How to Break the Ice

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: September 16, 2024 References

Breaking the ice is important in many situations and will lead to more productive, more comfortable conversations. No matter what ice you're trying to break, wikiHow has a few ideas you can try! Just get started with Step 1 below or see the sections listed above to find the situation that applies to you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

In Relationships

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Going on a date isn't like meeting people in other situations...there are all sorts of things that tend to make you extra nervous! Admitting that you're nervous on a first date or even just around someone new can be a great icebreaker. They're probably nervous too, so just vocalizing what you're both thinking can really ease the tension.
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Notice and comment on something about them.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Look at them, really look them over, and notice things about what they're wearing or how they're acting. Notice how they talk. Their accent. Look for if they're wearing something particularly nice, unique, or handmade-looking. Comment on these things that you notice.^{[2]
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- Use physical comments sparingly since it might seem disingenuous.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
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3
Ask them to ask you something. By letting them know that it's okay to talk to you and ask you questions, you can really help break the ice in your budding relationship. Say something like "If you have anything you want to ask me, go ahead." You can even give them more guidance. For example, "If you want to ask about my wooden leg, it's okay. I can talk about it."
- Also make sure to ask your date personal questions about themselves!
- Reader Poll: We asked 225 wikiHow readers and 52% of them said that their favorite first date conversation starters are questions about hobbies and interests. [Take Poll]
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

It's always good to enter conversations with a curious mindset. Approach social situations with an open mind, even if their question isn't what you expected. Simply relax and have fun—be yourself!
There's something to be said for just saying what you're thinking when it comes to the matters of the heart. If you see someone that you'd like to get to know better and then date, you can just tell them that.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} For some people it will be a turn off, but for most (especially the attractive ones) a break from all the games will be a nice breath of fresh air. Say something like, "I'm sorry, I saw you from across the room and I kind of felt like the air got punched out of my lungs. I just had to introduce myself or I'd never forgive myself."^{[5]
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If they have a somewhat unusual name (old fashioned, ethnic, anything other than the standard Sarah/John), then comment on and ask them about their name. You can ask if they were named after someone, how their parents chose the name, and if they like their name, etc.
The sneakiest and yet one of the most effective ways to break the ice with someone you don't know yet is to ask them to settle a bet for you. For example, say something like, "My buddy says this shirt makes me look like Bill Cosby during his blue period. What do you think?" or "All my friends say that guys won't go anywhere near girls with short hair. What do you think?"

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

In the Workplace

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Always, always, always do your research before going into any business meeting, whether it's with one person or three hundred. Read up on the company and as many of the key players that you'll be meeting as you can. Did your new partner previously work in a different industry? Did the company you're visiting just announce an upcoming reorganization? Look for things like this because you can comment on the information in order to start up a conversation.
A good way to start a conversation with any individual you encounter through work is to ask them about how they got to the position they're in. Most people take a pretty wild route to get to where they are, so the conversation might even be really interesting!^{[6]
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This is the sort of thing you can find out about if you do your research beforehand. Just be sure that the award is fairly recent, so that they'll have more to talk about if they have not been with the company for too long.^{[7]
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For ice breaking with larger groups, pass a bowl of Skittle or other colorful small candy around the room. Then, for each piece of candy that someone took, they need to answer a question about themselves. Color code the questions to the color of the candy. For example, a blue earns the question, "Where did you grow up?". A green can signal the question, "What is your favorite guilty pleasure tv show?"
If you're not a pop culture or sports person, this can feel like a burden, but the fact is that pop culture is (by definition) pretty much the lowest common denominator. Do some quick reading of the Entertainment and sports sections of the paper/internet each day and you'll be prepared to have a conversation with far more people.^{[8]
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Workplace ice breakers tend to revolve around games. Most of the time, there will be a few people who enjoy the games but most will just feel like you're treating them like they are in high school again (because similar games are so common in schools). You don't want to demean your employees or people that you're working with by making them feel this way. Try to find adult ways to break the ice. This usually means manning-up and starting a conversation yourself!^{[9]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

In General Social Situations

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1
Compliment them.^{[10]
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Research source} A sincere compliment is always a good way to start things off with a new friend. Find something that you honestly appreciate or admire and let that show in your voice. Don't hold back! You can compliment something they work on, their personality, their sense of style, or anything else that you think of.
- Anatomy may not be the best choice!
Being a little silly can help someone who's uncomfortable loosen up a bit and see that you're nothing to be intimidated by. Take this approach if you know that people tend to see you as serious or scary. Do something like ordering your drink by saying, "Appletini. Light on the tiny," or reading them their horoscope in a silly voice after asking their sign.
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Research source} Straight up admit that you're new or don't get out much and ask for advice on the area, fun things to do, or good places to eat. Asking people to talk about something they love is usually the fastest way to get them feeling comfortable an talkative.
Pay attention to what's happening around you and you will easily find things to comment on.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} Changes in the architecture new buildings going up, someone doing something nice for a stranger, upcoming events, etc. All make good ways to break into a casual conversation with someone you're just meeting.
This technique should be used sparingly, but it can be a good way to break into a conversation with someone. Ask them to do you a small favor (hold a drink, hold your place in line, grab something you can't reach, give you directions, etc). Just be sure that what you're asking of them only takes about 30 seconds of their time. When they're done helping, thank them and then break into a casual conversation.^{[13]
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If you want to break into a conversation with someone at a restaurant, coffee shop, or other area with food, ask them about the drink in their hands or the food that they're eating. Say something about how good it smells and then ask where they got it or what it is. You can then move into a discussion of food in the area or special ingredients in the item, etc.

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Question

How do you break the ice with questions?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

It is important to ask open-ended questions, as they leave more room for conversation than just a yes or no question.

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Question

What is the best ice breaker question?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Ask if they are a cat or dog person or if they have any pets of their own.Talking about pets is always great, since most people have a pet. If they don't, they probably still like pets, so that's a great ice breaker.

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How do I break the ice after telling a girl I like her?

Community Answer

Tell a joke or find another way to make her laugh.

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Tips

Avoid asking things like “What’s your favorite color?” or “What is your favorite animal?"^{[14]
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Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}

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Don’t talk about bad experiences or ask them about theirs. Bad experiences bring up negative feelings and you don’t want the other person feeling negative when you are just breaking the ice.^{[15]
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Laura Bilotta
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Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}

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Take risks. Don't anticipate rejection.

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