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Learn the rules for texting after the first date
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When it comes to texting after a first date, the content of your messages and the energy between the two of you matter way more than the frequency of your texts. A lot of people put a ton of energy and thought into when to text, or how often to text, but you can generally trust your gut here. If the energy was there, text as often as you’d like! With that said, you may want to be a little more thoughtful about your texting habits, and that’s okay too. If you want to know more about the etiquette these days on texting after first dates, we’ve got you covered.

When should you text after the first date?

If you want to let your date know you’re interested, reach out later that night. Or, wait 2-3 days for a more traditional approach, especially if you didn’t feel immediate sparks. Start by texting once a day, or text as often as you’d like if you really hit it off. Do what feels most natural to you.

1

Reach out right after the first date if you’re super interested.

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  1. If things went well, don’t worry about violating any kind of social norm here. Let them know you had fun and that you hope to see them again. If they like you too, they’ll be happy to see your text pop up on the screen.[1]
    • You might say, “Hey thanks for the great night! I really had a lot of fun :)” or, “That was a blast. We should do it again some time!”
    • People get self-conscious about this, and a lot of 21+ folks grew up hearing adages about waiting a certain amount of time before texting. That’s kind of outdated advice these days.
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2

Wait a few hours after the date to see if they text first.

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3

Wait 2-3 days after the date for a more traditional approach.

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  1. This is particularly salient advice if you’re on the older side and you and your date both have a lot going on professionally or personally. A single date isn’t a big deal, so it’s totally fine to take a few days before reaching out.[3] You could text them:
    • “Hey Alex, I hope you’re doing well. I was wondering if you’d be interested in grabbing some lunch this weekend if you’re free?”
    • “Nicole! I had a great time the other day. Want to get a drink at some point next week?”
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4

Start with 1 text a day and let things develop from there.

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  1. A single text a day gives the other person something to respond to without making you seem too desperate or uncaring. If they hit you back really quick and the two of you text up a storm, let it happen! If your conversations are more sporadic, that’s okay, too. This gives the two of you time to establish a rapport and set a vibe.[4]
    • A simple, “Hey! How are you doing?” is a perfectly safe and laid-back way to go.
    • You could ask something open-ended, like, “How was your day?” or, “What was the highlight of your day?” to give them something to respond to.
5

Text as often as you’d like if you two clicked.

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  1. It’s easy to get up in your head about whether you’re texting too often, or not enough, or whatever. If the date went well, you’re into them, and you get the vibe that they’re into you, text as much as you’d like. So long as your conversations aren’t really lopsided where one of you is sending multiple messages before the other responds, it’s totally okay.[5]
    • The etiquette surrounding texting after a first date used to be very conservative and concrete. These days, people treat texting like an extension of a regular conversation, so don’t be super self-conscious here.
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6

Wait a few minutes between texts to keep it cool.

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  1. If you respond to the other person’s texts as soon as you get them, it can leave the impression that you’re hanging on their every word. If you want to come off a little more laid back, wait a few minutes after you get each text before you reply. This won’t damage the conversation, and you may come off as a little more mysterious![6]
    • The other benefit here is that it gives you time to think about what you’re going to say. Even just 30-60 seconds of meditation on each text may really help you figure out the perfect thing to say!
7

Slow down if the convos aren’t developing.

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  1. Every budding relationship is not built on a foundation of constant (or even interesting) text conversations. If your date went well and you feel like the vibe was right but your text conversations just aren’t flowing, it’s okay! Just slow down. Take a more leisurely pace and respond within a few hours.[7]
    • Your date might just be really bad at texting. If your first date went well, it’s possible that they’re just one of those people who don’t check their texts, or forget to respond.
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8

Space out your chats to maintain a connection.

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  1. Shoot them a text every 2-3 days just to remind them that you’re there and see if you can spark something. It’s totally normal to not know right away whether a relationship has legs or not, so send them a text periodically. If they latch on and pick the convo up, awesome! If the conversation peters out, try again in a few days.[8] You could say:
    • “I just saw something that reminded me of you!”
    • “How are you doing? I’ve been crazy busy at work. What have you been up to?”
    • “Hey, remember when you were telling me about that band? I think they’re on tour and coming to our city next month. You want to go?”
9

Avoid double- or triple-texting.

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10

Stop texting if they don’t reply.

