How to Break the Ice and Flirt With a Girl You Don't Know

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

Last Updated: December 14, 2024 References

It’s not always easy to break the ice and flirt with a girl you’ve never met, especially if you feel overwhelmed by how cute she is. However, all you really need is a dose of confidence, some interesting conversational topics, and the desire to show the girl that you think she’s special. If you remind yourself that the worst case scenario here really isn’t that bad, then you’ll be able to talk to that cute girl from across the room in no time at all. Remember: trying is better than having regrets!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Making a Move

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1
Look your best.^{[1]
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Research source} If you want to make a move on a girl you’ve never spoken to before, then it’s important to look your best. This doesn’t mean you have to look like a bodybuilder or a movie star or just someone who doesn’t feel like you; it means that you have to look and feel your best in order to get the confidence you need to make a move. Wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself, pay attention to your hygiene, and be well-groomed before you finally talk to that girl you’ve had your eye on.
- Of course, if you see a girl you like and don’t think you look your best, talk to her anyway! But if you’ve been working up the courage to talk to her for weeks, then you might as well look your best to give yourself the extra boost of confidence you may need to talk to her.
- It’s important to shower every day. You don’t want to distract the girl with your B.O. instead of focusing on all of the charming and funny things you have to say.
2
Make eye contact. The first thing you should do as you get ready to break the ice with a new girl is to make eye contact for just one or two seconds, so she knows you’re interested. Once you catch her eye, you can look away or look down at the floor, as long as you know you’ve captured her attention. If you’re feeling bold, you can even give her a little smile to show that you like what you see, and make your way over to her.^{[2]
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- You can make eye contact and then take another few minutes to work yourself up to walking up to her, but you don’t want to be that guy who lingers around forever before making a move; besides, if you do that, you may miss your chance.
- She’ll be really impressed if you make eye contact and then walk right over to her.^{[3]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 1328 wikiHow readers, and 67% agreed that the best way to show confidence when meeting a girl is making eye contact and smiling. [Take Poll]
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Introduce yourself with confidence. Once you’ve made eye contact, just walk over to the girl while keeping your posture straight and your gaze straight ahead. You don’t need to say anything fancy to get the conversation started. You can simply say something like, “Hey, I’m Jake, what’s your name?” Or, “I’m Jake, and I’d love to meet you.” Keep it simple and to the point.^{[4]
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- When she says her name, you can repeat it to her or say it’s a nice name to show that you’re really paying attention.
- You can also come up with a conversation starter, such as complimenting a piece of jewelry she’s wearing, asking her a question, or just saying something simple and funny.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Imad Jbara
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
4
Don’t use cheesy pick up lines. Though you may think you need to use a cheesy pick up line to get the girl’s attention, this will actually give her the wrong impression. You don’t want her to think that you look at talking to her as a game and want to show her that you want to make a sincerely good impression on her. Don’t waste your time checking the internet for all of the best ways to get a girl’s attention and focus on being yourself instead.
- You don’t want the girl think that you’re just trying to pick her up; you want her to see that you have a real interest in her.
- You can come up with an interesting conversation starter, but you really don’t need to start with anything too flattering or even too forward if you want to start off on the right foot.
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Don’t come on too strong. Though you want to make it clear that you’re interested, you don’t want to make the girl feel like you’re being too pushy. If you want her to keep talking to you, then you shouldn’t make any comments that are overly sexual, mention specific parts of her body, or just make the girl feel uncomfortable. Keep things light, flirtatious, and friendly and make the girl feel like you really care about her.^{[6]
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- When you start breaking the ice, try to get a feel for whether or not the girl is interested. If she crosses her arms over her chest, backs away from you, or keeps looking around for her friends or checking her phone, then it just may not be your day. If you’re pretty sure she’s not feeling it, then be polite but move on.
- You’ll both begin to flirt more with each other as the conversation progresses, so you don’t need to force it too much at the very beginning.
- Be careful not to try an over-impress her. If you try to get her approval right away, it could come off as desperate.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Imad Jbara
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
6
Be nice to her friends. If the girl is standing with a group of her friends, or even just one or two of them, then you have to make an effort to be nice to them, too. You don’t want the girl to think you’re only being nice to her because you want to get with her and that you’re normally disrespectful to girls; make sure to be nice to her friends and to introduce yourself to them while also making it clear that the girl you came up to is the only one you’re interested in.
- It’s important to be nice to her friends so they don’t try to stop her from talking to you, but you should avoid flirting with them too much or the girl will think that you’re just a naturally flirtatious guy who doesn’t have any special interest in her.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making Her Feel Special

