How to Make a Player Fall in Love

Co-authored by Patti Novak Williams

Last Updated: June 28, 2024 References

Some guys have a reputation as a player, someone who will never settle down, and only wants to play the field. While you can't change someone's behavior, you can give someone a reason to want to stick around. The best thing you can do if you want to get a player to fall for you is respect yourself and refuse to play his games. Make him appreciate you by setting standards for yourself. Use positive reinforcement to make him see what you're worth.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting His Attention

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1
Be on guard. If you've fallen for a player it's likely that he's already talked to you and made you feel special. That's what players do, and chances are you are not the only girl he's talking to.^{[1]
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- A player will try to impress you with his outward appearance, his ego, and his money. Take some time to try and get to know him on a more personal level.^{[2]
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2
Send him a drink. Whether you are at a coffee shop or a bar, try sending a drink to his table. Make sure he knows you sent the drink over. The idea is to get him to approach you.^{[3]
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- When he walks over to thank you for the drink, use the opportunity to strike up a conversation.^{[4]
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- Don't let him make the conversation about sex. Try to talk to him about his friends, or what he likes to do. Pay attention to what he says, and be wary if he starts to lead the conversation in the wrong direction.^{[5]
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3
Be direct. Rather than asking questions, speak in sentences. Tell him what you should do. Don't ask him if he wants to join you, tell him what you should do together.
- If you know he is free on a certain night of the week, make a suggestion that the two of you go out. Try telling him something like, "We should go get a bite to eat, or maybe grab a drink." Keep it casual, and take the pressure off the situation.
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Lure him in using an extra ticket. Buy two tickets to a concert or a movie, and mention it when you talk to him. Say something like, "I was supposed to go see this band on Saturday with my friend, but she can't go anymore. You interested?"
- Be careful taking a player into crowded spaces, especially bars. Just because he came with you doesn't mean he won't be talking to other women.
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Make him ask you out. If you're just not up to the task of asking him out, drop a few hints to let him know you'd like to spend more time together. Mention a movie you've been wanting to see, or a club you've been wanting to go to.^{[6]
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- Don't be too obvious about it. Let him think it was his idea all along.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making Him Chase You

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Don't make him a priority. When a player calls to make plans, don't drop everything you're doing just for him. If you have plans, don't cancel them.^{[7]
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- Let him know that you've got a life outside of him, and that you're going to spend time with your friends. If you cancel on your friends to hang out with him, he'll feel like he already has you, and he may soon lose interest.^{[8]
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Make him wait. A player will want to get you to the bedroom sooner rather than later. For him, interacting with women is about one thing, and one thing only. Don't give him what he wants if you want him to stick around. Make him work for it.
- If you're making out, and he says wants to take things further, don't let him. Tell him something like, "I'm not going to sleep with you tonight, but I had fun with you. Call me sometime." Then, give him a smile, or a wink, and just walk away. Leave him wanting only you.
- Don't sleep with him until you are completely sure you are ready to take that step with him. Keep in mind that even if you make him wait, he may see you as just another sexual conquest. Players are not likely to quit being players until they are ready.^{[9]
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Set standards. If you want a player to think you have value, then you need to believe you have value. Respect yourself and let him know you're worth it.
- Don't just hang out with him late at night when he calls. The next time he calls you late at night, tell him he'd have better luck if he called you during the day. When he calls you during the day, keep your word.
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Back off a little. If you've spent a few nights in a row together, take a break from hanging out. You may not want to. You may feel like things are going to work out for the best if you just keep spending time together. This is rarely the case. You want him to miss you when you aren't around.^{[10]
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- Don't become so focused on spending time with him that you stop paying attention to the rest of your life.
- You don't have to start ignoring him, but you should give him something to look forward to.^{[11]
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Let him do his own thing. This may sound dangerous, given the reputation players have, but it's necessary. You might feel like you need to frequently check up on a player to make sure he isn't going behind your back. Ignore that urge.^{[12]
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- If you start calling him a lot, or trying to occupy every minute of his time, you will only succeed in pushing him away. He'll start to view you as "clingy" or "needy." If you want him to chase you, you have to give him the space to do so.^{[13]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting Him to Settle Down

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Don't pressure him. Some guys, especially those labeled as players, don't want to feel pressured into commitment. Don't try to convince your guy to take things to the next level.
- Pressuring your guy to commit puts you in a vulnerable position and gives him all the power in the relationship. If you want him to settle down, there needs to be a balance of power.
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Ask to meet his friends. If you haven't met his friends, you need to. Plan a party and ask your player to invite his friends. If his friends show up, respect them. If they don't show up, your player probably isn't thinking about getting into a long term relationship with you.^{[14]
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- Take the time to get to know his friends. Keep an open mind and show an interest in them.^{[15]
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- If you find out you don't like his friends, but he insists on spending all his time with them, drop a hint that you need some attention. Don't force him to make a choice, but be clear with your needs.^{[16]
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Remind him what you're worth. If you want your guy to settle down with you, he needs to want to settle down with you. He should genuinely enjoy spending time with you, and should want to be around you. And you should do what you can to make him feel this way.^{[17]
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- This doesn't mean you need to spend all your time and energy trying to please him. But you should put your best foot forward and make him realize how good you are.
4
Don't talk about the relationship. Talking about the status of the relationship may actually ruin it. Instead of worrying about whether he will commit to you, focus on having fun together.
- Keep doing the things you did when you first started hanging out. Don't assume that once you've asked him out, you're finished. Keep trying to entertain each other. The more positive experiences you can create, the more likely it is he'll want to stick around.
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Have fun. Rather than focus on ways to get a player to settle down, focus on making new, positive experiences. Do things together. Go to shows, play games, and goof off. Don't make everything serious. Show him what it's like to be in a fulfilling relationship, and maybe he'll want to stay.
- Don't plan everything in advance. Try to be spontaneous with your activities. If something comes up and you both want to do it, then go do it. You'll both have fun, and he'll see that he can still have an exciting life without having to be a player.

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You can't change a player if a player doesn't want to be changed. The only way some men will decide to change their ways is if living as a player no longer works for them. You might be successful in convincing a player to fall in love with you, but don't be surprised if he decides to move on.^{[18]
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