This article was co-authored by Eddy Baller. Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.
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There are perhaps a few things more magical than a perfectly executed kiss. Conversely, there are perhaps few things less appealing than a slobbery, sticky, choppy kiss. While mastering the make out takes a lot of practice with the right person, there are several approaches you can take to becoming a better kisser. Follow the suggestions below to learn about the basic techniques associated with an awesome smooch and find out how you can step up your kissing game.
Steps
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Take the slow approach. Lean in slowly for the kiss to build dramatic anticipation. The more excited you and your partner are for a kiss to commence, the more intense it will be when you finally connect your lips.[1]
- Start off with small pecks and build up to bigger and more intense kissing. By starting small you can slowly ease into an intimate act with your partner.
- Take breaks between kissing your partner to look at one another without touching lips. You can leave your hands on your partner's hips, shoulders, or run your hands across your partner's face in smooth caresses. By staring into your partner's eyes, you can show him/her that you are truly absorbed in them as a unique person.[2]
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Leave the slobbering to your dog. There's nothing worse than a slobbery kiss. Just nothing. Other than making you appear to have no idea what you're doing, nobody wants to have your spit all over their face. Well, maybe just a little bit of spit.[3]
- Avoid opening your mouth too wide. A wide-mouthed approach can cause you to lose a ridiculous amount of saliva to your partner's precious face.
- Swallow often. Don't forget to swallow your excess saliva while kissing. Your spit has to go somewhere, just don't make it your partner's face.
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Keep your lips gently pursed. You want your lips to be in a nice plump purse, but avoid pursing your lips too tightly. If you tighten your lips together too strongly in a protruding kissy face, your lips will lose their plumpness and will not be as luscious for kissing.(Ladies: this is the same kissy face you make when putting on your lipstick!)
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Tilt your head slightly to one side or the other. Most right-handed people will feel more natural tilting their head to the right, and left-handed people will prefer to tilt left. The important thing is that you and your partner are tilting the same direction (i.e. both to the right or both to the left), which will create a mirror-effect and allow you to lock lips.[4]
- Transition smoothly between tilting your head to the right and the left. You can make your kissing game more interesting by changing up movements from side to side every few kisses. The transition should come at the end of a kiss and the beginning of another.
- Don't move your head from side to side too frequently. Doing so can create sloppy rhythm and can become uncomfortable for both people involved.
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Use your tongue to French kiss. Slowly and lightly sweep your tongue along your partner's lower lip, tongue, and gums. Start off very gently and slowly increase in pressure and pace as your partner starts to return the tongue action.[5]
- Don't stick your entire tongue in your partner's mouth, you really only need to use about the front third of your tongue. Use quick, sweeping motions and make sure that your tongue is constantly moving. Letting your tongue fall limp in your partner's mouth is not sexy.
- This is where it can really get slobbery. Make sure to swallow often to avoid allowing too much saliva to build up in your mouth and spill over into your partner's mouth. There is a fine line between sexy and slobbery. Try not to cross it.
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Break up the kissing with romantic stares. Pull your lips apart every once in a while to put some space between you and your partner and gaze into each other's eyes. Taking a break can make your kissing all the more intense once you reconnect. Plus, there's no better way to show someone you are truly paying attention to them than by staring sweetly into their eyes.
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Be creative. Try different gentle nibbling/sucking/kissing/tongue combinations to keep it fresh and exciting.
- Give the "lip-o-suction" move a try. Kiss your partner's upper lip while your partner nibbles and sucks on your lower lip, then switch.[6]
- Interrupt your kissing with small bites and nibbles. A sensual nibble on your partner's bottom lip can break up with rhythm of lip kissing in a good way. Be careful not to bite your partner's lip too hard, you're not trying to eat your partner's face.
- Mix in small pecks with larger, more passionate kisses. Doing so adds variety and allows you to take breaks in between intense make-out sessions.
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Pay attention to your partner's body language. Kissing isn't just about paying attention to what you and your partner's lips are doing. Your whole body should be involved in the act of making out to achieve the most sensual and pleasurable experience possible. The way your partner moves the rest of his/her body while you are kissing can tell you a lot about how they are feeling and what they think about your performance.[7]
- Positive signs to look for: Your partner pulling you closer, squeezing you with his/her hands, kissing and caressing with a sense of intense urgency, breaking into random smiles or giggles, or frequent sighing. If you notice that your partner reacts in a particularly positive way to certain actions, be sure to take note. Your partner will appreciate your attentiveness and definitely recognize that you are making an impressive effort to understand what makes them feel the best.
- Negative signs to look for: Your partner pulling away, pushing your shoulder away, not touching you at all with his/her hands, barely moving his/her lips, or trying to close his/her lips as much as possible to force you to stop.
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Caress your partner's neck, ears, and face. A mini massage of these sensitive areas can be extremely arousing. Lightly run your fingers and gently run your thumb in a sweeping motion over these areas.
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Grab your partner's arms, shoulders and back. You can be a little more rough with these areas. A tight squeeze of your partner can send chills throughout their body. If you're feeling particularly sassy, give your partner a little butt squeeze. You'll be able to tell where they like to be touched by their body language.
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Place your hands on your partner's shoulders or around his/her waist. Move your fingers and/or thumb gently back and forth in a swaying motion to sweetly show your partner that you're there.[8]
- While women generally put their hands on a man's shoulders and men generally wrap their arms around a woman's waist, your position will more practically depend on the height difference between you and your partner.
