This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
There are 18 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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You and your partner may know how to have fun in the moment, but it might not be so easy to know how to act in the post-coital afterglow. Things often feel right in the moment, but once it’s time to wind down, the anxieties can get going. The time after sex don’t have to be a puzzle, though—it’s best to be yourself and go with what feels right. We’ve put together a simple playbook for how to stay cool in both the moments and the morning after, as well as how to stay healthy while you have fun.
What to Do After Sex
- Cuddle with your partner in comfortable silence when you finish.
- Let a conversation come up when it feels right and natural.
- Talk openly about getting home or spending the night together.
- Use the restroom and bathe to reduce the risk of infections.
- Take a mental inventory to help sort your emotions.
- Communicate clearly with your partner about what you both want from the relationship.
Steps
Community Q&A
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QuestionWhy does my boyfriend always leave the room to answer a phone call? He especially does that in the middle of sex. I just want him to focus on me!CurtMCommunity AnswerHe probably doesn't realize his behavior is causing an issue. Talk to him and let him know that his blatant lack of attention hurts your feelings. If he understands that what he's doing is having a disruptive effect on your sex life, he'll begin acting more conscientiously.
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QuestionIf you have been intmate with a guy the first time, is it best to wait for him to call you, if he seems interested in you?CurtMCommunity AnswerThere are no rules. If you like this guy, call him! You don't have to wait for him to reach out to you. Start off the conversation casually and keep a friendly tone. Eventually, you can get around to discussing the previous night and how much you enjoyed it.
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QuestionIf she seems uncomfortable after the event, (even if she allowed it!) what do you do?CurtMCommunity AnswerThis is actually pretty normal. Some people experience a sort of emotional distance after sex, and may seem cold or withdrawn. Just give her some time--it will usually pass. If she still seems uncomfortable after a little while, ask her if there's anything she'd like to talk about or something you can do to make her feel better.
Video
Tips
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Be sure to disclose any sensitive sexual health information up front to keep your partner safe and to avoid conflict.Thanks
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There’s no playbook for how to act after sex. Many different websites, movies, and so-called “experts” will try to tell you the right things to say or do in order to promote a certain image, but the best thing you can do is just be yourself.Thanks
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Discuss your expectations with someone before you have sex with them to avoid any awkward or hurtful realizations later on.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
- Always have your partner's full, exclusive consent. Remember that just because you had sex one night, it doesn't automatically mean they're always up for it again later.
- Talk with your partner about what you liked and what they liked about the experience so you know what to do if you get together again.
Warnings
- Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip. Making demands, expecting special treatment, or guilting your partner into doing what you want just cheapens the act and can eventually lead to the ruin of the relationship.Thanks
- Keep the particulars of your time together to yourself. Bragging about your conquests can damage your partner’s trust or give people the wrong impression about them.Thanks
- Resist the urge to smoke after a tumble in the sheets, unless you go together. It’s a habit that’s considered a turnoff for many.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.thecouplescenter.org/appreciating-your-partner-starts-here-and-now/
- ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2018/february/affection
- ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/cuddle-and-hug-your-way-to-better-health
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/5-easy-ways-to-communicate-better-in-your-relationships/
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/uti-after-sex
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/dating-basics-for-healthy-relationships/intimate-relationships/
- ↑ https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/from-hot-to-cold-the-hidden-health-benefits-of-bathing
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/urinary-tract-infections#:~:text=Tight%20clothes%20and%20nylon%20underwear,small%20doses%20of%20regular%20antibiotics
- ↑ https://www.burnettfoundation.org.nz/articles/sex/cleaning-your-toys/
- ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/Choose-Water-for-Healthy-Hydration.aspx
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/relationship-help
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30040588/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/sex/feeling-sad-after-sex-postcoital-dysphoria-symptoms
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/health-and-wellness/wellness-visit
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/love-digitally/201806/why-do-we-flirt-text
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201404/after-one-night-stand-what-comes-next
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318184933_Staying_friends_with_ex-romantic_partners_Predictors_reasons_and_outcomes_Friendship_with_ex-romantic_partners
About This Article
Deciding how to behave after sex can be hard, but it’s best to just listen to your own feelings about the situation. If you want to stay close to your partner, cuddle them to continue the intimacy. Remember there is no need to say something after sex, so you can just relax in silence with your partner and enjoy your closeness. Deciding to stay the night with your partner can be another good idea, since it shows you respect their company. If you’re having mixed feelings following sex, you can take a step back by saying you have to do something else so you have time to think about your feelings. For example, you might call a friend or take a walk. For tips on how to behave towards someone the morning after you've had sex, keep reading!
Reader Success Stories
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"This article helped me to know what to do after me and my partner have had our intimate moment, also how to show our love to each other after that special moment and keep our connection."..." more