What's it like being in a relationship with someone with avoidant attachment?
My partner and I have started to take our relationship a bit more seriously recently and it's been going well. Recently, my partner's therapist told them that they have an avoidant attachment style, and they asked if I noticed any of the traits. This honestly was the first time I've heard of it at all, so I wasn't sure. Is it good? Bad? What should I be looking out for in our relationship?
People with an avoidant attachment style are trying to minimize their own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. So they are not really all that dialed in to understand emotions. And a lot of this, of course, comes from the modeling they got from how they were raised, so it's not really something that they did on purpose. It's kind of what they saw their parents doing, and so they thought that's probably what they should do as well.
When you have a fearful avoidant style, their thoughts may be "I'm not capable," "others aren't dependable," and "the world is a hazardous place." So people can struggle to know where to go to get support when they need it.
When you have a fearful avoidant style, their thoughts may be "I'm not capable," "others aren't dependable," and "the world is a hazardous place." So people can struggle to know where to go to get support when they need it.
Sometimes people with avoidant attachment styles can have trouble with emotional intimacy because they're not used to their emotional needs being reliably met. My ex had an avoidant attachment style and it made him staunchly independent. It was hard for him to reach out to me for help. It was frustrating to see him struggle and refuse my support.
My girlfriend has an avoidant attachment style and the way it manifests in her is people pleasing tendencies. Her attachment style makes her afraid of abandonment so when we first started dating she was always trying to say and do what she thought I wanted her to say or do. It took a lot of reassurance for her to understand that I loved her for who she was, not what she could do for me.
My experience with people who have an avoidant attachment style has not been great. The guy I dated would skirt around any difficult conversations and felt emotionally distant. I broke it off pretty quickly
It's a bit of a nightmare to be with an avoidant. My 9 yr gf just walked out after what I considered to be a wonderful relationship. No explanation, just said we were nothing but a hook up and left. She was unemotional, like a robot. Stay away from these people.
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