How to Attract an Older Guy

Co-authored by Cristina Morara

Last Updated: December 12, 2024 Fact Checked

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Dating older men can be difficult, especially if the age difference is significant. You are most likely going to be into different things, and have different tastes. But, that doesn't mean you can't be compatible. If you find yourself attracted to an older man, act mature and approach him with confidence. If things work out, and you start dating, take some time to make sure your interests line up. Don't let age get in the way of a happy relationship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Making a Good Impression

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Cristina Morara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} You can attract a man without talking to him just by dressing up the right way. Looking more mature doesn't mean you need to look old. In fact, your youth is probably one of your most attractive qualities. Rather, it means picking a hairstyle that suits you rather than something wild, and switching out some of your less mature clothing for a more sophisticated look. Basically, you want to be well put together to attract an older guy.^{[2]
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Act confident. Nothing is as attractive as confidence. That means paying attention to your posture (sit up straight!). It also means looking him in the eye while you're talking to him and smiling.^{[3]
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Cristina Morara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} Try to keep yourself calm and collected, so your words come out strong and sure, not fast and jumbled.
- Also, don't forget to smile. A smile lights up your face and shows you're enjoying yourself.^{[4]
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Many old guys will be turned off if you are just looking for someone to take care of you. In other words, have a steady job and a well-established house or apartment. If an older guy is looking at you, those qualities will show him your mature enough to date him.^{[5]
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Keep your cool. You may think it's best to spill your whole life story on the first date. Really, though, that shows a lack of maturity. Keep some things back for later in your dating life.^{[6]
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- Curiosity is attractive, so ask questions about his life and passions to make him feel important.^{[7]
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  Cristina Morara
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
That is, be on good terms with your family. By being on good terms, you've shown that you can maintain long-term relationships, even when things may get a little tough.^{[8]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Attracting an Older Guy

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Act mature. Depending on how old the guy is, he may have completely different social habits than you. If you're in your 20s, and you're after a guy in his 30s, he may not be as interested in going out drinking as you are.^{[9]
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- You don't have to change who you are to attract an older guy, but you should make sure the two of you are a good fit. An older guy is likely to be more set in his ways, but that doesn't mean you have to follow suit. You can still go out with your friends, but don't leave a string of drunken messages on his phone.
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Avoid pointing out the age gap. Getting over the age gap may be one of the harder aspects of dating an older guy. Avoid making references about his age, and if you bring your friends around, make sure they do the same.^{[10]
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- An age gap between partners can make it harder to connect. He probably has different hobbies, and different tastes, than you do. Try to connect with him on these things. Listen to music he likes, but also try to expose him to things you like. Don't force him to behave like a younger man, but try to involve him in your hobbies and interests.
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Don't play games. It doesn't matter how old someone is, nobody likes manipulation. Don't try to make an older man jealous to get his attention, and don't play head games to make him want you.
- One reason an older man might hesitate to date a younger woman is the fear of being toyed with. Approach an older guy with confidence and be direct. If you like him, say so.
- Don't assume that because a man is older, he's mature and ready to settle down. Some older men may want to take advantage of younger women to make themselves feel younger. Just as you don't want to play games with an older man, don't let an older man play games with you.
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Treat him with respect. Don't go after an older man because you want his money. He may be successful, and he may spoil you with the occasional nice date, but that doesn't mean he's going to give you all his money.^{[11]
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- Don't ask him how much money he makes, or what kind of car he drives. If he gets the feeling that you're only with him for his money, he's likely to end things. If you don't actually like the guy, don't lead him on.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dating an Older Guy

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Talk about your goals in life. Before you get into a relationship with an older guy, find out what his goals are. Does he have any long-term plans? It's important to know how you will fit into each other's life.^{[12]
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- If he already has kids, for example, he may not be interested in starting a whole new family with you. If you don't want kids, this may be fine with you. But, if you do want kids, this could mean trouble down the road.
- Don't sacrifice your own goals to be with someone who is already starting to settle down. Or, if his plans are to start traveling the world, and you're still finishing up college, don't drop everything just to be with him.^{[13]
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EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Having this type of conversation early on is essential. Age gaps especially require clear communication, which helps you both to align your desires for the future. It's important to focus on your long-term goals rather than just the here and now.
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Maintain intimacy. Intimacy is a big part of any relationship. Don't base your entire relationship on sexual compatibility, but take it into consideration.
- Don't assume that an older man will be less sexually active. The opposite is more likely to be true. An older man has probably had more sexual partners, and is likely to have more experience in the bedroom.^{[14]
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Have fun together. More than anything, make sure you can get along with each other. Learn from each other and delight in sharing new experiences with one another.^{[15]
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- Take some time to assess your compatibility. Find out if you have any overlapping hobbies and pursue those. Find ways to spend time doing things you both enjoy.
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Introduce him into your social circle. One big hurdle of dating an older guy is wondering how he will fit in with the rest of your friends. Think about the type of people you regularly hang out with. How will they react to you dating an older man?^{[16]
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- Your friends shouldn't dictate who you date, especially if you care for the person. However, you should consider how your partner will get along with your friends. Likewise, think about who he hangs out with, and how you feel about his friends.
- Talk with each other about your respective social circles. Make sure your partner is comfortable with your friends, and vice versa.

Attract and Date an Older Man with this Expert Series

There's nothing wrong with an age gap in an adult relationship as long as both people are on the same page. Learn how to attract and date the man of your dreams with this expert series.

1

12 Things to Consider Before Dating an Older Man

2

Date an Older Guy

3

How to Handle an Age Gap in Your Relationship

4

13 Explanations for Why Older Guys Like Younger Women

5

Why Am I Attracted to Older Men?

6

Attract an Older Guy

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do you get an older man to fall in love with you?

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.

Cristina Morara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Accentuate your mature side, which many times comes with experience not age. A warm smile and prolonged eye contact exudes confidence and will open the door, and a light-hearted, fun approach when you’re first trying to start the relationship is charming. You could go big or go home by saying “If you were to ask me on a date, I would say yes...I just wanted you to know.”

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