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1
Ask a few questions.^{[8]
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Research source} Once you start talking to the girl, you can flirt with her a bit by asking questions to show that you want to get to know the girl while teasing her at the same time. You don’t need to ask anything too serious and should keep things lighthearted so you have a fun, easy conversation going. You can ask her questions about her hobbies, about what she likes to do for fun, or about her pet cat; just keep things fun and easy and don’t make her feel like she’s being interrogated. Here are some examples of questions you can ask:^{[9]
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- “So is blue your favorite color or do you just wear it because it matches your eyes?”
- “Do you spend your evenings hanging out with your cat or are there other things you like to do for fun?”
- “Are you really a Giants fan or do you just like wearing orange?”
2
Give her a compliment. Another way to flirt with the girl is to give her a nice compliment to show that you really do like her.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} You shouldn’t compliment any parts of her body or say anything too sexual, but you should point out something great about her appearance or her personality to show that you want to get to know her more. Here are some things you can say:^{[11]
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- “Has anyone ever told you that you have the most incredible laugh? I’ve never heard anything like it.”
- “You’re the only girl I know who looks great in neon.”
- “You’re really good at talking to new people, aren’t you? How do you do that?”
3
Make sure to really listen to her. You may be too nervous to really pay attention to what the girl is telling you when you first come up to her because you’re so worried about keeping the conversation going. However, if you really want her to like you and to show that you’re interested, then you have to make an effort to really listen to whatever it is she says to you so she sees that you want to do more than just pick her up.^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Here’s what you should do:^{[13]
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Research source}
- Make eye contact
- Put away your phone
- Don’t interrupt her or give her advice when she’s talking
- Don’t try to compare her experiences to yours when she’s trying to say something serious
- Bring up something she mentioned earlier in the conversation later on to show that you’re really listening
4
Ask about her day. Another simple thing you can do is just to ask the girl about how her day is going or what she’s been up to lately. This can lead into some playful teasing or can just show her that you care about who she is. It can also just lead you to find out that you have more in common than you think. Here are some easy questions you can ask:
- “So have you been hanging out at the mall all day or did you do something more exciting earlier today?”
- “Do you have any fun plans for this evening?”
- “Do you like coming here a lot, or is this a special occasion?”
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Tease her a little bit. Once you and the girl have started to talk a bit more, then you can tease her a little bit. As long as you’re both comfortable with it and she understands that you’re joking, this can be a great way to flirt with her and to show her that you’re really interested. Pick something not too serious to tease her about and make sure she returns the teasing before you take it too far. Here are some examples of things you can say to tease her a bit:^{[14]
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- “Do you always talk about your cat this much or is it his birthday?”
- “Do you always wear your hair up like that or are you just trying to look like Demi Lovato?”
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Try not to dominate the conversation. It’s important to have a balance in the conversation when you’re talking to a new girl. While you may want to charm and impress her, you don’t want her to feel like you’re talking at her and that you only need an audience. Make sure that you’re not doing much more than half the talking and that you’re learning new things about the girl and asking her questions about herself; you don’t want her to think you’re self-centered.^{[15]
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- If you open up about yourself and mention something like your favorite band, make sure to turn it around and ask her what her favorite band is, too.
- Remember that the key is to be interested, not interesting. You want the girl to see that you care about getting to know her, not about showing off.^{[16]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Imad Jbara
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Keeping Her Interested

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1
Stick to lighthearted topics. If you want to keep flirting with the girl and to keep the conversation moving in an interesting direction, then you should avoid talking about anything too serious or anything that will bring the mood down, such as the recent death of a relative, a tragic story you read about in the news, or a traumatic moment from your childhood. Stick to topics that will make the girl comfortable and which will make her want to open up and keep talking to you. Here are some things you can talk about:^{[17]
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- Your pets
- Favorite sports teams
- Favorite hobbies
- Favorite movies or actors
- Funny things that happened to you recently
- Your weekend plans
- Places you’ve traveled to
- Something interesting you recently read
2
Be positive. If you want to keep flirting and keep the conversation going, then you should try to be as positive as you can. You don’t want to get the girl down by whining, complaining, or even criticising everything around you; you want her to see that spending time with you is a positive experience. Though you can make some negative comments if you really want to, you should try to keep things upbeat overall.
- If you catch yourself making a negative comment, you should counter it with two positive ones.
- Focus on talking about the things you love, such as your favorite subjects in school or your favorite sports, instead of complaining about the things you hate.
- Smile, laugh, and be happy and open as often as you can. The girl will feed off of your positive energy.
3
Ask for her opinion. If you want to keep the conversation going, you can ask the girl for advice on something not super serious. This shows her that you care about what she thinks and that you take her seriously. People also love giving advice because it makes them feel important, so this is a win-win situation. Pick something you think she might know something about and show that you really do want to know the answer. Here are some questions you can ask:
- “Do you think the new Hunger Games movie will be as good as the last one?”
- “Do you think I should see Drake or Imagine Dragons next month? They’re playing on the same day.”
- “I can’t decide what to get my little sister for her birthday this weekend. Do you have any ideas?”
4
Poke fun at yourself. Another way to flirt with the girl is to not take yourself too seriously. Try to poke a little bit of fun at yourself without being too self-deprecating and show the girl that she can say anything she wants around you.^{[18]
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Research source} You don’t want her to feel like you have a sensitive ego; you want her to see that you’re secure enough in who you are to take a little teasing. Here are some comments you can make:
- “I started playing guitar to try to pick up girls, but actually, I just love it now…”
- “I may be a little too obsessed with my dog, but I like her more than most people I know!”
- “Ha, well, I guess not every one of my jokes is golden.”
5
Don’t get jealous. If there are other guys around or the girl mentions another guy, then you shouldn’t put them down or make negative comments about them. Though you may think that doing this will make you look better, you’ll actually come off looking insecure and like you don’t think you stack up to those other guys if you do this. If another guy comes around, be nice to him instead of being rude or outright mean; you want the girl to see that you’re a good guy.^{[19]
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- Let the girl see that you’re confident enough in yourself to know that other guys don’t matter.
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Ask her out. If you’ve had a great conversation and want to see the girl again, then you should try to ask her out before you walk away. You can keep things really casual and not put a lot of pressure on her by not making it sound like a big deal. Simply wait until the conversation has reached its peak and then tell her you have to get going so she has the best possible impression of you as you leave before you ask her to hang out again.^{[20]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}^{[21]
X
Research source} Here are some things you can say:
- “I’d love to keep talking about The Strokes, but I have to get going. Can I get your number so we can pick up this conversation over drinks or coffee soon?”
- “I actually have to get going but I’d love to see you again so I can give you that book I was telling you about. Can I get your number so we can meet up again soon?”
- “It’s been great talking to you and I’d love to see you again. Can I get your number so you can show me if you really are the best bowler in the state?”