How to Deal With Going to a Different School Than Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Tips to help your relationship thrive when you're apart

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: August 7, 2024 Fact Checked

Whether you and your boyfriend or girlfriend are about to be going to different high schools or colleges, or you’ve been in different schools the whole time, a long-distance relationship can be frustrating to navigate. But with patience, hard work, and open communication, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend can keep your relationship going strong, whether you’re in the same town or you’re miles apart. Check out our tips, below, including relationship expert Connell Barrett's advice on how to make a long-distance relationship work.

How to Handle Dating Someone Who Goes to Another School

Create a healthy long-distance relationship by keeping in touch often and visiting each other as much as you can. Maintain the romance by having dates over video chat and sending each other love letters or care packages. Keep yourself busy by investing in your friendships and hobbies.

1

Communicate regularly with each other.

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Frequent communication will keep your bond strong. It’s easier to grow apart when you don’t talk often. If you aren't seeing each other every day, Barrett says, try to figure out different ways to keep up with one another.^{[1]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Share your ideas and emotions with your boyfriend or girlfriend, even if they seem minor. It's hard to pick up on tone in a phone or text conversation sometimes, and sometimes what you’re feeling needs to be stated explicitly.
- Talk about your experiences openly and honestly.
- Ask about your boyfriend or girlfriend's day and share what happened with yours. Maybe make a habit of texting or calling each other every evening to share how your day went, if just for a few minutes.
- Discuss weekend plans and set aside times to talk and/or visit each other.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1396 wikiHow readers how they’re most likely to get to know their long-distance partner, and only 9% said by imagining being my partner. [Take Poll] Instead, scheduling time to talk can be a more effective way to connect with your significant other.

2

Use technology to stay close.

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Long-distance relationships are easier than ever thanks to modern tech. With all of the ways to communicate through technology, your relationship can really thrive.
- Barrett recommends Skype or Facetime so that you can see each other face-to-face.^{[2]
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  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok are great social media tools to keep in touch and to get involved in similar interests and activities. For instance, you could make a daily habit of sending a Snap to your sweetheart every morning or evening.
- Text or email nearly every day. "Because you're not going to be in the same physical place during this time, you want to turn up the dial of fuzzy, warm, loving texts," says Barrett.^{[3]
  X
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  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} You don’t have to send long love letters every time you text. Even a quick “Hey, babe, I love you!” lets them know you’re thinking about them.
- Return any calls or messages in a timely manner to show your boyfriend or girlfriend they’re a priority—but this doesn’t mean neglecting your other responsibilities or relationships.

3

Keep the romance alive.

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You don't need to be in the same room to see sparks fly. Just because you’re far apart doesn’t mean you can’t keep the magic going with a little romance! Dress up for a Skype call, or send romantic love letters via snail mail—anything to make things feel a little more special.
- Treat video chats or phone conversations like dates. Dress up when you face chat and make your dorm room or apartment look nice, for example. You could even have a meal delivered to your significant other’s house for them in lieu of cooking for them or taking them out.
- Cultivate overlapping interests so you have more to talk about—for instance, read a book together or go see the same movie. Or watch a movie together: "You can both open up your Netflix on one of your digital dates," Barrett suggests, "and press play at the same time."^{[4]
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  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Make use of regular snail mail. Sending a postcard, a letter, or even a small care package with their favorite snacks or items can spice things up and add variety to the way you communicate long distance.

4

Get involved in the same after-school activities.

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If you live nearby, you can get involved together. Even though you’re apart during the school day, participating in the same after-school activities is one way you can see each other often and get interested in something together.
- Many communities have activities such as social events, classes, sports, and volunteer opportunities for teens and young adults.
- Volunteer at a local animal shelter, library, or other cause you care about. It’s a great way to spend time together—and you’ll both feel good knowing you’re making a difference in the community!^{[5]
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- Join a club or community theater, take a class, or participate in a sport together. Learning a new skill together is a great way to become closer.
- Hanging out after school is also a good way to connect with your boyfriend or girlfriend's friends.
- You can also invite your significant other to events at your school, such as dances, plays, sporting events, etc. and attend events at your boyfriend or girlfriend's school.

