees. When you’re together, he finds any opportunity to get close. He might do this without a word—sitting close on the couch, brushing shoulders with you, or touching your back while he passes at a party. On the other hand, he might come up with an excuse to touch you, either removing an eyelash from your face, comparing your hand size to his, or patting your knee when he asks you a question.

   • Though, if this guy leans in the nervous direction, there’s a chance that he won’t go this route. The idea of making his feelings too obvious through a casual touch will be too much for him, so he’ll hold back (but trust us, he’s thinking about it!).
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6

He’s always making new plans with you.

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1. His goal is to ensure that you two have more opportunities to hang out. When you two spend time together, he’s thrilled, even if he doesn’t say so. How do you know? He works hard to keep the good times rolling. He might keep tacking on more activities when you guys hang out, or he might casually suggest that you two do something else later on in the week.

   • For example, say you mention something you like—he might try to turn it into a reason to hang out: “Oh, you like Marvel movies? Me too. We’ve got to watch the new Ant-Man film as soon as it comes out.”

7

Other people mention that he’s talked about you.

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1. It seems like even when you're not around, you're always on his mind. Your friends, his friends, and even strangers might be keen to mention that you’re all he talks about. He may not be letting on that he's into you when you're around, but for some reason, you're all he can think to talk about with other people. Why is that? Because when a guy's crushing on you, he'll think about you constantly. So when he's with pals, it's hard for him to remember stories that don't involve you.

   • “Ollie talks about you all the time. Today, he was joking about how you’re always late to everything.”
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8

He’s subtly protective.

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1. You’re not his, but sometimes he acts like you are. He doesn’t want people messing with you, he doesn’t want you getting into trouble…it’s almost like he really cares about you, but can’t seem to say it directly. He seems really invested in your well-being, even though you two aren’t particularly close.

   • “I really don’t think you should be flirting with Sal. He’s a player. You deserve someone who treats you really well.”

9

He’s always trying to get you alone.

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1. Being in your company is always the goal for him. If a guy likes you (but doesn’t want you to know yet), ideally he’ll want 1:1 time with you, but he won't want it to seem obvious. Because of this, he probably won’t come right out and ask you (“Should we go somewhere more private?”). Instead, he’ll jump on casual opportunities for you two to spend time alone.

   • Say you’re driving to a concert with a group—he’d love to be in your Uber. Maybe you’re picking up breakfast for everyone—he wants to go too, so that he can look at the menu himself. When it comes to spending time with you, he’s an opportunist!
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10

He compliments you.

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1. Even if he tries to be causal, he can’t help but to openly admire you. When a guy likes you, naturally he’ll be thinking about all of the things that make you amazing. So he probably actively tries to keep himself from being too flattering, but with the number of sweet things he notices about you every day, some compliments are still destined to slip out! He might compliment your looks, personality, or deeper values.

   • Bonus points if it’s an indirect compliment, because that means that he has a high opinion of you—but he had no intention of sharing that. For instance, say you’re making a trivia team. He might push to add you to the team because he obviously thinks you’re a smartie!

11

He gets jealous and tries to hide it.

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1. Maybe he hasn’t asked you out, but he’s envious of guys who have. If this guy is trying to be casual about his crush, he’s unlikely to say that he’s jealous directly (“Wow, I wish I could go on a date with you…”). Instead, it’ll be subtle: he might look uncomfortable when you talk about Friday’s date, or he might leave the room when you say you think someone’s hot. He might also seem annoyed, even if he won’t admit that he’s jealous:

   • “This is a boring conversation. I don’t feel like sitting here listening to Hannah moon over some guy. Can we change the topic?”
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12

He opens up to you.

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1. He wants to feel close to you, even if he can’t admit that yet. It might seem like whenever you two are chatting, it gets deep—and fast. Why is this? Because he trusts you and feels a connection to you, even if he hasn’t let onto that just yet. He might talk about his fears, his relationship history, or his work; but if he seems set on bonding with you, that’s a good sign that he likes you (even if he’s playing it cool!).

   • This is especially true if he talks about what he wants in love. Not only is he trying to connect on a deeper level, but he’s also trying to subtly explain what he wants in a relationship (potentially because he’d love to have one with you!).

13

He pays attention.

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1. When a guy likes you, he’ll probably notice the little things. He remembered your birthday, even though it’d been forever since you talked about it. He could tell when you got a haircut, even though it was just a trim. He hasn’t said that he likes you yet, but it does seem like he pays special attention to you…and this is a great sign that he’s interested. You’re always on his mind, so he doesn’t miss a thing!

   • This might also lead him to comment on small, unique things that other people don’t notice. For example, he might look at you and say: “I feel like you’re always more energetic in the mornings. I love that. It’s so funny!”
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14

He always messages you back.

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1. He likes chatting with you too much to leave you on read. If a guy likes you (but he’s trying not to be obvious about it), his texts will be a strong tell. He might text you a lot and reply really quickly. Or, on the other hand, he might wait hours in response and just send you random, out-of-the-blue memes (so you don’t catch onto his crush!). But one thing’s for sure: he always responds. He can’t resist the chance to chat with you.

