How to Learn the Art of Seduction

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: August 16, 2024 References

Are you tired of chasing the opposite sex? Do you want to turn the tables and have them chasing you instead? With a little practice, it's easy to master the art of seduction. A little confidence and playfulness may be all it takes.

Steps

1
Stop being needy. Neediness and seduction are mutually exclusive. The more desperate you are, the less attracted they will be. The very last thing you want to do is make the person feel pressured. If you want to seduce someone who's quite independent, you may also benefit from learning how to tame a free spirit.
- Even if you feel neediness coming on, don't give in. Think of it this way: Your needs will be met at some point down the line, but maybe not now. Delayed gratification.
- Get a devil-may-care attitude when you're seducing that special someone. Be, within reason, a little bit reckless: Do something a little risque or unexpected to keep them guessing. Maybe go out to the beach in the middle of the night. Maybe go on an unannounced trip for a couple of days. Try to cultivate a little bit of mystery.
2
Relax. The more comfortable you feel, the more comfortable the other person will feel around you, and the more receptive they'll be to your affection.
- Walk somewhere close instead of driving. Even just 10 minutes of physical activity can reduce stress and help you relax.
- Listen to music that's proven to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and fight an elevated heart rate.
- Store a golf ball underneath your desk or work area. Rub your bare feet over it for a simple but effective massage.^{[1]
  X
  Research source}
- Get a good night's rest! Sleep deprivation can mean more stress. People who sleep more usually have an easier time relaxing.
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3
Be playful. Smile. Flirt. Touch. Tease. Don't be too serious, people enjoy having a good time.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Have fun with this person. Enjoy the game.
- Studies have found that a playful attitude makes people more attractive. Playfulness in men signals non-aggression, while in women it signals youth and fertility.
- Humor, too, is another crucial aspect of your personality that plays a role in attractiveness. A study has found that women are more likely to give their phone number to men who use humor^{[3]
  X
  Research source}, while men too perceive humor as being an attractive trait in women.^{[4]
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  Research source}
- Be able to make fun of yourself. People generally don't like other people who can't take a joke or get offended when anything bad about them gets said. Don't be that person. Be able to take criticism in stride. Hey, if you dish it out to other people (and you should; playfulness is attractive) you should also be able to take it.
4
Don't be always available. People enjoy being with other people who have exciting and interesting things going on in their lives, because they feel happy at the prospect of someone like that sharing their precious time with them. So what will you achieve if you are trying to meet with them or talk to them every moment? Nothing. It's best not to overwhelm the other person with your time, and let the relationship unfold at a more measured pace.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.}
- On some occasions, if a person asks you for a date, don't immediately agree. Say you'll check your calendar first, and then agree. Even if you have nothing going on, play it cool. That way, your social appearance will be enhanced by a simple trick.
- That being said, fill your calendar with real events and real people. There's no substitute for the real thing. You'll actually be happier and feel more fulfilled if you're out and about than if you're sitting at home twiddling your thumbs.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Do I Have Rizz?

What does it mean to have a lot of rizz? “Rizz” is short for “charisma,” and it basically measures your charm and appeal—especially when it comes to flirting. So, how much rizz do you have right now? Are you a natural at chatting people up, or does your rizz game need a little work? Answer a few simple questions and find out!

1 of 12

What do you absolutely need to have rizz?

Confidence.

Witty one-liners.

Money.

Self-love.

5
Make an effective use of body language. Move confidently. Most people are not attracted to wallflowers, but to people who are sure of themselves. Don't forget to smile and, if possible, make body contact when appropriate and not intrusive.
- Use your body language to flirt. If you're not Shakespeare-skilled with words, don't fret. You can send subtle signals to people you want to attract, depending on the social situation. Don't be afraid to touch someone's arm or shoulder lightly when you're talking to them.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Physical contact by men actually increases the temperature of women, sometimes by a whole degree Celsius.^{[7]
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  Research source}
- Use eye contact to flirt. Eyes are incredibly powerful tools, so use them wisely. Lock eyes with your date when you're talking; there's nothing that screams confidence like a good look into someone's eyes. If you're using eye contact to flirt, however, don't scan the room staring at every person.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} People want to feel special, so learn to locate a few candidates and shower them with your eye-attention.
- Use suggestive messages. If you're sending notes, texts, or email back and forth, learn to communicate calmness along with a little bit of intrigue. Instead of saying "Hey, wanna grab coffee later on?" try something a bit more suggestive: "Having some cravings, and they may have to do with you. I'm in the mood for coffee, you in?"
6
Don't be a completely open book. Leave something to the imagination. You should not share everything about you with the other person: mystery is always attractive. It makes people realize they don't know the whole you, and this secrecy will give off a seductive aura.
- Resist the urge to tell this person about your entire life story, and especially your parents. Not that parents aren't great; they're just not very seductive!
- If you're being forced into telling a little bit about yourself, stick to vague bits, not specific details. You can explain where you came from, how you grew up, and what your plans were to save the world, but put it in conversation form instead of a big, long essay.
Be patient. Wait for their desire for you to catch up with your desire for them. Believe that it's only a matter of time, that they just need to discover how awesome you really are. If you don't believe that, then you can't seduce anyone. But the fact is that we naturally become attracted to anyone who we feel comfortable with, makes us laugh, and is slightly out of reach (because of the thrill of the unknown). It's human nature.

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Tips

Seduction is mostly about attitude. However, taking care of your physical side never hurt. You don't need to look as if you just came out from a fashion show, but you should always take frequent showers, wear clean clothes and smell good. Even if you meet the most charming man or woman in the world, you would most probably dump them if you can tell by the smell they haven't bathed in a week!

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Wear something nice and slightly revealing, enough to tease but not enough display the body too openly.

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Warnings

Seducing someone when they expect a relationship and you expect a one-time thing is deceptive and won't work out.

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Sometimes there's a fine line between seductive and creepy.

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