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  1. It’s one thing if they miss a text, but if they ghost you, stop texting. Don’t penalize them or read into it too much if they hit you with a “Oh, sorry, I got caught up and forgot to reply” once or twice. However, if you’ve texted them a few times and they haven’t replied at all, don’t text them again. They may simply be too weak to acknowledge that they don’t want to go on a second date, and if that’s the case, you’re better off without them anyway.[10]
    • If they felt a little cold or detached on the first date as well, they probably aren’t into it. However, if you feel like the date went well and they’re just awful at texting afterwards, try calling them! Maybe they’re just uniquely awful at texting.
11

Hit them up at the end of each day to stay in touch.

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  1. Frequent back and forth texting during the day is normal if you’ve committed to a relationship, but you (or they) may not want to move so fast. If you want to talk regularly but not overdo it, chat at the end of each night. The two of you can discuss your days and continue to get to know one another better.[11] You might try:
    • “I had a really long day. My boss is giving me the hardest time with this new project I’m on. How was your day?”
    • “What was the best part of your day today?”
    • You can also test the waters to see where they’re at by texting a basic, “Hey!”
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12

Don’t text at all if you’re keeping it casual.

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  1. You can wait for them to hit you up first, or just simply keep your options open and move on. If you want to call them, go for it, but don’t feel obliged to keep texting someone after one date if you’re not in that space right now.[12]
    • A single date does not need to be a big deal. If they’re texting you frequently and you’re just not into it, let them know and keep it moving. You’re not locked into anything after a single date.
13

Replace frequent texting with phone calls.

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  1. Texting is calculated. Each person has enough time in between receiving a text and formulating a response to curate what they say. It’s not organic! If you really want to get to know one another better, call them. [13]
    • Don’t skip the text message and go straight to the phone call if you just had one date with this person. Most folks these days won’t pick up if it has only been one date.[14]
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14

Ask for a second date when you’re ready.

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  1. There is nothing wrong with asking for a second date over text. If the two of you have been chatting back and forth, the vibe is right, just go for it! Even if the energy isn’t off the charts and there’s potential here, you may still want to go for it. In any case, asking them out over text is a good laid-back, low-stakes way to do it.[15] You might say:
    • “So, should we do that again next week? We already grabbed dinner, how about a movie?”
    • “Hey, I had an awesome time last Friday and I’ve loved chatting this week. Any interest in meeting up for round two next Saturday?”
    • “Hi! No pressure or anything, but want to hang out tomorrow?”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 636 wikiHow readers, and 52% of them agreed that they decide how long to wait between the first and second dates based on the level of connection and chemistry they feel on the first date. [Take Poll]


How Do You Text Someone After A First Date?


Join the Discussion...

WikiToadDiver848
27
I went on a date with this really awesome girl and I’m super into her. Things went really well and the vibes were immaculate. We even kissed be... Read More
WikiSalamanderFlyer757
If the vibes were truly immaculate, I think you’re good to reach out now—especially if 24 hours have passed since the date. When the spark is... Read More
WikiAntelopeWatcher458
You probably won't find this answer super helpful but there aren't any hard and fast rules for when you should set up another date with someone.... Read More

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  • Question
    So this girl I went out once with and now have been chatting regularly has left me without response like twice. Should I give it another try or just call it by now?
    Catlady69
    Catlady69
    Community Answer
    It depends on how long it has been since the no responses. If she doesn't respond for a week, you may want to call it, but there are other factors too, like if she was busy, lost her phone, didn't get the text, etc. All in all, it's your decision, but try to make an educated one.
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Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about first dates, check out our in-depth interview with John Keegan.

References

  1. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22628326/texting-after-first-date/
  2. https://www.regain.us/advice/dating/four-signs-he-is-interested-in-you-after-first-date/
  3. Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
  4. https://www.elle.com/culture/a23602137/three-day-text-call-rule-dead/
  5. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22628326/texting-after-first-date/
  6. Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  7. Cher Gopman. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
  8. Joshua Pompey. Relationship Expert. Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.
  9. https://wendynewman.medium.com/how-much-is-too-much-or-not-enough-texting-when-youre-newly-dating-da33e8b631b2
  1. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
  2. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22628326/texting-after-first-date/
  3. Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
  4. Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
  5. John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
  6. https://www.thelist.com/56472/texts-send-first-date/

About This Article

John Keegan
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 303,976 times.
9 votes - 67%
Co-authors: 5
Updated: September 27, 2024
Views: 303,976
Categories: Relationships
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 303,976 times.

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