This article was co-authored by Amiccio and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Amiccio is a Social Events organization based in New York, New York. Amiccio hosts social events to help people make new connections, whether they are new to the city, or just wish to expand beyond their existing social network. Amiccio’s efforts focus on connecting singles and new friends by hosting socials, dance classes, and speed dating events.
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Some people can carry on a conversation with ease, but for others, chatting doesn’t come as naturally. When you’re interacting with someone shy or who you don’t know very well, how do you keep the convo alive? This article is for you: whether you’re at a work function, at school, or at a dinner party, we’ve got all the tips you need to chat with someone who doesn’t carry the conversation, from initiating the interaction to getting them to open up. Keep reading to learn more!
Things You Should Know
- When talking to someone who doesn’t carry a conversation, try to stick to topics common to you both, such as mutual friends or the event you’re both at.
- Ask open-ended questions to draw them out—for instance, instead of, “Did you have a nice weekend?” ask, “What did you do over the weekend?”
- Once you do get them to open up, be sure to listen attentively to what they have to say to encourage them to carry the conversation with you.
Steps
Community Q&A
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QuestionI'm always the one carrying the conversation with this one friend. I feel weird that she doesn't ask me any questions. What should I do?Community AnswerTry holding back slightly when speaking with her. Be polite and give her the opportunity to either carry the conversation or navigate the conversation to something she is more interested in.
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QuestionHow do I talk to someone I like, but don't talk to? And they seem really shy/uninterested?Community AnswerBegin by saying "hi" or by greeting them in a polite manner, then ask them questions that reveal more things about them. This will make them open up to you. Do not sound really clingy or intrusive, make the conversation sound as if it is coming out naturally.
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QuestionWhat can I say to a person who will not respond to me due to the fact that they are mad at me?Community AnswerSincerely apologize for your actions, and give that person time to process their feelings.
Video
Tips
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Avoid saying things like, “Well aren’t you quiet!” or “I don't bite!” when speaking with someone who is a reluctant conversationalist. It may make them feel a little awkward, or even insulted.Thanks
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Some people might just not be in the mood to chat, and that’s OK. If the person still isn't interested after you've made a few attempts to engage them, gracefully push off with a “Nice to see you” or an “I'm sorry I caught you at a bad time.”Thanks
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Try to avoid interrupting a person when they are talking. It could make it seem like you want to carry the conversation on your own and may deter the other person from participating.Thanks
Expert Interview
References
- ↑ Amiccio. Social Events Host. Expert Interview. 15 July 2022.
- ↑ https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/17/avoid-these-mistakes-if-you-want-to-be-good-at-small-talk-says-public-speaking-expert.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202301/how-expressing-authentic-admiration-changes-relationships
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_laughter_brings_us_together
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/09/how-to-make-a-great-first-impression
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes
- ↑ https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/mirroring.html
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/conversations
- ↑ Amiccio. Social Events Host. Expert Interview. 15 July 2022.
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
About This Article
It can be frustrating to talk to someone who doesn’t carry the conversation, but you can make it work by choosing topics that the person can relate to and asking open-ended questions. Once you’ve introduced yourself, steer the conversation towards things you have in common, such as the event you’re attending or the neighborhood you’re in. You can say something like, “I’ve always been interested in marketing. What brings you to this event?” As you make small talk, try your best to ask open-ended questions instead of questions that can be answered with a “Yes” or “No”. That way, you’ll encourage them to participate more in the conversation. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a nice weekend?” try saying, “What did you do this weekend?” Whatever you choose to talk about, just make sure to avoid sensitive topics like religion, politics, and money, since these can make people uncomfortable. To learn how to use your body language to keep the conversation going, read on!
Reader Success Stories
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"Helpful, down-to-earth suggestions to help make for smoother, more comfortable communications in almost every setting. Much help to many, I would think."..." more