   • If he’s inconsistent about how he texts you, that’s another good sign. This could mean that he’s going back and forth on how to handle his feelings for you.

15

He teases you.

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1. He wants to flirt with you, but he can’t be obvious (so he pokes fun!). A lot of the time, teasing will be this guy's bread and butter. This is a way to make you laugh and subtly flirt, but without hinting at how he feels directly. With teasing, he can always claim that he’s just making fun of you because it’s funny (even though you know the real reason!).

   • "Drew, you are the loudest person I've ever met. I swear, I'm going to need to buy ear plugs before we hang out next time!"
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16

He always shows up at the same places as you.

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1. Maybe he’s too nervous to ask you out—so he has to be strategic. Whenever he hears you’ll be somewhere, he’s keen to go, too. Somehow, it just seems like he wants to be at all the same events as you. This isn’t accidental: he’s never more motivated to be somewhere than when he knows that you’ll be in attendance!

   • Haven’t noticed this specifically yet? Put it to the test! Next time you're in a group, announce that you might pop out for some reason, maybe to go get snacks for everyone. Ask who wants to join you on your trek. If he's down, that's a good sign!

17

He’s smiley when you’re around.

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1. It seems like to him, you’re the most exciting thing on the planet. You might actually feel his vibe shift when you enter a room. Before, he was acting totally normal. Now, suddenly it’s like he’s walking on air. Everything that you say is met with a smile, so you feel like the coolest person ever. And to him, you probably are!

   • If he does this, he’ll also probably laugh at whatever you say too. You’ll feel like a world-class comedian in this guy’s presence.
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18

He’s always facing you.

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1. When a guy likes you, you’ll notice that he can’t turn away. If he’s dead set on playing it cool, you might have to pay attention to subtler cues—like his body language. Here’s an expert tip for you: if a guy is paying special attention to you, you might find that he’s always turned towards you, even if the two of you aren’t speaking. He might also lean in when you speak. His feet are a telltale sign—look to see where his toes are pointed! If it's at you, that could mean that he has a crush.

   • Some people report that when someone secretly likes you, they’ll look at you when they laugh. So next time you’re in a big group and someone cracks a joke, take a peek at him. If he’s beaming straight at you, that could be a good sign!

19

He touches his face.

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1. If he's fidgeting, that could be a sign of nerves. When a guy likes you, he’ll drop subtle cues subconsciously. He might rub his eyebrow, continually scratch his face, or put his hand to his mouth. All of these signals point in the same direction: he likes you!

   • This is especially true if he keeps touching his lips. There’s a good chance that he’s thinking about kissing you, or about trying to get you to think about kissing him.
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20

He’s hard to read.

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1. If he’s struggling with his feelings, it might lead to strange behavior. When a guy is being upfront about his feelings for you, it's usually easy to tell. When a guy just wants to be your friend, you might also pick up on that without any trouble. But when a guy is fighting feelings for you, he's probably just as confused as you are. He might find himself doing and saying things that he never thought he would, and you might end up feeling perplexed (What on earth is this guy thinking?").

   • If you find that you're feeling totally lost about how he feels (whether platonic or romantic), that could be a sign that he's into you. If you ask your friends and they're also picking up on weird, unreadable vibes, you might be his secret crush!

21

He’s inconsistent with you.

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1. If he’s hot and cold, it could be because he doesn’t know how to act. He’s caught between a rock and a hard place because as much as he likes you, he doesn’t want to show it. So this might lead to some really up and down behavior with you. Like one day, all he wants is to talk to you—and the next, he’s totally aloof. Why is this? Because he has no idea what he’s doing; when it comes to you, he feels out of his element!

   • Pro tip: if you want confirmation, try asking him about how hot and cold he runs with you. If he gets nervous when you ask or tries to change the subject immediately, that’s a good sign that he’s into you.
   • Be aware that this type of inconsistent behavior could stem from a man being married or otherwise committed to someone else. In this case, it's best to walk away from the situation.
   • Reader Poll: We asked 1201 wikiHow readers and 52% of them agreed that the best way to handle a married man being interested in you is by distancing yourself from him. [Take Poll]
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22

His friends already know who you are.

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1. If this guy's crushing on you, he's probably already told his friends. So, you're meeting someone from his circle, you extend a hand all ready to introduce yourself, and—they stop you. "Oh, I already know who you are, don't worry. Claire, right?" How did they already know your name? Because he's talked about having a crush on you already, so they already knew they should keep an eye out for you.

   • You might also pick up on knowing glances and I-know-something-you-don’t-know smiles. If it seems like his friends are keeping a secret from you, then there’s a chance that he’s told them he likes you.

23

He jokes about your relationship.

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1. He seems fixated on defining what you two are to each other. Maybe you two joke about being the single friends, or maybe you laugh about how all of your friends want you to get together. But if you guys have a little ongoing joke about what you are to each other (and he’s the one keeping it going), it might be because he actually thinks a lot about that. It might be a joke now, but down the line, he might hope it becomes a real discussion.

   • He might also refer to you guys as an “old married couple,” because you’re so close, and you jokingly bicker. Or, he might joke that you two are each other's wingmen (even though in reality, you're the only person he wants to impress!).
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