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Thought-provoking questions to deepen your connection
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This article was reviewed by Seth Hall and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
It's late, the lights are low, you're a little tired but not ready to go to bed yet—the perfect time for a deep late-night conversation. Worried about how to get the ball rolling? Don't be! We've got over 100 questions here that are sure to stoke meaningful discussions that help you get to know each other better and build strong emotional bonds.
Top Late Night Conversation Starters
- What's the most recent thing you've learned?
- What legacy would you like to leave behind?
- What experience had the biggest impact on who you are today?
- If you could live in any fictional world, where would you live?
- If you had only 1 year to live, what would you do differently?
Steps
Section 14 of 15:
How to Have a Meaningful Conversation
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![Step 1 Set the stage for emotional intimacy and connection.]()
Set the stage for emotional intimacy and connection. Ideally, choose a quiet, comfortable spot where you can hang out with minimal distractions or interruptions. Soft, low light is great. You might also put on some soft music in the background—just make sure it's quiet enough that neither of you feels like you have to talk over it.[3]- It's also best if you're sitting close to the person you're talking to—you can reach out and touch their hand or arm as you listen. Plus, you'll likely feel mentally closer if you're physically close to each other.
- Approach the conversation with a sense of curiosity. It can help to add a little fun to it and make it like a game! For example, you could take turns asking each other questions from this article.
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![Step 2 Ask open-ended questions that allow for elaboration.]()
Ask open-ended questions that allow for elaboration. A question that can be answered with a single word isn't going to be the easiest way to get a conversation going. Better questions call for the person to tell a story in the answer to discuss a big issue on a deeper level. When you ask open-ended questions, you also send a subtle signal to the other person that you're really interested in whatever's on their mind—you want to go below the surface.[4]- You can even turn a yes/no question into an open-ended question by tagging "and why" to the end of it—although these aren't always the most interesting questions, they can still get someone talking!
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![Step 3 Listen actively and seek clarification when you need to.]()
Listen actively and seek clarification when you need to. Research shows people feel more emotionally connected to each other when they're both present and mindful during conversations. When you listen actively, you prioritize what the other person is saying over what you might want to say next. You also make sure you understand what they meant before you respond.[5]- Eliminate any distractions and make eye contact throughout the conversation—it helps build the emotional intimacy between the two of you.[6]
- Give the other person your undivided attention to show them that you value them and believe they are worth spending time on.
- If you don't understand something the other person said, asking for clarification lets them know that you think it's important to understand exactly what they're saying.
- The easiest way to make sure you've understood someone correctly is to repeat back to them what they've said using their own words. Doing this also gives you a little time to come up with your response (assuming you understood them correctly).
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![Step 4 Share stories about yourself openly and honestly.]()
Share stories about yourself openly and honestly. People are often afraid of what will happen if they share something sensitive about themselves, but research shows that people tend to be pretty receptive. If you share something meaningful, most people will try to share something meaningful in return and keep the conversation going.[7]- Don't be afraid to admit if you find the answer embarrassing or if you need some time to formulate your answer before you respond to a question.
- At the same time, if you feel uncomfortable answering anything, let the person know! Emotional intimacy can be tough and you might find yourself hitting some walls that you weren't aware you had—and that's okay![8]
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![Step 5 Empathize and validate...]()
Empathize and validate the other person's feelings. Remember that even if you disagree with what someone says, their emotions are still valid. When you want to empathize with someone, focus on how they feel rather than how they react as a result of those feelings.[9]- Acknowledge the person's feelings and give them space to process the emotions that came up, if they need it. You might even thank them for feeling safe enough to tell you.
- For example, if your friend is talking about something they did in childhood that they regret, you might say, "You must have been terrified! It's totally understandable that you would act the way you did—I'm sure a lot of people would do the same thing. You were very brave to face that."
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![Step 6 Use follow-up questions to better understand.]()
Use follow-up questions to better understand. The key to keeping a conversation going is to listen to what the other person is saying and find something within what they've said to ask about. If you can't pinpoint anything specific that seems natural to expand upon, try asking either how it made them feel or what happened next (whichever makes more sense given what they've said).[10]- For example, if a friend is talking about their childhood and mentions that they watched cartoons with their dad on Saturday mornings, you might ask them what their dad's favorite cartoon was.
- If they're recounting a memory, you might ask them how they felt in the moment or how they feel thinking back on it now.
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Any good deep conversation starters to get to know people better/tips for keeping a conversation going? Drop em here please and thank you... Read More
What I recommend to help you have incredible and deep conversations is not to just skip from subject to subject. Very often conversations turn in... Read More
I think to have a deep conversation, you need to first be genuinely interested in the other person and what they have to say. If you're more focu... Read More
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotion-as-information/202203/how-to-grow-your-capacity-for-emotional-intimacy
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/a_little_nostalgia_could_make_your_relationship_more_loving
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202005/how-to-have-deeper-more-intimate-conversations
- ↑ https://www.goodlisteningskills.org/step3-seek-more-information/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-discomfort-zone/202408/emotional-intimacy-the-key-to-a-resilient-and-fulfilling
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-finesse/202211/how-increase-emotional-intimacy
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2021/09/deep-conversations-strangers
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotion-as-information/202203/how-to-grow-your-capacity-for-emotional-intimacy
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
About This Article
Life Coach
This article was reviewed by Seth Hall and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.
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Co-authors: 4
Updated: December 9, 2024
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Categories: Conversation Skills
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