Being the Little Spoon While Cuddling: Is It Better Than the Big Spoon?

Spooning is a cuddling style where two partners lie on their side and face the same direction, and is one of the most rewarding and affectionate things you can do with a partner. We’re here to talk about cuddling, including what your spoon position says about you, the benefits of spooning, different ways to spoon, and some common myths that need busting.

All About the Little Spoon

The little spoon is the partner who gets hugged from behind when spooning.
Being the little spoon may mean you like to get attention more than give it, value safety and security, and are more hands-off with affection.
Being the little spoon can reduce stress, boost your mood, and help you grow closer to your partner, both physically and emotionally.

Section 1 of 8:

What is the little spoon?

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The little spoon is the person who faces away from their partner. “Spooning” is a way of cuddling, where two partners lie on their sides and face the same direction. The little spoon gets held from behind, while the big spoon does the holding.^{[1]
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- The big spoon’s arms often go around the little spoon’s waist, and under the little spoon’s neck or head, but this is a matter of preference.
- Spooning is most often romantic, but can sometimes be platonic.

Section 2 of 8:

Is it better to be the little or big spoon?

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Your spooning position is entirely up to you and your own personal preferences, and neither position is better than the other. Usually, the smaller person is the little spoon, but not always. Either way, both partners reap the physical and emotional benefits, no matter which spoon they are.

Section 3 of 8:

What does being the little spoon say about you?

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Sure, spooning is a two-way street of giving affection, but let’s be honest, it’s all about the little spoon. As the little spoon, you feel like you’re the big spoon’s entire world as they wrap themself around you, and you love the feeling of being someone’s most important person in those moments.
The little spoon is the receiver of the bear hug, the cozy little duckie in the warm, soft egg. After a long day, you just want to lie down with someone you love and let them block the world out for you, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Everyone needs to be the little spoon now and then.
The little spoon’s job is just to lie there and bask in the affection. Sure, you might have to shift every now and then to get comfy, but for the most part, it’s really the big spoon doing most of the work (“work” just being a big, soft hug). As the little spoon, you’d rather have your hands free. Maybe you’re reading a book or scrolling your phone, or just hugging a pillow.

Section 4 of 8:

What does being the big spoon say about you?

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You’re a giver, a protector. When things get rough, you’re probably the first person to step up. That’s because you feel confident and capable, and feel that it’s your job to make people feel safe and comfortable. Your spooning partner absolutely appreciates it, and you make them feel safe and secure.
The big spoon is sort of like the “outside” of the spoon. You’ve got nobody curving around you, because it’s your job to wrap yourself around someone else. It’s a little less claustrophobic, and gives you some much-needed air on the stuffier nights.
Generally, you like to make sure everything is going smoothly, and that your partner gets to sit back and enjoy life. Or, your partner’s a little bit of a wild one, and it’s your job to reign them in and keep them grounded. That’s why you feel comfortable as the big spoon, so you can keep your arms around them without them wandering off, for once.

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Benefits of Spooning

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Spooning releases oxytocin in your brain, a powerful hormone that has many effects on your mind and body. One of those effects is stabilizing and lifting your mood.^{[2]
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Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

Go to source} The more you spoon, the more leveled-out and positive your emotions become, so spoon away!
One study found that couples who spent extra time cuddling experienced higher relationship satisfaction than couples who merely spent time together.^{[3]
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Research source} Spooning with your boo is a great way to forge a more intimate and comfortable connection, with very little effort.
That same study found that couples who spooned more often were more focused on their partner, and less prone to thinking about other people, or other relationship options.^{[4]
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Research source} By being physically close, you come to love and appreciate your partner more, and your relationship becomes more durable.
Oxytocin, the “love hormone” released during physical touches like hugging and spooning, also promotes relaxation and reduces anxiety.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source

Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

Go to source} If you’re feeling stressed after a long day, a little spooning might be all you need to get your stress levels back under control.
Another study found that people who frequently hug and touch their partners had a lower base heart rate than people who seldom hugged others.^{[6]
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Research source} That lower resting heartrate is much healthier in the long run, so don’t hesitate to do a little spooning. It’s good for you!
Oxytocin, which is released when spooning, has a way of blocking or undoing the effects of cortisol, which is a stress hormone that kicks in under pressure, but which also lowers your immune system’s guard. A little spooning can increase your oxytocin, fighting off the negative effects of cortisol and giving your immune system a much-needed boost.^{[7]
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Section 6 of 8:

Different Ways to Spoon

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Classic You know this one! You lie down and face the same way as your partner. The big spoon curls around the little spoon, with one arm over them and the other arm under their head, neck, or their pillow. Time-tested, comfortable, and super cozy.
- As the little spoon, consider hugging a pillow or a stuffed animal to feel even more secure and comfortable.
This is great for couples whose bodies might not be as “compatible” as they like. One partner, usually the big spoon, shimmies down a bit so that their stomach is about even with the little spoon’s backside. It’s also handy when the big spoon is much shorter or smaller than the little spoon.
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Slanted With this style, both partners are “slanted” a little onto their backs, which makes a more casual and open-aired position that lets one or both get a free hand to do other activities, or just get a little more air. It’s great for back sleepers, or anyone who just wants a little more freedom while they cuddle.
- You might also “slant” onto your stomachs, if you’re stomach sleepers!
- Or, one partner can slant while the other stays on their side.
Okay, so it’s not technically “spooning,” if we’re being totally strict about the definition, but it’s got the same spirit! Both partners face each other and embrace. Bonus points for tangling your legs together, or nuzzling your head into your partner’s chest to get more comfortable.
This one’s for when you need a little me-time, or just want more freedom and space in bed. Partners face away from each other while letting their backs touch. It’s a great way to get a little physical intimacy and warmth while still keeping your space, and makes sleeping much easier.

Section 7 of 8:

Can a man be a little spoon?

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Yes, plenty of men enjoy being the little spoon! Being the little spoon isn’t just the woman’s job. There are so many men out there who are full-time or part-time little spoons, for so many different reasons. Men like to be given that extra love and attention, too, and for many couples, heterosexual or otherwise, it just feels more comfortable to have the man be spooned, and doesn’t make you any less manly.
- Being the little spoon also adds some variety and excitement to cuddling, especially when the man is usually the big spoon.
- Plus, being the little spoon means no hair in your face, which is a huge win.

Section 8 of 8:

Spooning Myths

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Who takes the lead in the relationship has little, or nothing, to do with who gets to be the big spoon. Instead, it’s just a matter of practicality and emotional and physical needs. Sometimes the “dominant” person (if there is one) just feels cozier as the little spoon, or wants that extra bit of affection. Don’t read too much into it.
Sure, spooning can sometimes lead to sex, if you’re both down for that, but honestly, a lot of the time it just leads to sleep. After all, you’re snuggled up, warm, lying down… It’s hard not to get a little drowsy when you’re spooning. And that’s not to mention platonic cuddling!
It’s true that it’s often easier for the taller or larger person to be the big spoon, but that doesn’t mean they always have to be the big spoon. It’s also fun for the shorter person to be the one holding the taller person. It’s like cuddling a teddy bear that’s way bigger than you, and who doesn’t want that?