How to Show Affection to Your Wife

Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: August 9, 2024 References

Relationships are all about having a tight and strong bond with the other person, and maintaining that bond takes work from both people. Perhaps you are worried about the state of your marriage, or your wife has indicated that she wants you to be more affectionate. In any case, it is easy to show affection to your wife if you pay attention to her needs, use physical touch, and try to express how much you love her.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Paying Attention to Her Needs

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If you tend to get distracted by your phone or computer while talking, turn them off or ask to move the conversation to a different location. You can show her that you are really paying attention by getting rid of all distractions, making eye contact, and responding at the appropriate moments.
Even taking a few minutes each day to talk with your wife can strengthen your relationship.^{[1]
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Research source} By taking the time to connect, you will learn a lot about her day, her worries, or what she’s excited about or looking forward to.

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If your wife is busy with work, family, or the household she may have a long list of things that need to get done. Simply doing more to help out can make your wife feel less stressed and more open to receiving your affection.^{[2]
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Research source} Surprise her by running a load of laundry or helping the kids clear off the dinner table, so that she can have a few moments to relax.

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Lauren Urban, LCSW
Licensed Psychotherapist
Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use.

Lauren Urban, LCSW
Licensed Psychotherapist

Non-verbal gestures can be a great way to show your love. Not everyone is a natural poet when it comes to expressing love, and that's okay! It's completely fine to show your love in non-verbal ways if that's more comfortable for you.
One great way to show your wife that you love and care for her is by remembering important events. You don’t have to go all out for gifts, but remembering to acknowledge your wife’s birthday, your anniversary, and other important dates will ensure that she feels cared for and important. Bring her flowers, make a card, or plan a special outing for her and her friends.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Using Physical Touch

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Whether you’re watching a movie on the couch or doing chores around the house, taking the time to kiss or hug your wife will let her know that you are thinking about her. Physical intimacy is an important part of relationship satisfaction, so try to hug, kiss or cuddle every day.^{[3]
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Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

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Don't be afraid to take your wife’s hand while you walk, or put your arm around her at the movies. Showing affection in public signals to others that you are a couple, and will make your spouse feel loved and protected. Make sure your focus is on her -- not other women.
Once you start making an effort to touch and cuddle your partner more, you may find that it leads to sex. Before and after getting intimate, you can show your wife how much she means to you by telling her that you love her, caressing her skin, or holding her.
Avoid making it about sex every time you touch her. If your wife is stressed or not feeling well, she may want contact that is only intended to comfort her.^{[4]
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Research source} Try to think about how your wife might be feeling in the moment when you feel like getting affectionate. It’s important to show physical affection, even if it won’t lead to sex.
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Ask your wife how she likes to be touched. Communication is an important part of relationships, and talking to your wife is the best way to find out if she is feeling loved and valued. It may feel awkward to ask direct questions, but your overall goal should be meeting her needs.^{[5]
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- Ask your wife if she likes massages, or foot rubs, or something else. She may surprise you by saying something you didn't expect, such as "playing with my hair."
- Suggest romantic activities that you can do together, like taking dancing lessons, or ask her what activities she would enjoy.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Expressing How Much You Love Her

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It is nice to hear “I love you” and saying it is a way to remind your wife of the bond that you share. Take her hand, look into her eyes, and make sure that you say the words clearly.
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Compliment her. Think of the things that made you fall in love with your wife, and what she does now to make your life better. Knowing that you appreciate what she does for you will be a great boost to her self-esteem.
- Specific compliments about a new haircut or blouse will go a long way as well. Let her know that she looks great!
The busier you are, the harder it is to get time to relax or reconnect with your spouse. But if you try to make spending time together a priority, soon it will become easier to think of events to schedule or times to get away. Aim to spend quality time alone together at least once a week, to start.^{[6]
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Whether it’s a date night for the two of you or a spa day for her, you can show your wife how much you care by doing something that breaks up your routine. If you've been under stress lately, plan a vacation for the two of you. If you want to get nostalgic, investigate options like taking her to the restaurant where you had your first date. A special day like a scavenger hunt around town will impress your wife and create lasting memories.
If you have trouble expressing your thoughts out loud, or if you and your wife are both exceptionally busy, you can show her affection by writing a love note or letter. Remind her of the qualities that made you fall in love with her, and tell her a few ways that she makes your life better. Your wife will surely appreciate having a memento that expresses the depth of your feelings for her.
Surprise your wife with small gifts "just because". This lets her know that you are thinking of her and that you value her. Choose a gift that fits your wife's interests, and put some effort into wrapping and presentation.
This one may not seem like an expression of love, but making a list of goals with your wife can actually signal your commitment to her and to your future together. Try to think about the next year ahead and spend time with your wife coming up with goals for the list. Knowing that you're on the same page will help in times of conflict or stress, and having things that you looking forward to together can be very exciting.
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Thank her. If you are still struggling for ways to show affection to your wife, nothing beats simply thanking her for all that she does every day. Tell her about specific things that she has done to make you feel loved and supported, and how she has made your life better.
- Write her a sweet thank-you card every so often to show that you appreciate everything she does for you.

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Question

How do I make my wife feel loved?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

It is important to regularly express your love and caring through acts and actual words. Try building in "I love you" into your daily conversations. You may be surprised how far this can go!

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Question

How can I show love to my wife?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You can show love by doing small things for her. For instance, take a chore off of her to-do list. Take the time to ask her about her day. Show physical affection even in small ways, like a touch of her cheek, a quick kiss in the middle of an activity, or a back rub when she is tired (if she likes that).

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How can I show love and respect to my wife?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Respect comes across in your priorities and your actions. It has to do with valuing her as a person in the context of her life and her needs, and not only thinking about your own needs. Love is often more physical, such as demonstrating tenderness, touching her affectionately, and making eye contact. Both respect and love are important in a solid relationship.

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