How to Get a Shy Guy to Make a Move

Written by John Keegan | Edited by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: July 5, 2024 References

If you’re interested in a new guy but he’s really shy, getting him to make the first move can be tough. Fortunately, there are a few ways you can make him feel comfortable enough to lean in and plant one on you. Keep reading to learn how you can send the signal that you’re ready to kiss and (hopefully) land the guy of your dreams.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Send him a few flirty text messages.

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Get him thinking about making a move before you’re together. Send him a message about how you can’t stop thinking about him or that you wish you could kiss him right now. It will help him be more confident around you in person, and he might just gather the courage to make a move on you.^{[1]
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- Say something like, “Wish you were here right now,” “Can’t stop thinking about you,” “I wish I could kiss you right now.”

2

Make a lot of eye contact with him.

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Send him a signal by catching his eye a lot. When you two talk, look into his eyes as you chat. If you’re walking around, keep your head turned toward his as much as you can. The more eye contact you can make, the more he’ll understand that you’re interested.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- You can also make eye contact with him from across the room.

3

Look away, then glance back at him.

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It’s a flirty gesture that can send him a signal. If you two are talking, glance away really quickly, then look back at him. When you do, be sure to make eye contact.^{[3]
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- To make this even more flirty, bite your lower lip when you look back at him.

4

Smile at him.

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Lots of smiling will send the signal that you like him. Plus, it draws attention to your lips! You don’t have to force it, but try to make sure he knows you enjoy his company. You can also do this by laughing at his jokes.^{[4]
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- Try putting on lip balm or Chapstick to draw even more attention to your mouth area.

5

Turn your body toward his.

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Your body language can send a pretty clear signal. If you two are sitting down, angle your body so that your torso and your legs face him. If you two are standing up, try to turn inwards slightly so you’re facing him a little more. It’s not a huge gesture, but he’ll pick up on it subconsciously.^{[5]
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- If you’re walking around, this might be a little harder. Just try to glance at him a lot, and stand close to him if you can.

6

Touch his hand or his arm.

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Break the touch barrier first so he doesn’t have to. If you’re laughing at a joke, touch him on the upper arm. If he just told you a sweet story, grab his hand briefly. The more you can touch him, the better he’ll feel about making a move on you.^{[6]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- You could also try giving him a hug or rubbing his back.
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Don't be afraid to make the first move. A playful touch on the arm or a gentle brush of hands can create a spark. Be respectful and always read your date's body language.

7

Hold his hand.

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It’s a clear signal that you like him and you want to be close to him. Place your hand near his, then gently reach out and grab it. Try to hold hands as much as possible during your time together so he understands that he should make a move.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- If you aren’t sure how to hold his hand, suggest having an arm wrestle or a thumb war. It’s a cute, flirty way to initiate physical contact.

8

Flirt with him.

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Tell him how cute and funny you think he is. With shy guys, you might have to lay it on a little thick, so don’t be afraid to go overboard. Give him a few compliments and tell him how much you like hanging out with him.^{[8]
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- Say something like, “You’re so cute. Your hair looks amazing today.”
- Or, “I love hanging out with you, you always know how to make me laugh.”

9

Try not to talk about how shy he is.

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He might clam up or get embarrassed if you do. Since he's shy, just give him a little time to get comfortable. He’ll probably feel more secure as you two get to know each other better. Speak calmly, take lots of pauses, and don’t ask him a ton of questions—that can make him feel like he’s being attacked.^{[9]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- The same thing goes if you think he’s inexperienced. Bringing attention to it will most likely make him feel worse, and he’ll probably get more nervous about making a move.^{[10]
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10

Pause when saying goodbye.

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Most guys know that saying goodbye is their time to make a move. If you two are parting ways, tell him goodbye, but don’t walk away just yet. Keep making eye contact with him, and reach out for his hands if you can.^{[11]
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- If he drove you back to your place, don’t get out of the car just yet.

11

Make the first move yourself.

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When all else fails, just go for it! Some guys are so shy that they won’t make the first move, even if you send signals loud and clear. If you’re having a good time and you’ve both been flirty all night, feel free to make the first move yourself.^{[12]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- Shy guys usually appreciate having someone make the first move. It takes the pressure off them, and they might feel more confident when they see you again.

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Tips

Shy guys aren’t great at picking up hints. Don’t be afraid to go a little overboard with flirting, eye contact, and physical touch.

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