5

Visit as often as you can.

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Weekends, holidays, after school—whenever! There are tons of ways to stay close without seeing each other in person, but it can be helpful to reconnect face to face when you can.^{[6]
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- Weekends and holiday breaks are great times to get together, especially if you share the same hometown and will be returning to see family.
- Plan to visit the other person at their school. That's a great way to meet their new friends, see what they are getting involved with, and have fun together on the other person's home turf.
- Seeing your significant other in their own environment will help you imagine what their life is like and what experiences they are having when you talk to them.
- You can also plan to go on short weekend trips together or on spring break. While traveling can be costly, there are a number of travel agencies, such as STA travel, that offer cheaper student pricing on bus or plane tickets and hotels.

6

Acknowledge that it's OK to miss them.

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It’s not only OK—it’s healthy and normal. When someone you care about is far away, it can be hard to be happy. You’ll probably feel sad and lonely at times. Acknowledge you have these feelings, and talk about them if you can; it’ll make them easier to deal with and move on from.^{[7]
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- When you feel lonely or are particularly missing your boyfriend or girlfriend, reach out to them! Even sending a quick “I miss you” text can help you feel better—and it’ll probably make them feel loved. They might feel lonely without you sometimes, too!
- Talk with trusted friends or family who you see more regularly about your feelings. Odds are, they can relate on some level, even if they’re not in a long-distance relationship.

7

Trust each other.

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Long-distance is tough, but trust is essential in any healthy relationship. You might worry about what they’re doing or who they’re with when they’re not with you. This is normal, but try not to give too much weight to these types of thoughts.^{[8]
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- While the stress of a long-distance relationship can result in a breakup, some studies indicate long-distance couples may be more likely to stay together than traditional couples.^{[9]
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- Couples who have been in a long-distance relationship may be more likely to have developed strategies for working through difficult times.

8

Support their personal growth.

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This will foster healthy, unselfish love. You’ll no doubt both face occasional challenges in your different schools. You may even find yourself growing in different directions. Try to support your boyfriend or girlfriend's growth, anyway, as best as you can—even if it feels scary, or you worry you’ll lose them.^{[10]
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- Classes and new social situations can be particularly hard for new college students. Know that they're going through the same thing and talk about your experiences.
- Remember that living separate lives and having different experiences doesn’t have to mean you grow apart. Continue to talk frequently about what is going on in your lives and make time to see one another, and your bond will likely continue to blossom and deepen.

9

Get involved in your school.

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Do your best to make the most of your own school experience. It’s hard being apart from your significant other, but getting more involved in school can help distract you from any stress or sadness and make you feel more balanced.^{[11]
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- Do your best not to let your schoolwork slide. Try to make friends in each of your classes.
- Prioritize regular time with your school friends: hang out after school one day a week, or go catch a movie together—maybe one you know your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want to see.
- Doing after-school activities with your sweetheart is a great way to stay connected to them, but do activities on your own, too. Cultivate your own unique independent life! It’ll help you feel more confident and energized—and it’ll give you lots to talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about, too!

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Question

How can I make a relationship work when we go to different schools?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try to stay connected frequently by video chatting and messaging each other frequently. Programs like Skype and Snapchat can allow you to talk to your significant other face to face over the phone or computer. Be sure you let your significant other know that you're thinking of them and appreciate them.

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Question

Will our feelings fade if we don't see each other every day?

Community Answer

If your relationship is strong, they shouldn't fade. Just make sure to text your partner often, and be flirty to keep the feelings going. If your feelings do fade away, tell them and talk it out. It will be okay.

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Question

We are in middle school and he is my crush. I've liked him for 3 years and he is going to a different high school. I think it's time to confess my feelings. Don't you agree?

Community Answer

Yes. During breaks or in the halls you should confront him. Guys like girls who are confident. If you prefer, calls or texting are also good ways to tell him. Make sure to keep things light, simple, and straightforward. You could also send him a love note and tell him you sent it. If he is not interested, be mature about it, and tell him you'd like to still be friends.

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