- That being said, the placement isn't really important, the recognition of each other is what counts.
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Take your index finger or thumb and use it to lift up your partner's chin as you look into his/her eyes. Then go in for the kiss. This slight moment of visual recognition coupled with a light touch can be subtly pleasant.
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Gently pull on your partner's hair by running your fingers through the hair on the back of his/her head just above the neck. These gentle pulls really say "I want you."
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Stay hydrated. A dry mouth can lead to bad breath and sticky lips. Make sure to drink enough fluids daily to ensure that your lips are smooth and your breath is kissable.[9]
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Avoid trigger foods and drinks that cause especially bad breath. More importantly, don't take your partner on a date to a restaurant that serves bad breath-inducing foods. Some common trigger foods are:
- Garlic.
- Onions.
- Tuna or sardines.
- Spicy foods.
- Coffee.
- Alcohol.[10]
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Brush and floss your teeth twice daily. While this tip may be a given for most, there are some people who neglect to accept the basic premises of good hygiene. Make sure to brush and floss twice daily to remove any bacteria build up in your mouth. Bacteria causes bad breath. Rinse with mouthwash for an added boost of freshness.
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Have a mint or chew some gum. Especially after consuming any food, make sure to pop a mint or chew some gum before kissing someone. If you choose to chew gum, make sure to spit it out before you start kissing. Your partner doesn't want to eat your leftover gum, and gum can also cause you to choke while kissing.
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Apply lip balm several times per day. Lip balms, especially products containing shea butter or various hydrating oils, are great for treating dry lips. Even if you generally don't have an issue with dry lips, lip balm can still make your lips even more kissable.
- Though they may taste good, avoid lip balms with artificial scents, flavors, and/or colors. These additives can actually be drying to your lips.
- Common natural lip balm brands include: Burt's Bees, Carmex, Chapstick, C.O. Bigelow, Nivea, Softlips, EOS, and Banana Boat.
- Right before you kiss your partner, apply a menthol-based lip balm. Menthol activates your body's cold receptors, and when you make contact with your partner, you and your partner will feel tingling sensations throughout your bodies.[11]
- Wear lip balm with at least SPF 15 when outdoors in order to protect your lips from harmful UV rays.
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Wear an exfoliating scrub once per week. You can make an exfoliating scrub for your lips using a sugar or brown sugar base and a liquid addition. Olive oil, coconut oil, and honey all work well as additions to a sugar scrub.[12]
- You can apply a generous coating to your lips and rub it in small circles using a toothbrush for extra exfoliation.
- Be sure not to scrub too hard, you just want to remove the dead skin, not make your skin raw.
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Eat a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Vitamins B, C, and Omega-3 fatty acids are extremely healthy for your skin. Make sure you are getting enough of these essential vitamins to keep your lips plump and soft.[13]
Avoid Awkward Kisses with this Expert Series
Expert Q&A
Video
Reader Videos
Tips
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Focus on the moment. Don't let your thoughts wander as you kiss.Thanks
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Keep your eyes closed while kissing. Open eyes can be creepy.Thanks
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Don't put on lipstick right before you kiss a man. Men generally don't like lipstick smeared all over their face.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
- Use your hands! One of the worst things you can do when you're kissing is to just sit still or keep your arms at your sides. Run your fingers through your partner's hair, hold them at the small of their back, or playfully touch their neck.
- There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking for feedback. If you and your partner have a good rapport and your skin is thick enough to take a bit of feedback from them, ask them what they think you should do differently.
- If you're shy, close your eyes. Focus only on the sensation of the kiss and ignore everything else going on around you. You'll have a much easier time being a good kisser if you aren't distracted by other stuff.
Warnings
- Don't open your mouth too wide.Thanks
- Don't breathe through your mouth while kissing, opt for your nose instead.Thanks
- Just be careful about using your whole body when kissing someone, things can escalate quite quickly into something sexual. If you are prepared to do that, then make sure you take necessary precautions.Thanks
- Don't pick a restaurant with spicy or stinky food for a date if you plan to kiss your date.Thanks
- Don't bite or grab your partner too tightly when you are kissing. This can be a turn off, and it can hurt!Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/advice/a9171/how-to-kiss-well/
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/the-guyliner/tips-on-kissing_b_4108606.html
- ↑ https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/how-to-kiss-well
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/the-perfect-french-kiss-how-mu
- ↑ http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/kissing-tips?cat=21169
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/237_love_tip.html
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/features/bad-breath-good-and-bad-foods
- ↑ http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/kissing-tips?cat=21169&tip=21172
- ↑ https://www.vogue.com.au/beauty/skin/how-to-properly-exfoliate-your-lips/news-story/8fda5c0c756db858d2df52f4b59cc7e7
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/acne/features/skin-foods
About This Article
While mastering the makeout takes practice, there are a few simple steps you can take right now to improve your kissing. Lean in slowly and start with a few small pecks, building up to bigger and more intense kisses. Keep your lips gently pursed so they’re nice and plump for more luscious kisses. If you want to French kiss, slowly and lightly sweep your tongue along your partner's lower lip, tongue, and gums. Avoid slobbering on your partner by swallowing often and not opening your mouth too wide. While kissing, caress your partner’s neck, ears, and face or hold them around the waist. To learn how to avoid bad breath before a kissing session, keep reading!
Reader Success Stories
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"I had my first kiss yesterday. I felt really awkward and thought I wasn't doing it right. Turns out I just psyched myself out. This article really made me feel better about it."..." more