How to Make a Cheating Boyfriend Feel Bad

Co-authored by Elvina Lui, MFT

Last Updated: November 1, 2024 Fact Checked

Dealing with a cheating boyfriend can be one of the most infuriating things ever. He betrayed your trust and you may be so angry you could scream. But hold off a sec. There may be a better way to get back at him. To help you do it, we’ve put together a list of tips and strategies you can use to make your cheating boyfriend feel bad for what he did.

Things You Should Know

Tell him clearly and honestly that he hurt you. He’ll feel horrible once he realizes the damage he’s done to your feelings and your relationship.
Show him you’re upset by giving him the cold shoulder or even breaking up.
Hang out with other guys or update your look to make him jealous.
Tell people what he did when they ask why you broke up. His friends and family will likely be disappointed in him.
Focus on yourself and your happiness, and show him you’re doing better than ever without him.

1

Make him jealous with someone else.

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Go on dates and spend time with other people.^{[1]
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Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} Knowing that what he did drove you away and potentially into the arms of someone else will really make him regret it. Find someone else to hang out with. You don’t have to take anything further than just spending time with them, but who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone new!^{[2]
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- When your boyfriend hears how happy you are with someone else, he’ll know he blew it with you.

2

Act like you don’t care when you find out.

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Your indifference could actually hurt his feelings. Cheaters can oftentimes be really narcissistic and your boyfriend may expect you to blow up when you find out about his infidelity. Stay calm and composed while you plot your next move.^{[3]
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- You also don’t want him to be able make you look bad when people find out about his cheating.
- If you catch him in the act, don’t get aggressive. Just grab your stuff and go without saying a word.

3

Give him the cold shoulder.

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It could make him try to convince you that he’s sorry. If you’re willing to forgive your boyfriend, let him know that it’s not going to be easy. Make him live in the doghouse and avoid talking to or spending time around him until he manages to earn back your trust and respect, however long that is. If he’s really committed to fixing things, then he’ll do whatever it takes.^{[4]
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- Every situation is different, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything that you don’t want to do. If you feel like you want to give your boyfriend another chance, you can absolutely do that.

4

Let him know that he hurt you.

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Make him feel guilty for what he did. Speak up about how much your boyfriend’s cheating has affected you. Be direct and honest and tell him that you cared about him and what he’s done has ruined your relationship. He may really regret his actions.^{[5]
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- For instance, you could say, “I can’t believe you did this. I’m devastated. I really loved you.”
- You could also try, “How could you do this to me? To us?”

5

Leave him for good.

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Break up with him as soon as you find out. If you’re done with him, be done with it! Keep it simple and direct. Just tell him that it’s over and walk away from the relationship.^{[6]
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Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} It may kill him to know that he’s lost you.^{[7]
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- Make him understand the consequences of his actions.
- You could say, “We’re through. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
- Reader Poll: We asked 974 wikiHow readers how they would respond if they discovered their partner was cheating, and 61% of them said end the relationship immediately. [Take Poll]

6

Give him his stuff back in a box.

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Place it on his doorstep without saying a word. You likely have some of your boyfriend’s things at your place, so gather them all together in a box. Leave them on his doorstep so he’ll find it.^{[8]
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Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} The fact that you just want him out of your life without even talking to him will definitely feel hurtful.^{[9]
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- If he has some of your stuff, you can send him a text asking him to put it all in a box and leave it at your door as well.

7

Tell everyone what happened.

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He probably won’t like having people know what he did. You don’t have to protect a cheater. If someone asks you why you broke up with your boyfriend, why you’re ignoring him, or what’s going on between you two, be honest! Tell them that he cheated on you. You can also tell them what you plan to do about it if you want, but there’s no reason why you can’t speak the truth.^{[10]
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- Even if you plan on maybe forgiving him, you can make him feel bad about his actions by spreading the word so he really regrets it.

8

Update your look.

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Make him regret everything when he sees how good you look. Get some new clothes and a haircut. Change up your style and go with outfits and accessories that make you look super hot. Feel better and more confident while you get back at him at the same time—it’s a win-win!^{[11]
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- Maybe try out some tight-fitting clothes that you normally wouldn’t wear. Make him wonder why he ever took you for granted.
- Some retail therapy may make you feel less angry as well.

9

Erase him from your life entirely.

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Delete his number, unfollow him, and completely ignore him. Force him to live with the consequences of his actions without any relief from you. Cut off communication by deleting his number and not responding to any calls or texts. Remove him from your social media so he can’t see any of your stuff and you can’t see his. Deny any of his requests to communicate with you. It’ll drive him crazy and you won’t have the added stress of having to deal with him.^{[12]
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- You could even change your number so he really can’t contact you.
- You can also delete all of your pictures together from your social media so it’s like he was never even there.
- If he’s really persistent on social media, you can completely block him.
- You can even ask your friends and family to block him. He’ll feel powerless to do anything to get you back, just as he should.^{[13]
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10

Focus on making yourself happy.

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Being the best version of yourself can be the greatest revenge. Don’t let his actions keep you down. Show him that you’re better than ever by doing things that you enjoy and make you happy and healthy. When he sees how well you’re doing without him, it’ll make him regret how he treated you.^{[14]
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- Try eating healthy and exercising. Sure, it can make you look good, but it can also make you feel good, which can be really nice following a crappy relationship.
- You can also try some new things that you’ve always wanted to do. For instance, give that yoga class a try, go rock climbing, or take a cooking lesson. Do whatever you think will make you happy!

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can a relationship recover after infidelity?

Elvina Lui, MFT
Relationship Expert
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

While it is hard, many couples overcome the damage from infidelity and make their relationship stronger. The key is rebuilding trust from the rubble, for both people to keep showing each other that “you are worth this, and I believe in us”. It takes time and patience to rebuild trust. For the offender, be patient and show that you are sorry. This could take a while, but eventually your partner will heal. In their pain, your partner will appear angry at times and sad at times, sometimes they might seem back to normal but then go back to being angry. Please be patient. They are acting this way because you hurt them, and you have the power to help them heal faster by being loving and patient. Your efforts of being humble and loving, to be giving and understanding, this creates the best environment for their wound to heal.

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Question

How can I let him know that he really hurt me without saying a word?

Ghostwriter2011

Community Answer

Ignore him. Don't talk to him, block his number and break up with him. If you give him a cold shoulder, it will show him that he did something wrong.

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Question

My boyfriend and I were long distance. He cheated on me for 3 days, then told me and left me for her. She knows I exist. He let her manipulate him. Will he regret it and come back to me?

Ghostwriter2011

Community Answer

Even if he does come back and says he's sorry, you should break up with him. Tell him how much he hurt you.

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Tips

If you do want to try to fix things and work through it with your boyfriend, consider going to a therapist who specializes in couple’s counseling. They may be able to help.^{[15]
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If your boyfriend cheated on you with someone who didn’t know he had a partner, you could also contact them to let them know, which could also be a good way to get back at him.

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Warnings

Don’t break anything, try to physically harm him, or take anything that he could use to accuse you of stealing. Avoid giving him the opportunity to get back at you in any way.^{[16]
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